To tell the head that actually HER hair looks shit

[Denmancanttouchthis]

DD year 6 has just started doing her own hair in preparation for residential trip. School rules state it has to be tied back. She can do a perfectly serviceable plait with no hair loose/around her face. She has naturally frizzy/wavy hair anyway

The head teacher told her twice last week her hair was messy and 'looked a mess'. Head told her she couldn't get her photo taken for the newsletter on Friday as her hair was too messy, overheard by DS as well.

AIBU that if the hair meets school rules then head can bugger off with her opinion of if its ascetically pleasing to her or not? And possibly tell her that since she has lego hair we don't want her hair advice

Oh my. What sort of school is it that the Head teacher thinks there's something wrong with sending out a newsletter with a messy-looking child's photo in it? Don't most 6 year olds look a bit disheveled during the course of a school day? Her comments were inappropriate. I'd be fuming if a teacher made a comment on my dc's appearance beyond not wearing school uniform correctly.

Unfortunately I do look like the wild woman of Borneo, I'm in my 30's and I try to tame the frizz and curls, but they usually get the best of me.

When I was a couple of years younger than your DD my Mum was away so my DF & DB attempted to do a plait, when I got to school my teacher kindly asked who'd done my hair that morning. When I said my Dad and giggled, she offered to redo it for me. I gladly accepted and was relieved because it looked shit because she was so nice about it. If she'd said what your HT said I'd have been mortified!

Please complain to stop her damaging other little girls confidence and if you can drop in any reference to helmet heads or Lego men, please do

Wavy/curly hair does not need a hairbrush - this is what causes the all some of frizz ffs!

Exactly Chop!

When I was younger and persevering with long hair, in the days before ceramic straighteners, I had a stylist who, despite my protestations, insisted on blow drying it "straight". Despite being shoulder length, it was stuck out almost horizontally. I had many a haircut where the clips being used to section it would fly off and it resisted most attempts to tie it up or back, as it just bounced straight out, again. Added to that, the front never grew past the end of my nose, which added an extra layer of resistance to being kept off my face.

I've now given up and have it very short, since persuading it to even pretend to curl properly is as futile and time consuming as trying to convince it to be straight. Even now, it goes through periods of looking utterly shit because of where in the growing cycle the wave is. It's going through a truly horrible phase, at the moment and, true to form, the more I try to persuade it to behave, the worse it looks.

What the actual fuck has the world come to when a head teacher can pass public judgement on a child's appearance and people are suggesting anything other than that the head teacher is at fault?

What next? "sorry your nose is too big for a photo"

MN: ohh yes the mum should get her a nose job pronto! and teach her to take better care of her appearance while your at it!

It's like we don't have a crisis in teenage girls body confidence and we are out to create one!

Kids are at school to learn...hopefully something more than girls are judged primarily on their appearance so why not give maths a skip and sort your hair out?

"the straight shiny-haired brigade don't know they're born!"

But even then it doesn't mean that hair will stay as it was done in the morning.

WhateverI tied my hair up with would gradually slip, so hair would escape & then you sort of pull the ponytail in two to make the hair bobble go back up so that it would get all messy at the bak as well!

I would be so cross! How unprofessional, sexist and possibly racist (not only re: afro curly hair but also lots of Spanish/Italian/Greek ladies have lots of 'difficult' curly hair.)

I personally unless my DD was bothered by her hair wouldn't be buying any kind of serum type products to make it neater. Boys aren't subjected to all this nonsense

(am possibly a bit bitter as I've been told 'you'd look so pretty if you straightened your hair' a lot!)

As the mother of a wild-haired DD (Currently 6yo) please send NormaStit's message and save future children from this stupidity.

At the moment DD1 is going to school with her hair in a bun (sick of nits), the bun is neat but the hair before the ponytail is a bit bumpy and not slick. By the end of the day she has a lot of escaped hair that spirals into little curls and I think looks lovely. When it's loose it's a mass of curls, or if brushed it goes 'fluffy' which she loves.

DD1 has my soft, very straight hair. As she's 4yo it's very soft and light and won't all go into a plait, ponytail or bun. I do my best. I use a lot of hair slides to pin up the escapees, but they slip too.

They are at some point going to want each other's hair... I'm trying to set them up for a life of brush&go and accept what you have as it's all good. Anyone making comments against this would get taken out probably find themselves shaved, then tarred and feathered having a punch up letter of complaint sent to the governors asking what the policy on the HD bullying a child over their appearance is.

That was HT, not High Definition...

and DD2 with my hair. Giving up now.

This is my dd's hair in its natural state

Got put in detention for it being a mess

She now covers it in gel and ties it in a bun everyday -looks a million times worse IMO

Fellow wild hair person here who was also told at primary school my hair was a mess on many occasions.
This was during the 70's and I still fret about having thick hair and how it never manages to look sleek and styled.
I would complain, it really is unacceptable.

Emochild Your daughter's hair is beautiful!

That hair is beautiful!

The colour, the waves.

Knocks my boring straight dark brown with grey into a cocked hat!

I could understand if she was asked to tie it back if that's the school rules, but other than that...

That's is some beautiful hair emo. Our Head sports a "sideshow Bob"

Oops - I see Y6 not 6 year old. My comments still stand though.

And also straight hair gets "messy" after a while when just worn down, doesn't it?

I do think that long hair is best tied back for school to keep it out of the way, but if hair is allowed to be worn down, then it is & calling wavy, thick hair messy is disgusting.

It's discriminatory!

I'd tell her to go and do what she does best and stop acting as a hair and beauty specialist.

Emo that is outrageous. I really hope you complained.

Your DD has hair exactly like me and DD2. DD2 had spent her school career with curly bobs when she was little, graduating to long hair pinned up with about a thousand hair clips. It was so lovely to see her going off to college this morning with an absolute mass of waist length, tumbling curls.

I would definitely intervene face to face with the head over this. And I may take it higher. I can understand how angry you are because yes your child was humiliated, but I would just say what you need to say in a succinct no nonsense way.

That's shocking. Poor child. You really should take this up with the HT OP, she has no right to crush a child like that. When my DD was in 6th form she had rainbow coloured dip dyed hair. (There was no school rules on the dying of hair). The HT refused to allow her to have her 6th form photo taken with her year group "because she looked like a mermaid" . I made an appointment and asked how his daughters peroxide blonde hair was deemed acceptable? He couldn't answer me. She was in the same year group. I basically ripped him a new arsehole. He still puts his head down at meetings with me as I'm the HT of one of his primary feeder schools, twat that he is.

This is like something from Jane Eyre, when her friend has to get her chopped off because it's curly!

What does she say about children with mixed race for black hair?

Christ on a bike, calling someone who is obeying the rules as having messy hair is a monumental NoNo - that's racist shit.

I'd bring up those personal and judgemental comments with the education board or trust, and the management and definately suggest that the head recieves training on how not to humiliate and expose children in her care to comment and ridicule including from herself.

Btw what's with all the comments on the wild woman of Borneo? That's a bit racist too isn't it?

I think if the child is obeying the rules, and her hair is put back, as requested, than the natural wave, curl or afro is what the child has, and to comment on that is a personal comment, and potentially racist.

Pull the head up on it OP and go to the board of management. Demand an apology for your dd who was obeying rules! Demand the head receives training on how not to make personal and judgemental and racist comments.

We have to fight against bigotry and racism.

Looks like the head had Lego fro brains too. She needs training.

If it's that frizzy, you may want to consider getting it chemically straightened - most afro Caribbean salons offer that service and usually have childrens products available.

Despite having 2 white British parents and 4 white British grandparents, I've got afro Caribbean hair which I get chemically straightened every 3 months. Growing up in a very small rural village, I got bullied horrendously for my 'frizzy' hair and picked on by both children and adults (called a 'freak' in the local post office) - Think of what Michael Jacksons afro looked like... then think of a female child, with BLONDE hair....

I started getting it braided at 16/17 and whilst the school refused to begin with, my Mother threatened to go to the papers for racial discrimination as black girls were allowed to braid their hair, yet the school said I wasn't. The school relented and I kept my hair in braids until I was 22, when I switched to chemical products and have never, ever looked back.

If my hair was 'natural' it would be so wild and frizzy, I don't think anything could make it look 'calm'... I also know if I kept straightening it with heat - it would break off and become very brittle and even worse.

Sticking the normal types of hair products you find in Boots on hair that's really frizzy doesn't always work and can just make hair 'claggy'. I tend to stay faaaar away from things like 'frizz-ease' which are expensive and useless (in my opinion) and buy specialist ones from either the internet or afro Caribbean hair shops which are cheap in comparison.

The Fantasia IC range is amazing - 'Fantasia Ic Olive Moisturizing Shine Serum Hair Polisher' and the one with the white top are my lifeline - they keep your hair moisturised and shiny but not greasy or claggy and you only need a very small amount, even on thick, frizzy hair