To be hurt one of my best friends is not coming to my ds party because she's doing diy

[Oddnoddle]

Been a difficult few years for various reasons
Having. Party for our sons birthday and one of my friends has said she won't be coming as she's doing diy

There's no emergency reason why this diy needs doing urgently
And tbh it's hurt my feelings

I do have kids and a kids' party is my idea of hell.

I know you've had a difficult few years, but your language about what your friend is doing is very dismissive. Our house is in need of a lot of TLC, which means lots of DIY. The alternative is paying lots of money for someone else to do the jobs, which, if we had that money, would mean we wouldn't be living in a house in need of lots of TLC in the first place.

YABU. It would never even occur to me to invite adult friends to a child's birthday party, unless they had children of a similar age who were invited. As for expecting a childless friend to attend and being hurt when they decline? Odd, and a bit sad. Please OP don't resent your friend for not being as wrapped up in your child as you are! A few years down the line I'm sure you'll look back and be a bit bemused by your own reaction. Don't let this ruin your friendship.

The problem with all the 'its perfectly possible to have a lovely peaceful 2 year olds party' argument is that the friend doesn't know how it will pan out. She might go along hoping it will be that, yet end up giving up her precious Saturday being the only child free person in a screaming heap of toddlers, Pom Bears and carrot sticks while no one has any time to talk to her.

I only invited my friends to my kids christenings because I used them as a family celebration and it was more adults than kids, and a mixture of people, some with, some without kids.

Lol at constance 's comparing of a 2 yr old's party to having a filling. Hit the nail on the head there.

I (childless) did actually go to a three year old's birthday this summer, but there were only two other children there apart from the birthday boy. It was basically a dinner party with a bouncy castle. We had a great time, but I suspect your boy's day will be a bit more child-focused.

I see how you feel, but if she was invited on her own she was really looking at two hours of standing around clasping an increasingly cold cup of tea whilst you run around sorting out nibbles, children and talking to relatives, all whilst glancing at her watch to see how long it was before she could leave without seeming rude. It's different with say your aunt's do- you probably know other relatives there so you have people to talk to, you could bring a friend/your son and, your aunt obviously wanted you there. It's just way different when you're only friendly with two people at a do, and one of those is too busy catching a high off massive amounts of E-numbers to notice your presence.

Constance - This just reads like all-about-me on behalf of the OP. No feelings whatsoever as to any needs on behalf of the friend. Who doesn't seem to matter at all to you or the OP. S'all take and no give.

Not at all. I haven't criticised the friend in the least in any of my posts and, of course, respect her right to make her own decision. She may well have totally different expectations from the OP, and, for all we know, put a different valuation on their friendship. I came on the thread simply to say that I understand the OP's feelings, especially in view of the troubles she had had in the last two years, which may have made her more sensitive.

For all you know OP she might have struggled with infertility for years and be unable to handle the thought of all those parents and young children. I hear that you've had a difficult time recently but YABU to be so upset. If she was blowing off a catch up lunch with you at short notice to paint the kitchen cupboards you might legitimately feel insulted at what that said about how important you are to her; but there are many reasons why she might not want to to attend a child's party, all the way from needing to do DIY through not really liking toddlers to suffering from infertility. YABU - why not just arrange an adults only meet up with her?

Ok, well I won't send a shitty reply then

See OP this line ^ does not paint you as a thoughtful do-thing-for-others kind of person. Such a person would not send a shitty text to a friend even if they did feel let down or hurt.