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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would you go to this wedding ? need to rsvp by Friday and can't make a decision

156 replies

olaflikeswarmhugs · 20/10/2015 18:31

Group of 5 girls I've been friends since we all worked together in our teens. One of them is getting married and the other 3 are bridesmaids.

I'm invited all day but DH is only invited in the evening. I don't know one other person who is going so I will have to hang around myself after the ceremony, I'll be sitting myself with a group of strangers during the meal and then again hanging around myself after the meal until the evening bit starts.

Just to add it's at Christmas time and I'll have to drive down a dangerous coastal road in the middle of winter at 35 weeks pregnant.

But on the other hand I felt it's incredibly rude not to go and they didn't have partners at my wedding but they came as a group not as one individual on their own.

OP posts:
Original poster
olaflikeswarmhugs · 20/10/2015 18:32

Also I've posted about this before (I think under a different user name) but now that the rsvp is due in I thought I'd try for a fresh set of opinions as I've still not made my mind up.

OP posts:
Diddlydokey · 20/10/2015 18:33

Just go in the evening with your dh, say you don't feel comfortable going on your own that late in the pregnancy.

LittleBearPad · 20/10/2015 18:33

No. I wouldn't. Pregnancy and not knowing anyone would put me off. I think the pregnancy alone is a perfectly good reason not to go.

Oysterbabe · 20/10/2015 18:35

I second just going for the evening.

GruntledOne · 20/10/2015 18:36

Why would you be hanging around by yourself after the meal? Couldn't you socialise with the bridesmaids at that stage?

However, with that drive and your pregnancy if I were you I think I'd just go to the evening do with your DH.

whatsagoodusername · 20/10/2015 18:36

No, I don't think I would go by myself under those circumstances.

Maybe, if it was at a hotel and you were staying over so DP could go with you and hang out in the hotel though boring for him while you're at the daytime part of the wedding, but otherwise no.

LittleMissAIBU · 20/10/2015 18:37

Just go for the evening, or you could say as you will be so pregnant you don't want to commit and then not show as you don't want them to waste money?

Don't feel obliged, I wouldn't want to go if I didn't know anyone.

prettybird · 20/10/2015 18:37

I agree with diddlydokey: just explain that you're not comfortable travelling that far alone, in winter, at that stage in your pregnancy but that you'd be happy if that is indeed the case to help her celebrate her special day in the evening with your dh.

AnotherCider · 20/10/2015 18:37

I remember your previous thread. Isn't it quite a drive away?

Check with your GP/Midwife, I think at 35 weeks it's inadvisable to be too far from the hospital you're booked into....!!! Wink

At the very least, you would be very uncomfortable driving yourself long distances, so just go for the evening do - and make it clear it's because that's what your DH is invited to.

AnotherCider · 20/10/2015 18:38

I remember your previous thread. Isn't it quite a drive away?

Check with your GP/Midwife, I think at 35 weeks it's inadvisable to be too far from the hospital you're booked into....!!! Wink

At the very least, you would be very uncomfortable driving yourself long distances, so just go for the evening do - and make it clear it's because that's what your DH is invited to.

Swisswatch · 20/10/2015 18:39

Agree with Diddlydokey. At 35 weeks you'll really have no idea how you'll feel on the day. Going to the evening thing only might be a really good compromise.

DameMargaretOfChalfont · 20/10/2015 18:46

I too remember your previous thread.

Without a shadow of a doubt I would decline the invite.

I could have wept for you when I read on your previous thread about the way they treated you and the conspiracy of silence.

Definitely too far to drive at 35 weeks pregnant.

Wish the couple well and stay well clear.

XiCi · 20/10/2015 18:49

You'd be with the bridesmaids surely after the meal, they're not required to be attached to the bride for the entire day. If you feel uncomfortable doing the drive without your DP just be honest and call her ASAP to explain. I think its a bit thoughtless of her not to invite your DP tbh given the drive and your late pregnancy

crumblybiscuits · 20/10/2015 18:50

Go in the evening but let them know now so they can fill your space.

Leeds2 · 20/10/2015 18:52

I too would just go to the evening do, as long as you actually want to.

KitKat1985 · 20/10/2015 18:52

I agree - just go in the evening. If they ask just say you don't want to go alone in late pregnancy and would find a whole day a bit exhausting anyway.

rainbowstardrops · 20/10/2015 18:57

I think I might be able to recall your previous post too. Weren't you (justifiably miffed that the others were asked to be bridesmaids?
I'd definitely do what suits you.

itsmine · 20/10/2015 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Waltermittythesequel · 20/10/2015 19:08

They were such colossal dickheads to you I wouldn't even bother to respond. But if you must, decline.

LagunaBubbles · 20/10/2015 19:09

Are you the poster who wasn't asked to be Bridesmaid? If so I remember that thread and I wouldn't be friends with them at all after they were all so horrible.

LuluJakey1 · 20/10/2015 19:10

Don't go. I wouldn't. I hate weddings.

LagunaBubbles · 20/10/2015 19:10

And if so why would you even consider going at all? Confused

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 20/10/2015 19:12

To be honest I'd probably not go but I'm unsociable! I don't get why you and DH aren't invited to the same elements. Seems bizarre to me. Forgive me but it sounds like you don't really want to go and being very pregnant is a great excuse!

eddielizzard · 20/10/2015 19:13

no way.

this is the one where they all just pretend there's no problem despite knowing you're hurt?

Muckogy · 20/10/2015 19:13

nah. wouldn't bother my arse going to any of it.
you have a great excuse.

use it.