To be close to giving up volunteering because I can't stand one of the parents?

[listsandbudgets]

DD does Brownies and for the last 18 months I've gone along to nearly every session to help. The girls are lovely as are Brown Owl and her helper Snowy Owl. However some of the parents are driving me mad.

At the end of the meeting I usually stand by the door and make sure each child goes out with the right parent. EVEiRY week the same parent is late - not by a couple of minutes but by a minimum of 10 - last week it was 30 minutes. Never a word of apology. Brown Owl couldn't wait as she had an "owl meeting" to go to so DD and I had to wait with the other Brownie. The parents weren't answering their phone so we could do nothing but wait with an increasingly upset little girl. Finally her mother turned up and without apology snapped at her DD to hurry up because they were running late.

I said politely "We did finish at 7.30 it would be really helpful if you could pick her up on time next week please" She snapped back "I pay you to be here, I'll pick her up whenever I like". For the sake of her DD I just said "yes I see but we do finish at 7.30"

The subs are £1.50 a week for an hour and a half of activities with all materials and room hire included. All the guiders and helpers are volunteers.

Its been rankling with me all week and dreading seeing her tonight. It wasn't that she was late it was that she treated me like some kind of underling, DD was late to bed and DS (3) was upset because we were so late back.

You don't give it up if you enjoy it but Brown Owl (cannot take that name seriously, ever :o ) needs to speak to this parent on arrival next week, before the child even enters and make it clear that a) she needs to apologise b) you are all volunteers so unpaid and c) she needs to be there on time.

She may have lots of issues in her life at the minute or she may be a stroppy mare. Either way your owl deals with this.

(I was going to write your BO deals with this but that's even worse!)
(Mind you a bit of BO might send her running :o)

and I'll be asking her what we do about emergency contacts as well. I think there is a list (as i had to provide one for dd when she joined) but I didn't have it avaialbe last week just the parents phone numbers

Sounds like a letter could do with going out to all parents reminding that dc need to be collected promptly and it is a volunteer ran organisation etc.

What a rude and unpleasant, clueless mother!

I agree. You should have already rung Owl and told her, so that this mum can be caught at drop off and Owl can 'have a word'.

I was a Scout leader until I had my first child. A parent commented to me that she was surprised I was leaving "I'd have thought this was a nice job with small kids - only 2 hours a week! How many Scouts? You must be well paid since we each pay £2 a time"...

A letter had to go out stating we were volunteers - we never had parent helpers as the parents were disinterested. It was me and a mate who were Uni students at the time. Even after they threatened the group would fold when I left no one volunteered and they muddled through with a few young leaders and other leaders from other groups pitching in.

You will be a great help to your Brown Owl, please do ask for help in tackling this unreasonable cow mum

So you don't feel you can say anything?

Well its Brown Owl's problem not yours. Don't let it happen again by simply saying you can't stay late. Its 7.30 and you go. As she is the one who is ultimately responsible she HAS to stay, even if she has another engagement herself. Watch how quickly she sorts out the problem, if its inconveniencing her... The Brown Owl is actually taking liberties here too, if she is running off and leaving you with the child. Her meeting is less important than the child being picked up (and I'd be willing to bet she probably shouldn't technically be doing that anyway, but I'm not sure what the rules are)

It is amazing how many parents treat Guides and Scouts as a babysitting service. Ultimately though, how you run the group affects how much parents will take liberties. The first thing you need is a late collection policy. And you need to be clear about what is acceptable for parents and what is not, and how this might affect their child's place at the group.

DH's scout troop also have a policy about parental responsibility to the group. The parents all have to be prepared to get involved in the group supporting it by helping out with fundraising, maintaining the building or some other way. This does help to stamp out the 'cheap childcare' attitude and focus parent's minds about what the leaders do and how much they give up with their volunteering.

Scouts and Guides are a community you get involved with as either a member or a parent. Anything that promotes that idea does a lot for the benefit of the group in general. You create that community and what is expected of its members.

You know what Obs you're right. I'm off to phone my owl. Maybe she will be furious or maybe she won't give a hoot

I like what you did there OP.

all organisations have this policy.

the call the parents first. If parents can't be contacted they call emergency contact. If emergency contact isn't answering what else are they supposed to do?

They have a duty to protect that child. They cannot leave them and for safeguarding issues they have to contact someone because the leader cannot take the child home themselves or drive them to a police station.

Social services is the right service to deal with a parent not collecting their child.

It is extreme but every organisation has this sort of policy about collecting them late. DCs nursery had one and so does the afterschool club they attend now. If I am late not only am I charged for every 10 minutes I am late but after 30 minutes social services are called.

After all, beyond the stuck up attitude of the mother in the OPs post, most often parents not showing up are due to an emergency of some sort and social services are needed.

Settings shouldn't have a policy of calling social services, it's not a SS issue - they're busy, it's not their job to police parents taking the piss.

That parent could have been run over, collapsed, died, overdosed, done a bolt or any number of things. Staff/volunteers can't hold on indefinitely waiting to see if someone turns up when they aren't getting any information about why someone's late.
A missing person is a police issue, not a social services one.

Of course its a ss issue, if the parents and all the emergency contacts cant be reached who do you think is going to look after the child?

Please don't stop volunteering and all the wonderful opportunities this gives the Brownies because of this one parent.
Phone Brown Owl. Tell her what happened. Tell her how you feel.
It is up to her to deal with the situation as she thinks best.
I can't help thinking she would rather lose this one family than lose a parent volunteer.

I'm not concerned about the missing adult, it's the uncollected child I'd be having to care for.

What else should be done then? If not ss then what should a group leader do 30, 40, 50 or 60 minutes after a child's parents hasn't turned up or made contact and there's no emergency contacts responding?

What's the alternative?

FWIW I've ran my group for years and been on the board of another after school club for 6 years and it's never once reached that point, but that's the procedure.

Staff or volunteers can't sit waiting for someone with no idea of when they will materialise indefinitely.

To be fair, most schools I've worked in have a policy of contacting SS if an uncontactable parent is over half an hour late and emergency numbers don't respond.

Don't give up the volunteering! Why should you give up something you like on account of one bloody rude woman? Brown Owl to deal with it and NOT just the lateness but the attitude as well...if it was one of our cubs (DP is a leader) consistently up to 30 mins late then we would regretfully be unable to accommodate the child.

OMFG what a cheeky bitch.
I'd have had serious words if she'd have spoken to me like that.
I hope Brown Owl sorts it all out.

What a cheeky cow! Brown owl should have word. However I think you should say to brown owl in future that you can't be the one waiting around

You can have that procedure if you want, but social services in my city would not turn up to a child uncollected for 30 minutes. You do realise social workers have an actual job to do, they're not sitting around ready to leap into action because Mrs Smith is taking the piss about collecting from Brownies on time?

Yes they will.

Go on, ask about my day job

I'll pay you to be here. I ll pick her up when I damn well like.How fucking cheeky and disrespectful is that. You're not there at her beck and call.
1 She's psys you since when please. You're a volunteer. ! Giving up your time.
,2 Even if "She" was paying you to be there.that is no rhyme reason or excuse for the way you were spoken to.
3 She'll pick her dd up when she likes. Well when exactly 10 o'clock at night.
You don't get paid enough well you don't get paid anything. To put up with shit like that.
In my dd's school/Activity centres. I'd be bending over backwards to show my appreciation. They don't have to do it. Spending time with my child and for no numetic gain. I was humble to them.
Where are this rude people coming from.

They won't in my city, we had training from social services that covered just this eventuality. Lovely if you have the time to deal with these kind of disputes though, you must be very well resourced.

They will, that have to.

What else would you do?

Extremely rare, but it's part of a duty teams remit.

A missing person is a police issue, not a social services one.

and who do you suspect the police will call when a child is involved? Social services.

Going direct to social services is the right way to do it (after the list of contacts has been exhausted) because they will then take the info from the leaders to continue contacting the parents, informing the police if still no contact and ensuring the child is looked after appropriately.

I babysat for a couple once. They didn't show up for 4 hours AFTER the agreed time, I called the police told them they hadn't show up and I needed to return home for my own child at the time (at school)

The police told me to contact social services and to return home to my own child and tell them thats where I was going. I did that. Good job I did because the parents had gone out on an all day bender when originally the babysitting was for 2 hours whilst they visited a relative in hospital. returned home, beat the crap out of each other not even realising I nor the children were their.

Luckily for the children the grandparents took them in with social services help so yes. They are and always will be the only option if no contact with any family member can made.

Come back OP and let us know how you got on talking with your Owl. (now there is a sentence I never thought I'd see myself write)