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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner called me ungrateful.

226 replies

HodgePodge23 · 09/10/2015 18:10

Him and I have different outlooks on gifts and I'm starting to think that perhaps I'm a bitch.

A few things led him to call me this. Firstly, my in laws bought us some baby stuff when my son was born. I left it at their house (in my partners old room) as we didn't need it and we don't have a lot of space at our house for unnecessary things. They recently found it and got upset that we hadn't used it. I'm of the impression that you can give someone a gift, great, but they are under no obligation to use it. Especially if they haven't said they needed it.

Another few examples. My sister asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I told her what I wanted and she got me something else (same price) because that's the thing she liked. I was miffed because I didn't like it, nor did I need it. She was upset because I didn't like it. My partner once again said I was horrible and that I should be grateful. She shouldn't have bloody asked me what I wanted if she wasn't going to get it!

Lastly my gran bought something age innapropriate for my baby. I thanked her and said he wouldn't be able to use it just yet as it was a choking hazard. She exclaimed she could never do anything right and took the bloody gift back!!

So yeah, aibu or is he?

OP posts:
RB68 · 09/10/2015 20:18

You are being ungracious - accept, smile, thank and move on.

florentina1 · 09/10/2015 20:19

I think the OP's Inlaws were rude. She stated she did not want a cot,she stated she did not have the room. Regardless of that they bought it anyway.

What else was she to do with it.
Likewise the granny present. Let your child choke, so as not to upset Gramdma.

As for the sister well I have put up with this sort of thing too. Why ask if you are. Not going to buy what the recipient wants.

I don't think you were ungrateful. I think you have saved yourself a lifetime of unwanted gifts.

Stylingwax · 09/10/2015 20:20

Respect to the OP for asking.
But yes, the rule with all gifts is 'thank you so much? Just fab' and take home. Put in a drawer and roll out once when giver visits 'doesn't DD look lovely in a baby bikini' then quietly lose 'we used it so much it fell apart'.

CalleighDoodle · 09/10/2015 20:25

Oh dear god yes youre unreasonable and rude! With the grandma just say im sure he will love it, take it home and give it to him when it is age appropriate. Not rocket science. Just good manners.

gamerchick · 09/10/2015 20:27

You need a rule of thumb book to mentally refer to if you don't want to cause offense.

mileend2bermondsey · 09/10/2015 20:27

I have RTFT. The drip feed makes no difference to my post. I cant comprehend how anyone, ASD or not, can get to adulthood without being able to understand that you dont abandon a gift in the gift givers house because you think its 'uneccessary'.

OP doesnt sound just rude but deliberately spiteful, did she think it would never be found?? If you really dont want it just take it home and put it in the bin.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 09/10/2015 20:32

Oh well if you can't comprehend it then it can't be possible can it? What a twatty thing to say Hmm

Fratelli · 09/10/2015 20:33

I've only read the op. Yabu and ungrateful. Just smile and say thank you. Leaving a gift in their house was just rude and horrid imho. With the gift from your sister you should just be grateful for the gift. And with the age inappropriate toy just keep it until he's old enough! Ridiculous to complain about it.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/10/2015 20:34

Read the rest then fratelli.

mileend2bermondsey · 09/10/2015 20:35

I didn't say its impossible did I cowface ? Just that I cant comprehend it. The two are not synonymous so I am unsure what your post is supposed to mean.

ilovesooty · 09/10/2015 20:38

The OP has accepted that others would find the behaviour rude. I don't see why people are still having a go at her.

mileend2bermondsey · 09/10/2015 20:38

If you want the TL:DR fratelli it's:

OP: AIBU?
Thread: YES!
OP: I have ASD
Thread: Oh, sorry thats fine then! Flowers

TheDowagerCuntess · 09/10/2015 20:40

Fratelli, speaking of rude...

Why expect us to read your post, when you can't even be bothered to read everyone else's? That's what 'only reading the OP' amounts to.

peggyundercrackers · 09/10/2015 20:44

I don't believe your asd is the reason you hid the presents at your PILs.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/10/2015 20:45

Oh do shut up mileend. What a nasty attitude. The op has admitted to being wrong and asked for advice on how to handle these situations. Still people like you have to bitch and stir things.

Why? Why when someone was asking for advice and is taking it?

cuntycowfacemonkey · 09/10/2015 20:46

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Senpai · 09/10/2015 20:48

OP: AIBU?
Thread: YES!
OP: I have ASD, and admit I was rude.
Thread: Oh, well here's what people do when accepting gifts then.

No one said it was fine or that ASD was a get out of jail free card. Hmm

cuntycowfacemonkey · 09/10/2015 20:48

And no one said it was ok it just helped us to understand the why and in turn help the OP change how she goes about things in the future which she has said more than once she will do.

TheFormidableMrsC · 09/10/2015 20:48

Wish this wasn't in AIBU. Hope to fuck my ASD son doesn't get this sort of shit in his adult years. The OP has been very brave in my opinion, acknowledged that she might have dealt with things differently and has thanked everybody. Still the bitchfest continues....

bialystockandbloom · 09/10/2015 20:49

I think it's equally ungracious to pretend to like a present then just bin it when you get home. If I got someone something they really didn't like/want/need I'd rather they said so - wouldn't hurt my feelings at all, actually I think I'd be more upset if I found out they had thrown it away or hidden it in a drawer - far more wasteful. At least if someone is honest you can return it and get them something they really do want.

But it does depend on how they say it.

A polite "thank you so much but I have to say I'm afraid that's unsuitable because it'll choke the baby/I can't wear acrylic/I'm allergic to chocolate/it makes me look like an elephant, would you be awfully offended if I changed it" is fine. And actually that's kind of what you did say to your granny isn't it.

Whereas "fuck me that is horrific how DARE you give me that shit" and flinging it in your face is obv unacceptable Grin

TheFormidableMrsC · 09/10/2015 20:49

What Cunty said. That.

mileend2bermondsey · 09/10/2015 20:50

Sorry cowface didnt realise ASD was a carte blanche to be rude as hell to everyone.

At least Ive learnt something new today, thanks!

CrapBag · 09/10/2015 20:50

I suspect I have aspergers, whilst I know full well that you don't tell people you don't like their present, I also struggle to show it because I am utterly rubbish at pretending (bit I do try my hardest). I can understand the OP and why she has struggled with this.

And people would do well to remember that the OP has said more than once THAT SHE DID THANK HER ILS AND GRAN FOR THEIR PRESENTS! What she actually said to her gran was it couldn't be used now because of small parts and her gran took offence to this. Would anyone here give their baby something that was a choking hazard to avoid hurting the feelings of the gift giver? I doubt it very much!

As for the ILs, the only reason they bought the cot was because they didn't agree with the OPS decision to Co sleep, pretty PA thing to do really so their own fault that it didn't get used, they were told a cot wasn't needed but decided to buy it regardless.

YANBU about your sister, why bother to ask what you want if she is going to buy something she wants to use instead!

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/10/2015 20:51

People on here are dicks sometimes. Compassion, empathy and sympathy seem to have left certain area of mumsnet.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 09/10/2015 20:52

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