would you go to this wedding ? need to rsvp by Friday and can't make a decision

[olaflikeswarmhugs]

Group of 5 girls I've been friends since we all worked together in our teens. One of them is getting married and the other 3 are bridesmaids.

I'm invited all day but DH is only invited in the evening. I don't know one other person who is going so I will have to hang around myself after the ceremony, I'll be sitting myself with a group of strangers during the meal and then again hanging around myself after the meal until the evening bit starts.

Just to add it's at Christmas time and I'll have to drive down a dangerous coastal road in the middle of winter at 35 weeks pregnant.

But on the other hand I felt it's incredibly rude not to go and they didn't have partners at my wedding but they came as a group not as one individual on their own.

There's no need to give any particular reason. Just say that unfortunately you will be unable to attend.

A couple of years ago, we were asked to a very grand wedding in France that we really couldn't afford to go to.

I consulted Google a book of etiquette, and discovered that it is fine to give "personal circumstances" as your reason for declining.

In other words, you don't have to give any reason at all, apart from that.

Well no, in your RSVP decline, there's no need to give a reason, but I would assume next time you speak to the bride or the other friends in the group, she'll/they'll ask why you aren't able to make it. Pregnancy is a good excuse.

Assume someone will ask, have your answer prepared.

That's just dreadful. I too am spitting feathers on your behalf.

Just be really honest, 35 weeks pregnant and on your own in a car is not great, coming only to the evening do would be possible with dh, but you do get tired and you are worried about being this far from a hospital. If this is a friendship worth keeping, she will understand. If she thinks her need to have you in the photos trumps your well-being and baby's safety she is no friend and just needs extras for her show.

So what did you decide OP?

I've sent the rsvp back declining the invitation. I was speaking to my mum about it yesterday she said they same as you guys .

I think if she hadve even spoke to me before hand and said that she was inviting me on my own but would make sure I had people to sit with etc (I did this for a single friend at my wedding) I would've just went along with it. But the fact I got the invitation through the door no explanation no thought or care that I have to stand about myself for hours til the meal when I eventually might actually have someone else to talk to.

I'm curious to know who she was planning on sitting me with though.

Well done OP. When the day comes and you are sat there knackered with massive bump, you will be so pleased with yourself for thinking about you. Imagine- the dinner, sat next to god knows who, sober, knackered, wishing DH was there, seeing all your mates dressed up as BMs and swanning about the bride...errrugh, no thanks.

Well done op. Never heard of inviting someone to a wedding with no plus one. Is that a new thing? Even the wedding party get a plus one, don't they?
Shoddy behaviour on your friend's part, it may be her wedding but that doesn't give her the right to behave badly. Lucky escape!

good call, OP.
you'll be glad when you're 35 weeks and possibly really quite tired.
you would have had no thanks for showing up anyway. they all sound very thoughtless.

Well done The only people I invited to my wedding without a plus one were single friends who knew plenty of others at the wedding. All established partners were invited, including my cousin's vile boyfriend. I had one old friend who I knew wouldn't know anyone apart from my mum & sister (who would be busy) so I put "& guest" on her invite - she bought her mum. Therefore, I considered my guests' individual circumstances. Your friend has not done this.

Will be interested to hear if she replies to you.

I think you've done the right thing.

And after this, you'll know where you stand in the true friends stakes, depending on how they all respond to your choice.

I'm still debating with myself whether to text/phone her with an explanation ie don't feel up to going myself that late in pregnancy and/or feel awkward about being myself all day.

She should get the rsvp when she gets home from work this evening.

Pregnancy remains the best reason if she contacts you.

I'd leave it until (if) she contacts you.
You do have every right to turn down the invitation - as the saying goes, it's not a court summons. If she wants to know more about why you have done so, then let it be on her phonebill, not yours!

'I'm still debating with myself whether to text/phone her with an explanation ie don't feel up to going myself that late in pregnancy and/or feel awkward about being myself all day.'

Don't. If she contacts you, just use your pregnancy not the whole 'I'll be on my own'. Keep it light and breezy. 'Sorry, I'll be too pregnant by then.' She's a cow. So are your other mates.

Sorry op. Sounds harsh. You sound much nicer than them!

don't contact her.
please don't.
you might get yourself into an argument and you'll get no thanks.
you've now RSVPed. that is quite sufficient.

I didn't contact her have been busy all day anyway so forgot all about it.

I'll post if she contacts me but tbh I'm sure she won't. I kind of feel like I've given her the satisfaction of me declining of that makes sense? Still I know you are all right I've done the right thing.

Suppose I'll just have to wait and see what, if anything, she says.

I think you are right olaf. Just leave it there, and forget about it, as best you can. All the best for the rest of your pregnancy.

I doubt she's given much thought to you being 35 weeks pregnant and not wanting to travel or sit alone, she'll be too self absorbed to have considered anyone else but herself.

Out of interest, did she know you were pregnant, or ttc, when she chose the bridesmaids? If so, that makes it a bit more palatable. However, she still should have explained it to you and certainly shouldn't have excluded your DH. She hasn't considered your feelings at all! Definitely don't contact her but if she asks say it's too late in your pregnancy and I would also be tempted to slip in "especially on my own".

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and don't give this bridezilla another thought!

The anniversary of this wedding was last week and it got me thinking of this thread and how I never ever came back to update.

Anyway, as I've already said I declined the invitation and didn't hear from anyone. I sent the bride a message on the day saying sorry I couldn't be there and hoped she would have a lovely day etc etc. Didn't hear anything.

In fact, a year later I've still not heard from any of them. Obviously I've not been in contact with them either so it doesn't work both way I suppose but then again I was busy with a newborn hanging off my boobs. In any case I'm clearly not part of the group anymore.