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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be hurt one of my best friends is not coming to my ds party because she's doing diy

159 replies

Oddnoddle · 07/10/2015 13:36

Been a difficult few years for various reasons
Having. Party for our sons birthday and one of my friends has said she won't be coming as she's doing diy

There's no emergency reason why this diy needs doing urgently
And tbh it's hurt my feelings

OP posts:

IndridCold · 07/10/2015 13:50

YABU I'm afraid. DIY can be a real faff, and you need a good clear length of time, without any interruptions, to get it done. If you have set aside the time to do it you aren't going to want to go to a toddlers party, which would involve getting changed, right in the middle.

trulybadlydeeply · 07/10/2015 13:50

If she doesn't have DC herself, then I would suspect that the last place to be is a party full of 2 year olds! I don't mean any disrespect to your and your DS by saying that, but I find even my own DCs parties pretty hard going, let own a party for a child that is not my own .

Also if she works FT then opportunities for DIY are going to be scarce. Why not invite her round for a bite to eat I the evening instead, so she doesn't have to worry about cooking while she is doing her DIY. You will also get more time to chat then than at a party.

BondGate · 07/10/2015 13:50

It's a bit unusual for adults to be invited to a child's birthday party unless they're related to the child.

Perhaps she thinks you're just inviting her out of politeness, or perhaps she doesn't want to come because she thinks it will be very child focused and she won't get a chance to talk to you or the other adults properly.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 07/10/2015 13:52

I have never expected any of my friends to come to ds birthday parties.

shutupanddance · 07/10/2015 13:52

There is no way I'd be going to a kid's party unless I had to ie my dc was going.

Original poster

Oddnoddle · 07/10/2015 13:53

I agree that for most people myself included, it's not your dream way to spend a weekend lunchtime
But I personally do things for others so probably why I feel hurt esp as last few years have been v difficult

OP posts:

shutupanddance · 07/10/2015 13:55

I went ti a 6 year olds party recently and hosts fruend was there without dcs, they were getting bladderwd in the kitchen.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 07/10/2015 13:55

I think you're just going to have to accept that yabu. Don't dwell on it and enjoy the party

wigglesrock · 07/10/2015 13:55

I think YABU - 2 hours in the middle of the day is awkward if you're doing DIY/decorating. She's no kids to bring, your child will be 2, I think you're being over sensitive. It doesn't really matter what you would do.

Scobberlotcher · 07/10/2015 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wowfudge · 07/10/2015 13:56

She's your friend and I take it she works? A couple of hours plus travelling to and from is a lot of time out of a day when you only have the weekends to do stuff and it's already getting dark earlier so not great for decorating, etc. I think you are being a bit precious.

TheCraicDealer · 07/10/2015 13:57

It's your son's birthday, the party is for his benefit not yours. He'll be too busy playing to note her absence and in reality you'll be too busy organising and entertaining the children/family to pay her much attention. I can see why she doesn't want to go, even if it's only two hours and there's a chance of cake.

RNBrie · 07/10/2015 13:57

OP... I also think YABU - I'm really sorry but she probably has no idea that this is important to you. We invite our childless friends to our dc's parties so they don't feel left out, largely they don't come and we don't expect them to.

Are your feelings hurt because of something else aside from this? Does she have form for letting you down?

I'd handle this by letting her know I was disappointed not to see her and asking if there is a better time when you could get together for a catch up.

PurpleDaisies · 07/10/2015 13:57

I don't really get why you re so keen to have her there? Won't you be busy managing small children and their parents? Who will she talk to?

Crosbybeach · 07/10/2015 13:59

I don't have kids - there's no way I'd go to a 2 year old's party unless I was related to them. And I'd breezily say no without a second thought that I might be offending the parents.

I might pop round with a pressie at some point and a bottle of wine if I thought my mate needed a boost.

Crosbybeach · 07/10/2015 14:00

I think what I'm trying to say is, if you want to meet up with your mate, do it, just not at a toddler's birthday party. Ugh.

Original poster

Oddnoddle · 07/10/2015 14:01

Well she text me to say she's not coming n why and I haven't replied yet

Tbh I was tempted to reply wow never been blown out for diy before.....

Or ok fine

Or not reply

But your making me think that would probably be way out of line and harsh on her

I suppose I think I'd do it for someone else, so they should do it for me
I know I can be an over sensitive mental case

OP posts:

SisterMoonshine · 07/10/2015 14:01

It's not up to you to decide how important the DIY is.
All sorts of things come into pay: finances, time, future plans, visitors, when the shops stock things, when is a good day to not have electric for an hour, when you feel up to tackling something etc etc
She doesn't have to justify it.

LadyLonely1 · 07/10/2015 14:02

I think yabu as well. You want her to come for you not your ds. It's also odd to expect her to come if she doesn't have kids of her own. And I think as she has given you a reason, it's not like she has lied.

Agadooo · 07/10/2015 14:03

Sorry, I know your feelings are hurt but I think yabu- I would never expect my friends to come to my kids parties-it's a lovely celebration for your son and kids to play about n eat cake. She won't mean it personally, she just won't see it as something you would be AT ALL bothered about whether she came or not. Don't be upset or annoyed with her and enjoy the party

Original poster

Oddnoddle · 07/10/2015 14:03

Tbh if she just came out with tbh I hate kids parties I would understand more

OP posts:

PaulAnkaTheDog · 07/10/2015 14:04

But she's not blowing you off. It's not your birthday party, it's a two year olds birthday party.

Original poster

Oddnoddle · 07/10/2015 14:05

I agree ds don't be bothered

OP posts:

AndDeepBreath · 07/10/2015 14:05

Is there about to be a bit of a drip feed here? Op why on earth has this upset you so much?

It might be worth exploring beyond the vague "I expect people to be selfless" notion you have - that's not a reason for someone to do something for you. Why is it important to you that she's there?

Are you a bit depressed / scared of the other mums and wanting backup? Is there anything party-wise people can advise you on here?

ThursdayLastWeek · 07/10/2015 14:06

I also think that you need to stop going to parties you don't want to attend OP, I mean that as kindly as is possible in writing on a forum.

Life is too short.

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