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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt one of my best friends is not coming to my ds party because she's doing diy

159 replies

Oddnoddle · 07/10/2015 13:36

Been a difficult few years for various reasons
Having. Party for our sons birthday and one of my friends has said she won't be coming as she's doing diy

There's no emergency reason why this diy needs doing urgently
And tbh it's hurt my feelings

OP posts:
Vintagebeads · 07/10/2015 14:38

I don't get why you can't see what's so unappealing about a 2yr olds party.
The fact is no one enjoys them except grandparents,and maybe the child's parents.
Can you really not think back two years and remember a better way to spend your Saturday afternoon.
I get out of every child's party possible, but toddler ones are worse again due to the supervision needed,its not like you would get time with her anyway.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/10/2015 14:39

I agree *reni2", that would be my reaction, as a childless person, asked to go to a kiddies party, DIY suddenly seems more appealling.

Scoobydoo8 · 07/10/2015 14:43

It depends if its a 2 year old's birthday party ie other mums with squabbling toddlers, crying babies, sweets and icecream or a 2 year olds party, your friends (with few DCs), family, nice three course lunch, wine and chat between the adults.

I would ring your friend and say as she can't make it let's arrange a lovely lunch just for the two of you (or at yours with only your DC) to celebrate the finishing of the diy project. I'm sure she'd appreciate that

Witchend · 07/10/2015 14:50

I'm not desperately keen at being at my dc's parties. I definitely would not want to go to one I didn't have to.

jay55 · 07/10/2015 14:57

Maybe she has a friend or family helping with the diy and that is the only time they can do it. A 2 year old wont remember who did or didn't go to their party. Your friend already has plans and doesn't want to change them and that is reasonable.

shovetheholly · 07/10/2015 15:01

This is a bit pathetic on my part and I am not making excuses for it.

But 'fessing up - I have avoided social occasions like this because of struggling with infertility. Even though I am happy for my friends with kids - genuinely - it can be difficult to be around them when I'm feeling vulnerable.

I am sure some of them think I have been thoughtless like this too. I should probably apologise!

Hellocampers · 07/10/2015 15:05

Op try best thing about being over 40 is you learn that like is far too bloody short to do stuff you don't want to in your down time.

I would rather stick pins in my eyes than attend a kids party.

I may make an exception to my soon to be here grandchild if it's just a family party and just him/her but a gaggle of 2 year olds!!! No bloody sodding way.

Stop being so demanding or you will loose your friend.

LaContessaDiPlump · 07/10/2015 15:06

I'd be a little bit upset too op - she's your friend, this is a social thing that has meaning for you and you've asked her to come, but she's said no and you feel a bit sad/hurt. That is, IMO, outstandingly normal.

I always feel a bit like an alien on threads like this when I see all the people who wouldn't be even remotely impacted by their friend's rejection of a party invitation however understandable it may be

Thanks to you op.

P.S. Don't send a shitty reply, she won't 'get' it and you'll fall out properly.

FarFromAnyRoad · 07/10/2015 15:07

OP I can totally feel your upset here but honestly - please read what people are saying.
I'd rather have an anal probe in the woods with a gnarled stick than go to a child's party. I hated them in the toddler years, hated them in the pre-teen years and I still can't abide being in a room full of kids. Most people can just about tolerate their own kids' parties but if they're honest it's pretty much hell on earth!
Please don't go all P/A on your friend unless you want to lose the friendship. Have your party, enjoy it, do something grown up with your friend.

Twinkie1 · 07/10/2015 15:08

Weird too invite someone with no kids IMO.

Twinkie1 · 07/10/2015 15:09

To not too stupid fat thumbs

BeanGirls · 07/10/2015 15:12

Yabu.The whole world doesn't revolve around you - sorry. It really doesn't make someone a bad friend because they don't want to go to a child's birthday party. Also why do you get to decide that the diy is not important to her.

MissFitt68 · 07/10/2015 15:14

Aww op. Sorry you feel like this

Sorry your friend is putting DIY first. What is she DIY-ing?

LagunaBubbles · 07/10/2015 15:17

For some reason in suppose I think I'd do it, so I expect others to

I mean this in the nicest possible way but if you expect this you are setting yourself up for hurt, everyone is different and has different minds and ways of thinking.

bluebolt · 07/10/2015 15:36

You have added extra significance because of what has happened in the last few years to your child's birthday. It is unfair for you to expect others to understand the importance of this occasion to you unless you tell them. Talk to your friend.

diddl · 07/10/2015 15:39

Is she the only adult without a child that you have invited or did you have in mind a combined child's party/get together for adults?

Redglitter · 07/10/2015 15:57

I'm just grateful none of my friends invited me to their children's parties. Bad enough to be subjected to them but she's probably thinking not only will she have to endure the party but she possibly won't know anyone there.

I don't even get invited to my nieces parties because my Brother & SIL wouldn't subject me to it, much as I adore my nieces.

OP even if she did come you'd get no opportunity to speak to her. Don't take it so personally. Reply nicely to her text and why not suggest you and her go out soon

reni2 · 07/10/2015 16:06

I often get the opposite problem, small child wanting to invite favourite grown up, can be a friend of mine, a teacher, the postman... We always say it is not the done thing (because it really isn't), children wouldn't understand their parties being a pain for grown-ups.

PuppyMonkey · 07/10/2015 16:11

If a friend asked me to their child's party, I'd probably think it was more like a "Oh do feel free to come along too if you like" type thing. And not a "if you don't come, I will be very offended" scenario. Confused

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 07/10/2015 16:16

Ugh. I don't even enjoy my own kids' parties.

If you reply with anything other than "No worries :)" you'll not only be being massively UR, she'll think you're bonkers.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 07/10/2015 16:17

I don't always go to my niece's parties tbh. I do if it's something my kids (who are older) can join in with but otherwise I try and wangle it to turn up later for the wine

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 07/10/2015 16:18

If your friend lives fairly locally OP, wonder if she'd like to pop in later for a glass of wine and a slice of cake? Then she gets to do her DIY and the two of you get a proper chat - win:win.

rainbowstardrops · 07/10/2015 16:23

Sorry but I don't blame your friend for preferring to do DIY instead of go to a 2yr olds party! It would be different of course if she had a child of a similar age.
I hate DIY but even I'd prefer that!

abbieanders · 07/10/2015 16:24

I get that you didn't want to go to your aunt's party, OP, but unless it was at the instigation of your friend, I can't see why you think that should govern her response.

ConstanceMarkYaBitch · 07/10/2015 16:29

I always feel a bit like an alien on threads like this when I see all the people who wouldn't be even remotely impacted by their friend's rejection of a party invitation

...of a baby's birthday? If you see that as rejection, to get upset over, you have some issues to work out.

99 out of a hundred people would have no inkling that people like the OP and pp could possibly think that an invite to a toddlers birthday party was something that anyone would be expected to go to unless they were close family or had toddlers the same age.
And 999 out of a thousand would be bemused at the even odder idea that this is some kind of thing you should do or be seen as a bad friend.

It's like me asking a friend if they would like to go the dentist with me and get a filling they didn't need.