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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would you go to this wedding ? need to rsvp by Friday and can't make a decision

156 replies

olaflikeswarmhugs · 20/10/2015 18:31

Group of 5 girls I've been friends since we all worked together in our teens. One of them is getting married and the other 3 are bridesmaids.

I'm invited all day but DH is only invited in the evening. I don't know one other person who is going so I will have to hang around myself after the ceremony, I'll be sitting myself with a group of strangers during the meal and then again hanging around myself after the meal until the evening bit starts.

Just to add it's at Christmas time and I'll have to drive down a dangerous coastal road in the middle of winter at 35 weeks pregnant.

But on the other hand I felt it's incredibly rude not to go and they didn't have partners at my wedding but they came as a group not as one individual on their own.

OP posts:
Thisismyfirsttime · 20/10/2015 20:12

I would not go alone such a long way at 35 weeks and dd was breech so by that time sitting in a car even as a passenger was really not comfortable, I didn't drive much at all once I got to the 30's. If it was more than a 30 min or so drive as a passenger I wouldn't have gone. Only 1 dc though so no idea if it's as bad with a regular pregnancy!

expatinscotland · 20/10/2015 20:19

I remember the previous thread. I wouldn't go. MN is bonkers about weddings. Why bend over backwards for someone who really isn't that bothered about you and yours? I wouldn't risk myself at such a time in my life for someone who's been a cow about it to you. Fuck her poxy wedding. Send her a nice card.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 20/10/2015 20:19

What would you most like to do olaf that is the question?
(given the options/how things stand now)

DinosaursRoar · 20/10/2015 20:21

Decline. Or just the evening do.

expatinscotland · 20/10/2015 20:23

Let's see, coastal route in winter, far from town, at 35 weeks pregnant for a fucking evening do because this person and her cadre are dicks? Nope.

Muckogy · 20/10/2015 20:31

honestly, given how little this wedding party have all thought of you, i'd bat that right back to them and just say "no thanks" to the entire event.

RoboticSealpup · 20/10/2015 20:34

35 weeks... That's when I suddenly got horrendous sciatica and couldn't walk more than ten meters. I wouldn't say yes to anything at that point. You might not be able to make it anyway.

threenotfour · 20/10/2015 20:36

That is just weird having your DH invited to a different part of the day to you. I have never heard of that before. That aside I would not go to an event that far in to my pregnancy on my own. There is no point. You don't sound like you are going to have much fun until he gets there anyway. Would your DH then have to drive himself later meaning you would have to drive back alone/separately?

itsmine · 20/10/2015 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onecurrantbun1 · 20/10/2015 20:47

I remember your previous thread too.

Don't go. This is going to sound brutal but are you sure she even wants you there? Seems harsh of herto have left DH out if so.

Your DH was lovely when it was all kicking off so have a special night out together that weekend instead - you may not get another for a while!

If I'm wrong and she's a true friend she will understand that at 35 weeks pregnant you don't want to be far from home, let alone somewhere rural. Sadly I have a gut feeling that she's treating you how I once treated an ex (I was in my teen's to be fair so such twattey slightly more acceptable)... I couldnt be arsed with the hassle and fall out of dumping him so I treated him so badly he dumped me and I got all the sympathy Blush

SnozzberryPie · 20/10/2015 20:47

I probably wouldn't. The other problem with not knowing anyone there is that you will be sober while everyone else gets drunk around you, so it won't be as easy to get chatting to people. I'd either go to the evening do with dh or don't go at all.

MrsJayy · 20/10/2015 20:49

I wouldnt go your husband isnt invited they treated you like dirt really whats the point you could go at night if you really want to go with your husband

celtictoast · 20/10/2015 21:01

Decline.

Original poster
olaflikeswarmhugs · 20/10/2015 21:56

Juggling I really just don't know.

I really would love to go but just don't want to go myself . I don't think ill have a very good time. But it's not about me it's a bit my friend getting married .

Plus I'm worried that if I don't go I look like I'm not going because DH didn't get invited or because I'm not a BM when actually individually I'm not bothered by those things, it's the both of them together and expecting me to go to a wedding quite literally by myself .

OP posts:
Thisismyfirsttime · 20/10/2015 22:01

It's about your friend getting married. Exactly! Not you getting married and she's made no allowances for you being 35 weeks pregnant and going alone. I remember some of the previous thread also. Fuck her, she sounds like an awful friend and you shouldn't be worrying about her when it's you who will be travelling to her party at 35 weeks with no dh and sitting alone! You owe her nothing, don't do it to yourself.

QueenPotato · 20/10/2015 22:01

If you don't want to go, don't. You're pregnant, and you need to put yourself first.

I see what you mean about it looking pointed but they seem to have behaved in a pointed way to you! But you can just use pregnancy exhaustion/effects as an excuse and no one can question it.

honeyroar · 20/10/2015 22:31

You say it's not about you, it's about your friend. It certainly is from her point of view. She doesn't care if she snubs you re the bridesmaid thing, she doesn't care if she upsets you by leaving your husband off the main invite, despite you not knowing anyone. She expects you to travel a long way alone while very pregnant. She sounds like she doesn't give a stuff about you whatsoever. She's not someone I would consider much of a friend.

Original poster
olaflikeswarmhugs · 20/10/2015 22:48

Decision no that wasn't me I think I know the thread you're thinking on.

I found out they were all bridesmaids when I was invited to the hen do. Which I couldn't go to because it's on DSs birthday. And that was I realised that them being bridesmaids would mean me going to a wedding alone.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/10/2015 22:57

I wouldn't say she was your friend. Unless it's a tiny wedding (like

decisionsdecisionshelp · 20/10/2015 23:07

Ah ok, then I don't think I read your previous thread. Even so, based on the info from this one I don't think you should push yourself to go. And I'd be re evaluating the friendship, she really hasn't been very kind to you and you sound like you're really in turmoil about what to do. I think Testing's idea is good.

DancingDinosaur · 20/10/2015 23:07

I wouldn't go. You have a good enough excuse if you don't want to offend people!

sadwidow28 · 20/10/2015 23:10

ola

If it wasn't your thread I responded to last time, it was a similar dilemma.

I have been going to weddings on my own for 14 years (see my ID) - and they have been FAMILY weddings. I don't have a +1 invitation because it is my life choice not to look for another partner. But without a +1, I can't even take one of my best female friends who know my family.

So, I am always faced with a challenging wedding meal. Either I am seated next to my 91 year old mother who thinks I am her servant (and complains about everything); or I am placed next to grand-nieces/nephews who need encouragement to eat ..... and I get the stranger on the other side!

There is no 'catching up'; no frivolity; no relaxing. It is a long-drawn-out-meal that you have to get through. So where is the fun in that? Then you have to sit through all the speeches with no camaraderie of winks and knowing nods - but everyone else if following the 'in jokes'.

The bridesmaids (your friends) will be tied up with photographs, then on the top table and even afterwards they will enjoy the limelight of being in the 'Bridal Party'.

Even when transport has been laid on to get guests from local hotels to the wedding venue, I still walk alone to the church, I look around to see who I can sit next to, I hang around on my own whilst church photos are taken - it is the most isolating experience that anyone can imagine. Everyone else is in little family groups or couples.

When you add in a late pregnancy to this debacle, I would say you shouldn't do it.

If you really want to attend the wedding event then my advice is only go to the evening when your DH can drive you, stay with you and coddle you a little bit.

waitforrose · 20/10/2015 23:10

A- I don't understand anyone expecting you to drive a great distance while 35wks pregnant
B- I think she's making quite a bitchy point in her invite style here. Don't play that political game to "keep in".
C- what is your husband supposed to do? Drive down separately later?
D- personally, I wouldn't go to any wedding reception after 32 weeks pregnant, but I was HUGE and uncomfortable
E- when your baby is born, it will put these silly ppl in a whole new perspective ie not a priority??

JoelyB · 20/10/2015 23:28

I wouldn't go. I'd calculate what I would have spent and go out for a cracking meal with DH.
But I don't take this kind of crap from anyone Grin

MaryMagdelene · 20/10/2015 23:31

You'd be mad to go. Stark raving mad! Who invites their heavily pregnant friend to their wedding without their husband? Although I suspect you're going to go despite the majority here saying not to.