Are we doing ourselves any favours with the "I'm hormonal excuse"?

[GruntledOne]

We see only too often on here someone excusing or explaining daft/unreasonable/irrational behaviour on the basis that "I'm pregnant/just. given birth/premenstrual/menstrual/post menstrual, I'm hormonal, I can't help it". Yet there are hordes of women out there handling difficult and/or dangerous jobs day after day with no concessions for the possibility that it could be that time of the month. You don't see female police officers claiming that they don't fancy going on that dawn raid as it's the wrong time of the month, or barristers excusing a bad job because they're pregnant. I've worked with women in a variety of jobs over the years and never been able to tell when they were on their periods unless they mentioned it.

What concerns me about constantly reaching for the hormonal excuse is that it will backfire. It's exactly the excuse employers use for not employing or promoting women, and we are simply giving it credence. So should we maybe all give it a rest?

I agree completely. It used to be used as an excuse for not employing female pilots.

I also hate the little girl/ can't help myself attitude that goes with it. So YANBU OP

Not belittling them by the way - they are valid - just not an excuse

Yes, you go out and do your job but I find that even in day to day innteractions I react differently depending on the time of the month. I don't mean I start screaming rows but I'm far more likely to drive home at the end of the day crying at certain times of the month.
I hate that about myself. I've set a calendar reminder on my phone to try to help me deal with it better.

I've only ever heard this sort of guff from men, tbh.

Well I for one had raging PMT (before the coil) and was a bit of a nightmare to DH (not so much at work where basic self preservation kicks in). I love dh to bits but would find myself yelling and/or crying and sometimes not really knowing why.

Now I am watching my preteen dd struggling with the hormones which have started coursing through her. She's over sensitive, cries or gets angry at the drop of a hat and then has moments of clarity where she says, 'mum I don't know why I flew off the handle' - and I do explain to her that it is hormones causing her behaviour. That doesn't mean she gets away with bad behaviour but I do understand.

Online behaviour is one thing and we all put stuff online that we perhaps wouldn't say in real life, the ranty angry stuff we want to get off our chest and yes, that can sometimes be induced or aggravated by having PMT/pg etc. I don't think hormones should be an excuse but they certainly are a valid explanation.

I think what annoys me about this (and yes 'I am feeling hormonal' has been used for awful behaviour in my previous work place. By a few women) is that if a woman was upset/ angry etc and her boss said 'God your hormonal today' , there would be outrage.

Hate it, hate it. Female anger is socially unacceptable, blaming it on hormones makes you look unthreatening, I guess that's why people do it. It's horseshit of course - yeah OK so what if hormones do affect your mood? We're all (mostly) mums on here, we know exactly how to look through our emotions and respond rationally, that's why we don't totally lose our shit when our toddlers do a tantrum in the queue at Tescos or wee themselves in a church or whatever. We're likely, as a group, far better than average at not letting mood and health and so on get in the way of thinking clearly.

Like the word "bullying" the "hormonal" thing is so over-used it's becoming meaningless. 99% of the people using it, as pps have said, are using it to excuse fuckwittage. Which plays into the hands of the misogynists and more importantly on a personal level, belittles the experiences described by the posters above who have genuine hormonal health/psych issues.
I get the rage every time I read "it might be the pregnancy hormones but..." usually followed by something embarrassingly pathetic like shouting at some poor checkout assistant for some imagined slight.
Thankfully I've only seen it on forums and FB but as a manager, if any of my female staff started up with it I'm afraid I might start unleashing my (non existant) menopausal ones.

Not sure why you've lumped all women together by asking if "we" are doing "ourselves" any favours? I've never used hormones to excuse my behaviour. For a start it's a personal issue. The same as when some women say "Sorry I'm just really premenstrual". I don't care. Keep it to yourself.

I have crap days in work because of my hormones. I feel like I'm on another planet and everything's a dream. I also get irritated, take things personal, get tearful and forgetful.

I also realise I'm only like this at one point in my cycle. I can hold it together and act professional whilst there but to say hormones have no effect is crap.

Lucky you.

For me PMS means joint pain, migraines, severe depression ( I have scars from the self-harm) and anxiety (including panic attacks), exhaustion, and finding it hard to think straight.

It was terrifying when I was younger. Now I can

In puberty, it's a good description, because this girls are still learning how to deal with the changes, and make mistakes (leading to the fallings out etc)

And of course hormonal changes exist and can be extensive.

But the aim is to learn how to deal with it, medically in extreme cases, or by recognising and managing your behaviour.

It's like everything else, really. Life often isn't easy, and all sorts of things can make the everyday really difficult. But the mark of character is how you get through it.

So recognising eg the need to vent and doing it in a suitable place, fine. Being horrible to all and sundry, not fine.

When I have a sweaty face and the fan on full blast in winter because I'm am having a hot flush I will use the phrase 'I'm hormonal', because I am. Nothing to do with my work being affected though.

Oops, hit post too soon.

Anyway, now I manage ok, but that's because I live my life around it. I have to be careful what I eat, take enough exercise, meditate etc, or I end up hiding under the bedclothes unable to face the world. Even with that, I keep the week of PMS as clear as possible, rescheduling all possible commitments around those days.

The rest of the time, I'm fine, although generally quite tired from trying to fit four weeks worth of stuff into three.

I'd give anything not to be at the mercy of my hormones. I don't use it as an 'excuse' for anything but it makes me feel downright shitty and like I'm going slightly mad - I still hold down a job, run a house and parent my DD - I'm just not my usual happy self. Last month I had a horrific spell of PMT which had me crying my eyes out all of one evening, feeling utterly overwhelmed by everything, these feelings went on for a few days until the day my period started when I went from depressed mess to my normal, capable and positive self.
Bully for those of you who've never experienced it this badly. I hope you never do.

We are all different. Personally, pregnancy and breastfeeding seemed to keep my moods very stable, probably due to the effect on my hormones but that doesn't mean i don't think women should complain about postnatal depression! I get terrible pmt, very tearful and over-emotional for around 3-4 days. I wish i could control it but i can't. Its very real.

Really really on the fence with this.

One the one hand, no, 'hormones' cannot be used as an excuse for professional misconduct (although how many times has anyone ever even tried to get away with that exact thing as an excuse?).

But on the other hand, to me, recognising the different things that real women have to deal with on a daily basis as being 'real' seems part of the feminist struggle.

YABU.

And to the person who really wonders if PND exists, just educate yourself.

Yanbu

Ridiculous moaning and 'I need chocolate'

I'm another who suffered with extreme PMDD, and became suicidal as my hormones shifted. It wasn't an "excuse" that my behaviour and physiology changed with my hormones, it was a fact. Now I take a hefty amount of medication on a daily basis to keep them stable so that I can function, even though it means I bleed most days. At any point, I would have gladly had a full hysterectomy and oopherectomy just to be able to live my life.

Hormones affect different people in different ways, so it's not fair to generalize.

Why are you shocked at my stance here, Pet?

Nobody, least I, is denying the existence of PND etc, but there is FAR more to these illnesses than 'hormones', otherwise every postnatal woman might suffer the same problems.
It is one of life's great mysteries to me why the same hormones affected different people so profoundly differently, starting with period problems or unexplained infertility or how difficult or easy various women find the menopause. Or puberty - why do some kids sail through it and others don't?? I genuinely don't know, and don't think anybody does.

IMO men are just as much affected by 'hormones', but society does not use it as an explanation for behaviour other than in the odious 'boys will be boys' type comment.

My father used to say to me "do you have your period?" when I had some petty teenaged argument with him. That was an instant way of cutting off further discussion - clearly I was off my head with 'hormones' . Which I may have been, or not, who knows, but it was simply a way to invalidate whatever point stood to debate (like, my curfew ).

The 'hormones' argument always gets picked about female hormones only, not thyroid-, or growth- or stress- or whatever else hormones. And nobody talks about that women have testosterone too….

I don't think hormones should be an excuse but they certainly are a valid explanation.

IMO they may be part of a valid explanation.

If you have pnd or pmdd, it's different. If suspect this and it's damaging your life, you should seek treatment.

The op is talking about the flippant use of 'I'm hormonal' which, yes I have heard in RL.

Especially since it's not ok for other people to accuse women of being hormonal.

The flippant use actually dimishes the impact pmdd has. It's like using 'I am so ocd' when you aren't at all.

Spartans, yy. V succinctly put.

Or 'My favourite candidate has left Strictly; I'm so depressed' when one is mildly upset.