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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner called me ungrateful.

226 replies

HodgePodge23 · 09/10/2015 18:10

Him and I have different outlooks on gifts and I'm starting to think that perhaps I'm a bitch.

A few things led him to call me this. Firstly, my in laws bought us some baby stuff when my son was born. I left it at their house (in my partners old room) as we didn't need it and we don't have a lot of space at our house for unnecessary things. They recently found it and got upset that we hadn't used it. I'm of the impression that you can give someone a gift, great, but they are under no obligation to use it. Especially if they haven't said they needed it.

Another few examples. My sister asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I told her what I wanted and she got me something else (same price) because that's the thing she liked. I was miffed because I didn't like it, nor did I need it. She was upset because I didn't like it. My partner once again said I was horrible and that I should be grateful. She shouldn't have bloody asked me what I wanted if she wasn't going to get it!

Lastly my gran bought something age innapropriate for my baby. I thanked her and said he wouldn't be able to use it just yet as it was a choking hazard. She exclaimed she could never do anything right and took the bloody gift back!!

So yeah, aibu or is he?

OP posts:
bialystockandbloom · 09/10/2015 20:53

Some lovely reasoned and helpful responses here, hope they've helped you OP. Shame about the blinkered and personally insulting ones Hmm

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/10/2015 20:53

mileend again, stop behaving like a Dick. You this hard faced in real life? I really hope not.

Senpai · 09/10/2015 20:53

OP You might get more help on a forum called Wrong Planet

Brioche201 · 09/10/2015 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 09/10/2015 20:54
PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/10/2015 20:55

Brioche personal insult and you didn't rtft. Good start.

bialystockandbloom · 09/10/2015 20:55

paulanka absolutely agree with you

mrsc I have the same worries about my ds too Sad

mileend2bermondsey · 09/10/2015 20:57

Good response cowface youve won me over.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 09/10/2015 20:59

Thought I'd try and talk your kind of language no point in trying reasoned discussion. Can't argue with stupid Smile

HunterHearstHelmsley · 09/10/2015 21:00

Totally unreasonable... But you can be my friend, I hate buying presents!!

bialystockandbloom · 09/10/2015 21:00

Jesus fucking christ why are people not reading even a tiny bit of this thread past the OP??

"Bitch" "cow" "very rude" "spoilt" - and you can hear the gasps of horror from almost every other comment.

Really? Just for being a bit unnecessarily (by neurotypical standards) blunt about a present?? OP hasn't punched an old lady ffs

bialystockandbloom · 09/10/2015 21:01

And people would do well to remember that the OP has said more than once THAT SHE DID THANK HER ILS AND GRAN FOR THEIR PRESENTS!

And this ^ too

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/10/2015 21:02

bialy because people love to kick people when their down.

mileend2bermondsey · 09/10/2015 21:02

thought I'd try and talk your kind of language

I must have missed the part where I told you to fuck off and called you a silly uneduated twat?

Original poster
HodgePodge23 · 09/10/2015 21:03

My in laws bought me- baby bath products. We didn't need them yet as he only washes with water. Fiddly clothes. Cot mobiles. The cot was actually bought for their house. I don't know if they expected us to be staying over more or leaving our son there. The useful stuff we took.

My sister bought me a board game that she'd previously spoken of and I'd shown no interest in.

My gran bought him a toy phone which he used straight away. And small ikea sized POINTY colouring pencils. He's 10 months, he can't colour.

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/10/2015 21:05

Op, if you are going to stay on this thread can I please ask you ignore the nasty, goady posters? Don't let them upset you.

PacificMouse · 09/10/2015 21:07

Can I ask, the gift was given to the OP by her PIL for the baby. Is it only me to think that her DP was just as involved in getting the stuff back to their house and just as involved in deciding to leave it at his parents' house???
So why is it that it's her DP that calls her ungrateful? (I can understand her PILpov but then again, her DP didn't take it back either so, as the parent, I would have understood that I had been interfering too much and that both of them were happy with the arrangement)

Re your sister... I think she was cheeky but again, smile politely and decide what you want to do with it. Maybe sell it on Ebay later on.

And your gran... I would probably not have said anything but if she had wanted my dc to play with it now and then, then I would have explained. No way I would have let my dc play with something dangerous just to keep someone happy!

badg3r · 09/10/2015 21:08

Haha... your gran took offence because you wouldn't let your 10 month old play with colouring pencils?! In that case, YWNBU. Of course it depends how you say it but she does sound quite highly strung.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 09/10/2015 21:10

If I show myself to be a silly, uneducated twat then you will be quite within your rights to call me one milend2. If you don't want to appear to be one then don't post like one maybe?

Original poster
HodgePodge23 · 09/10/2015 21:12

It's fine, they don't bother me! Oh and I left out that I put most of the unwanted presents in the spare room in the cot, they converted the room to a nursery (I visited one day and they were like "surprise!! Here's a nursery for him!!") I only left a couple in my partners old room. I wasn't even attempting to hide them which shows I wasn't being purposefully rude.

OP posts:
redexpat · 09/10/2015 21:13

Op i think it woumd really help if you read a website or the book about 5 love languages. Some people give whatever gifts as a way of showing love, because thats how they want people to show them love. When you leeave the gift at their house that feels like you rejecting them.

Your sister - well i dont think ywbu. I am bombarded for wish lists for me and 2dc every year in october. So throughout the year if i think of something, i put it on a list on the fridge. Then i can give it to them when they ask. I get annoyed when people then go off list, because it feels like them trampling over my wishes, which i have gone out of my way to give them. I could have got the stuff on offer if i had known they wouldnt get it.

Buying the cot when you said you didnt need one - agsin i think you have a point. It is railroading over your wishes. It says our way is better than yours. Or it could be, you might change your mind, have this just in case.

But yes you do need to smile, than, and then regift or charity shop the unwanted gifts. Although i do get where you are coming from.

PacificMouse · 09/10/2015 21:13

OP I can see why you took the useful stuff.
I would say that some of it (like the baby bath stuff) was going to be useful at some point and doesn't take that much space so I would have taken it.
Clothes I would have taken too and left them at the back of the cupboard.
A cot mobile if you don't have a cot is pointless.... I would have left that with the cot.

A game... can I say it might be worth trying to play that game before saying you don't ike it? (Yes I know in some ways I'm asking a lot but serioulsy, I know both DH and dc2 have had some surprises - both have AS)

mileend2bermondsey · 09/10/2015 21:15

cowface chose one excuse and stick to it. Last post you did a personal attack full of offensive language because you wanted to 'talk my kind of language' despite me making no posts like that myself.

If you want to make a sweary personal attack thats fine, just dont try and back track and justify it by saying I did it first

sleepyelectricsheep · 09/10/2015 21:15

HodgePodge23 I just re-read my post where I tried to explain how it feels if you have a present rejected.

I just wanted to say, it sounds harsher than I intended it!

I was just trying to answer your post where you said "I can't wrap my brain around why what I did was wrong" in a constructive way.

My mum has ASD, and I know she just doesn't get certain things sometimes, and I wanted to try to give you a bit on an insight in case it helped.

I'm shocked at how rude some people are being here - ironically in posts where they're talking about you being rude!

Mumsnet is full of some choice arseholes at the moment IMO. People totally lacking in any compassion, intelligence or insight. I hope you are not upset by them.

Senpai · 09/10/2015 21:16

Coloring pencils?? For a baby? Grin I'm actually shocked you had to explain to her why he couldn't use them. You DH shouldn't be confused on this either tbh.

DD can't even be trusted around washable non-toxic crayons.

Is the board game something you and her and some friends can play together? Maybe she wanted something interesting to do at your place? DB got me a game that he liked, so I played it with him. Then he lost interest in it and it collects dust because I have no one to play with.