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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

would you go to this wedding ? need to rsvp by Friday and can't make a decision

156 replies

olaflikeswarmhugs · 20/10/2015 18:31

Group of 5 girls I've been friends since we all worked together in our teens. One of them is getting married and the other 3 are bridesmaids.

I'm invited all day but DH is only invited in the evening. I don't know one other person who is going so I will have to hang around myself after the ceremony, I'll be sitting myself with a group of strangers during the meal and then again hanging around myself after the meal until the evening bit starts.

Just to add it's at Christmas time and I'll have to drive down a dangerous coastal road in the middle of winter at 35 weeks pregnant.

But on the other hand I felt it's incredibly rude not to go and they didn't have partners at my wedding but they came as a group not as one individual on their own.

OP posts:

DebbieFiderer · 20/10/2015 19:15

I probably wouldn't go at all to be honest. I declined an invite to a wedding in similar circumstances (heavily pregnant, old work colleague, DP not invited, I was only invited to the evening do, was an hour + drive away) and it was definitely the right decision. But if you really want to go, then I agree evening only is the best plan. To be honest, you may not feel like it by 35 weeks.

Grapejuicerocks · 20/10/2015 19:15

Can you link to the original thread?

SolsburyHell · 20/10/2015 19:16

Yes, if you were the op who was hurt (understandably) at the only friend of a close group not asked to be bridesmaid, I'd give the wedding a miss but I'd probably make a vague pregnancy excuse.

If this is not you, on the circs above, I'd just go to the evening do with DP.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 20/10/2015 19:16

nope

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/10/2015 19:18

I'd go in the evening with DH.

TheTigerIsOut · 20/10/2015 19:20

I wouldn't go, your friend should have been more understanding (and classy) and invite your DH to the day do. Pregnant or not, is a long drive and incredibly rude not to invite DH to it when you are traveling from so far away.

Brummiegirl15 · 20/10/2015 19:22

I'd honestly just go to the evening do with your DH.

I've not seen the original thread but to leave out 1 person from a group of friends from teens is pretty shit.

But I wouldn't dream of not inviting your DH, even more so if you are pregnant and hardly know anyone!!

Meh, sack it off during the day and either just go in evening or don't go

Yika · 20/10/2015 19:24

I think your friend is rude not to invite your DH. Definitely only go to the evening do, together.

Glitterspy · 20/10/2015 19:26

I remember the thread and really feel for you. In your situation I'd want to to the 'right' (ie dignified) thing as well.

I agree with previous posters who've suggested going in the evening with your partner. The rest of the day is going to be too tiring for you/ standing around uncomfortable, etc etc.

And then after the wedding I wouldn't speak to any of the buggers ever again

CactusAnnie · 20/10/2015 19:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

olaflikeswarmhugs · 20/10/2015 19:31

Thanks for replies.

Yeah I think it was more other posters who were a bit miffed which I was left out of being BM.

Tbh it's fine with me I live a bit further from them and I'm the only one with dcs so I am a bit of an outsider in the group. I can't even really remember the last thread probably should have read it before posting this one

OP posts:

Original poster

olaflikeswarmhugs · 20/10/2015 19:32

Thanks for replies.

Yeah I think it was more other posters who were a bit miffed which I was left out of being BM.

OP posts:

KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth · 20/10/2015 19:33

Nope. I wouldn't go.

kali110 · 20/10/2015 19:34

Yes i would. I went to a wedding where i had dinner with only one other person i vaguly knew as brudesmaids were on top table.
My dp was invited on night.
It was a small day do, low costs.
If you are worried aboutyour pregnancy then go on the night.

reni2 · 20/10/2015 19:36

I would not be found on a coastal road away from a town at 35 weeks pregnant, let alone be there on my own!

QueenPotato · 20/10/2015 19:43

No, but it's not the not knowing people so much, for me it would be the drive and being pregnant. Just too much at that stage and in winter. It's the last thing you need when you should be snuggling up and relaxing for those pre-birth last few weeks. Is it your first? You will not regret spending that time pleasing yourself and getting as much rest as possible.

"Dear friend, I am so sorry but as this pregnancy goes on I'm finding it quite exhausting and I really don't think I'll be able to manage the travelling and being away from home. I hope you'll understand and I'm so sorry to miss it blah blah but have a wonderful day"

You could still send a nice present maybe.

As others have said, being pregnant is reason enough. No one else can tell you what you can and can't do while pregnant - if you say "I feel unwell/I'm too tired" then that's that.

QueenPotato · 20/10/2015 19:45

Oops sorry just seen you have said you have DCs already.

Still think the same though. Pregnancy trumps wedding and you can do what you like :)

Narp · 20/10/2015 19:51

I'd just go for the evening.

Jackiebrambles · 20/10/2015 19:51

I think it's really shit she hasn't invited your Dh when you are heavily pregnant. I'd decline just for that, what kind of mate does that?

Or if you want to celebrate with her then just go in the evening with your husband.

Jux · 20/10/2015 20:01

Apparently we're going to have a white Xmas, if that makes a difference to you. How do you feel about driving along a coast road in snow .....

JugglingFromHereToThere · 20/10/2015 20:03

It's a poorly thought through or poor form invitation isn't it?
She should either have invited both of you to all of it or both of you just for the evening - especially given you're expecting
If you do both go for the evening can you make a nice weekend of it and maybe spend the afternoon somewhere en route?
It's a bit of a bridezilla invitation isn't it?!

minimalistaspirati0ns · 20/10/2015 20:04

Go for the evening with your DH

decisionsdecisionshelp · 20/10/2015 20:05

I'd explain that you'll just go in the evening but even then that might be a struggle. 35 weeks is always my cut off for doing much, and an evening do would not be at the top of my priorities, I'd be far too exhausted. I don't think the friend has been very considerate at all, leaving one person out of the wedding party when you've all been friends for ages so I certainly wouldn't be putting myself out for her.

Was your previous thread the one where you were going to a meal with them all and you'd just found out they'd all been asked to be bridesmaids and you hadn't?

Original poster

olaflikeswarmhugs · 20/10/2015 20:07

Mmmm I'm not sure if you have got me mixed up with someone else ? Consensus on the previous thread was that I should go.

But then that was when I assumed DH would be invited but wouldn't be able to go because of work . He has an unsociable job and rsvp due well before his shifts out so would just have to decline. But now he's actually not invited that does change things I think.

It's a 45 minute drive away about half of that on the coastal road.

I've spoken to the one of the group I'm closest to and she said she will find out who I'm sitting with. She said she can understand why I'm feeling apprehensive about going myself.

Yes probably will get to hang around with them after the meal to be fair.

OP posts:

Rachel0Greep · 20/10/2015 20:08

Think I remember previous thread. I would decline politely.

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