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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell the head that actually HER hair looks shit

155 replies

Denmancanttouchthis · 12/10/2015 09:16

DD year 6 has just started doing her own hair in preparation for residential trip. School rules state it has to be tied back. She can do a perfectly serviceable plait with no hair loose/around her face. She has naturally frizzy/wavy hair anyway

The head teacher told her twice last week her hair was messy and 'looked a mess'. Head told her she couldn't get her photo taken for the newsletter on Friday as her hair was too messy, overheard by DS as well.

AIBU that if the hair meets school rules then head can bugger off with her opinion of if its ascetically pleasing to her or not? And possibly tell her that since she has lego hair we don't want her hair advice

OP posts:
VulcanWoman · 12/10/2015 10:31

Sounds like the head is being unreasonable. What does she want you to do plaster it down with gel or something. Grin Lego head.

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 12/10/2015 10:33

I have wavy hair that always escapes from ponytails and plaits. I also had a spiteful headmistress who liked to publicly point it out. She actually used to come into the classroom to tell me my hair looked dreadful, which was really upsetting.

Do say something, your daughter shouldn't be made to feel bad about having perfectly normal hair. What kind of message is that sending!? I can see why you are tempted to mention the Lego hair, but it's probably best not to.

Etak15 · 12/10/2015 10:34

If someone had made a comment like that and upset my daughter I too would be pissed off and want to call her Lego head however maybe to be the bigger person you should complain that your daughter has been extremely upset by the headteachers nasty comments and upset that she couldn't be in the photo, and why didn't her class teacher stick up for her or say come on I'll help you neaten it up a bit?

P1kachoo · 12/10/2015 10:37

NormaStits

Yes!

OnlyLovers · 12/10/2015 10:42

Ask the head (or the governors?) what about your daughter's hair doesn't meet school standards.

If they can't actually put it into words beyond 'it looks a mess', they haven't a leg to stand on.

Don't tell her she's got Lego hair though, tempting as it is. Grin

Whoever said the OP admitted her daughter's hair is 'not aesthetically pleasing so why not just teach her how to sort her hair?', no she didn't; she said it wasn't pleasing to the head. It doesn't need 'sorting' by the sounds of things.

BarbarianMum · 12/10/2015 10:54

Quite a lot of people only find hair neat if it is straight. I once had a work supervisor who had a word with myself and my colleague because of our messy (ie curly/frizzy hair) and pretty much told us to straighten it Angry My colleague, who was mixed race, went straight from the meeting to HR and made a complaint. A couple of hours later we were called into a second meeting to be told it had all been a mistake and curls, frizz, waves, afros and braids all were in fact allowed.

OP I would tear the head a new one.

BerylStreep · 12/10/2015 10:55

I would write exactly what NormaStitt said.

StickyProblem · 12/10/2015 11:02

NormaStits you rock! Fantastic response!

cashewnutty · 12/10/2015 11:04

What a horrible thing to say to a child. My DD2 has way hair with a strange cows lick at the front. It never looks very tidy in a pony tail. At that age she would come out of school resembling a wild woman. She was never pulled up for this because her school was more focussed on things like, you know, learning and shit.

MrsMook · 12/10/2015 11:04

The head is unreasonable to comment on her hair.

DS a natural scruff. Between a cow's link and double crown, his thick tufts are better off weighing themselves down in a longer wavy surfer type look rather than keeping him short and resembling a worn out toilet brush that shows of his knobbly lopsided head!

RussianTea · 12/10/2015 11:06

You admit your daughter's hair is not 'aesthetically pleasing', so why not just teach her how to sort her hair? You will be heading for trouble when she is older if you don't.

Why? Confused

What 'trouble' could tidy, tied-up, off-the-face but not immaculately groomed, aesthetically perfect hair possibly cause?

Audweb81 · 12/10/2015 11:11

I actually think this I awful. I have mad big curly hair which I do sometimes tie back but it actually looks better loose. My daughter has afro type hair which is loose. What would the head teacher say to this?! Surely as long as it looks reasonably presentable that's all that matters.

steppemum · 12/10/2015 11:12

I love Normas approach, and would put it in writing to in really comes across. I would also add though, that surely a child is in the newsletter based on their achievement not on their looks?
Is her achievement (whatever it was) then no longer valid because her hair is wavy?

This is really an interesting case, my nieces are mixed race and have masses of curls spilling out of any bobble/pony tail or plait. If you were to say that their hair was untidy, it would be racism, wouldn't it?

I might also add to Normas that she was learning to do her hair in preparation for the school trip, and as such you and she should be thanked by the school for taking the time to prepare her well.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 12/10/2015 11:28

Your DD is doing a good job of tying her hair back if she's able to plait it.
HT should not be commenting, especially not negatively, and twice in a week, about the results of these excellent efforts, her own opinions on the asethetics of things/ the children's appearance
If it were once that would be one thing but she's clearly making a habit of such behaviour and probably upsetting many children as she swans (glides smoothly with her slicked back lego hair?!) about the place issuing judgements on everyone's frizz factor and probably worse!
You should speak up on your DD's behalf, and for all the other poor children in this school Smile

CactusAnnie · 12/10/2015 11:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Denmancanttouchthis · 12/10/2015 11:31

She was having her photo taken because she got voted house captain. The photo stays up in the foyer and goes in the newsletter.

Head told her she would take the photo on Monday as her hair looked messy. It was the second time that week she'd said it!

OP posts:
NeverEverAnythingEver · 12/10/2015 11:32

What NormaStits says.

What an awful head. Please complain.

And Lego hair made me Grin. If you can slip that in somewhere in your complaint it would be brilliant! >

NeverEverAnythingEver · 12/10/2015 11:34

Xpost. So her achievement didn't count because she didn't look "good" enough? WTF is wrong with the head?

gandalf456 · 12/10/2015 11:34

It would be very funny if you did but....no :)

FloatIsRechargedNow · 12/10/2015 11:36

Another vote for Norma from me. Before I became acquainted with Lego figures I used to call it Helmet Hair, anyway I think slightly messy plaited hair looks lovely.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 12/10/2015 11:43

Yeh, it looks better with the odd wispy bit, bump, frizz and curl doesn't it Float?

MagicMojito · 12/10/2015 11:47

Head sounds like a bully tbh. That sounds really hurtful. I had terrible hair as a child. A comment like that, and then not letting her be in the photo could really damage your dds self esteem.
Stupid woman. Some people really shouldn't be allowed to work with children Angry

Marzipanface · 12/10/2015 11:50

another vote for Norma's post. Put this in writing. This would drive me mental. My daughter has difficult hair and if I heard that she couldn't have photos or that a headteacher was making comments like that, I am likely to go fucking mental on her arse. Head has helmet hair here as well. Perhaps it is the same school!!

BumWad · 12/10/2015 11:52

What Norma said!

GoblinLittleOwl · 12/10/2015 11:52

We had a parent who accused his daughter of having messy hair that always looked a mess. His aim was to discredit her mother and prove that she was neglecting her, so he could gain custody. Fortunately the child's teacher pointed out that she and the child had identical hair; thick, wavy and long, and although it started out in the morning looking immaculate (thanks to mother's french plait) it quickly became frizzy and unmanageable.
The Head could have phrased her comments more kindly, but supply your daughter with a hairbrush and encourage her to tidy her hair frequently.