To tell the head that actually HER hair looks shit

[Denmancanttouchthis]

DD year 6 has just started doing her own hair in preparation for residential trip. School rules state it has to be tied back. She can do a perfectly serviceable plait with no hair loose/around her face. She has naturally frizzy/wavy hair anyway

The head teacher told her twice last week her hair was messy and 'looked a mess'. Head told her she couldn't get her photo taken for the newsletter on Friday as her hair was too messy, overheard by DS as well.

AIBU that if the hair meets school rules then head can bugger off with her opinion of if its ascetically pleasing to her or not? And possibly tell her that since she has lego hair we don't want her hair advice

but supply your daughter with a hairbrush and encourage her to tidy her hair frequently
NO! Even if she had perfectly straight hair (like mine) that looks bedraggled by lunchtime (like mine), she is at school to learn, her hair is tied back, so that last thing the HT should be doing is telling her that she needs to spend time during the school day brushing her hair frequently!!

I would definitely be talking to the HT about what kind of message this is sending to girls and how rude it is to insult someone's hair.

However shit the Head's hair actually is, I think you would be better to mention something along the lines of 'Please do not hurt my DD's feelings again, it's unnecessary and inappropriate given your place of authority'. I would definitely be annoyed as well so YANBU. Something like that can potentially crush a kid that age.

Well- my 14 year old SON has past shoulder length frizzy wavy hair- I saw a female teacher do a hilarious double this morning at the school gates. I'd tell the head to get stuffed, OP

Absolutely agree about not tidying her hair frequently. Does the HT honestly want to teach people who are continually fussing with their hair?

If it is tied back and in its natural state nothing more needs to be said.

Ignore all the posters saying it would be childish to tell the HT she has Lego hair.

It would be a most reasonable thing to say.

I don't know why English schools are so obsessed with tying hair back in any case. My children moved from the UK to Canada, from standard uniform rules to virtually no rules. Children here have all sorts of haircuts and they seem to study just fine. No higher incidence of head lice either.

OP I'd go in hard with this because it's really unacceptable, and if she is being this unpleasant to a child with wavy hair I'd expect she is being equally unpleasant to any mixed race or black child, which would clearly be racist. I would be wanting to remind her of that as well as all the self esteem, appearance obsession issues too. I'd want to make it very hard for her to behave like this again. dh might well be the one making the complaint too - sometimes it's helpful to bring in the heavies (dh is 6'5" and big!)

My dd has very fine hair that used to turn into a birds nest within hours. tying it back helped a bit, but the elastics usually slipped within a few hours and the ends went all ratty too. Nothing she could do about it, so would have been really unfair to have called it out. A kind teacher might have brushed and retied it for her for a picture. Maybe given us some advice too if they had any. Not berated her and made her feel rubbish.

Nowadays she has a short pixie cut in fetching shades of blue.

I have adult friends who complain that they've had to explain to hairdressers what to do with their curly/frizzy hair. Also feel it has racist undertones if the school is policing children on how well their hair conforms to styles which are easier with straight hair, and as a PP said, if the child's parents heave more manageable hair they're less likely to know how to do it for their child, let alone teach the child how. This isn't a workplace where people have 10+ years of experience in managing their appearance to be so-called businesslike.

my dd has naturally wavy hair nothing i do to it makes it look neat when it is tied back the only way it is ever neat is when we wash brush and leave it alone loose and untamed! we had the same convo with primary school and all i could come up with was tie it up then add a thick alice band to disguise some of the boingy bits they hated that idea so i chopped it off she got it bobbed too short to fall into there tie back rule and i could wash brush and leave it hey presto neat hair!

as the owner of thin dead straight hair i have to say thick natural curls are a complete shock!

My hair is frizzy and fluffy and curly, and at times quite unmanageable. At school it looked like emo's daughter's hair.

It's taken me a fair few years, but I've embraced the curly girl method, and tbh just embraced me. I'm meant to have curly hair, it's meant to be big and unruly, and I don't feel right when it's straightened.

This week alone I have had compliments from 2 random strangers on my hair. I have people sigh wistfully and wish out loud their has was like mine.

I'm bragging and I really don't care. It took me years to get over the snide comments at school; "why don't you just brush it?", "a bit of water will make it smooth", and when I finally got some ghds "oh wow you look so much better with straight hair".

The head is doing far more damage than she thinks. Plus she's being ignorant about different hair textures, everyone is different.

I'd speak to her and tell her to stop commenting on your daughter's hair as that is her natural texture and you don't wish to alter it.

FWIW I work in a professional role, and have never been told my hair is not smart enough. Obviously I make sure my hair wash night is before a big meeting so it's a bit less huge, but otherwise people can take me as I come.

Finishing off in my head with 'just because you clip your hair on in the morning, you square-headed bitch'.

Just as a general tip, try using a wide toothed comb instead of a brush. It'll be easier for her to get it through by herself and doesn't break up the waves/curls too much so they can fall into their natural pattern and it prevents tangles.

^ not because the head is a cow has said something but purely to make styling easier for your dd.

My daughter has the opposite problem. She essentially has baby hair. It's so fine that it looks messy 2 seconds after it has been put up. Your head would love her... I'd ignore. Subversively, do Lego themed stuff tho...

send her a lego christmas card?

If her hair is prone to frizz she might be better to treat it like curly hair - comb through when wet and covered in conditioner then avoid brushing.

The head is being very unprofessional to make personal comments about your DD's appearance. I would be having words to point out that her hair has been neatly plaited and that fully complies with the rules. I'd also point out that you are very unhappy that she is giving your DD the message that there's something wrong with her hair's natural texture. I'd ask her what they do as a school to promote positive body image among girls and help them deal with the pressures to live up to a photoshopped, 'ideal' female image.

I really don't get the obsession with hair either. Bizarre. Children are at school to learn- which ht has the time to fuss over children's hair? My dd does her own hair and she is 5. It always looks a bit messy but it is up and doesn't stop her learning.

"all i could come up with was tie it up then add a thick alice band to disguise some of the boingy bits they hated that idea so i chopped it off "

Actually peeed myself laughing at Lego picture.

Definately go in and complain OP, the head has np right to say things like this.

Well my youngest has come out today really upset as his teacher has told him 'If you don't stop playing with your hair, I'm going to get your Mum to chop it all off.' He has a fringe that doesn't cover his eyes but he brushes it off his forehead. Last month, she told me his fringe needed a trim as it was in his eyes and I did it that night (it wasn't overly long). So annoyed. I've told her he's an anxious/sensitive child already and now this.

The Head is teaching your DD that what is important is not what she achieves, but how she looks. I would tell her that.

DD has swooshy, flat, blonde hair. Still looks shite by home time because she's running and jumping all day.

Dear god, do people not know that you do NOT brush curly frizzy hair.
Do NOT give her a brush and hair band that will make matters worse as I'm sure you are already fully aware. The more you brush the bigger and fluffier it gets - DOH!!!
And chemically straightening gorgeous hair like that??? Seriously??? At the age of 11. NO NO NO AND A BIT FAT NO AGAIN.

I would be having a word with the head teacher. It's no OK to focus on a child's hair. More their hard work and achievements, surely. Tell her that!!

My sister and I have curly hair. Hers is more afro and thank goodness it's now her crowning glory.
But when at school and dancing etc..., it was an absolute nightmare.

I have hair like your DD, I used to get twigs stuck in it after break time.

Tell the head to bugger off there's nothing wrong with her hair

The head needs telling that it's not okay to tell a child they look messy! As someone who's always had crazy, curly, frizzy hair, there quite simply is nothing that can be done to make it look sleek and coiffed. She could do some serious damage to self-esteem by talking to kids like that.

I'd ask the head if she has ever said the same thing to a boy.

My sympathy, my sisters hair is same/same probs at school. The head is weirdly unaware of self esteem/self image issues for children and how easily you can damage children with such comments. I would have a word if she carries on.

Pony tail is way easier/quicker: before you put it up, brush thru a good few spritzs of cheapo own brand styling spray. Only use wide apart bristles brush with rounded end plastic bristles or you make frizz way worse .

When you wash it, use same brush so conditioner gets on every part of the hair root to tip & leave a good 5mins before rinsing. (There is a theory that styling spray repels nits as they prefer cleaner hair and my sis never had them, neither did I).

Gorgeous hair! I love it.
Stupid head teacher. Definitely pull them up on it.