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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that having adult bridesmaids is a bit silly?

130 replies

Thumbcat · 07/10/2015 12:56

I don't understand why someone getting married would want a selection of her friends to dress up all the same and follow her around all day. Why does a bride need 'maids'? And from the bridesmaid's point of view, wouldn't it be much nicer to attend the wedding as a guest with your partner? It seems a bit silly and 'little girly' to me.

At my wedding I had a close friend who did a reading and who got ready with me, but I didn't feel any need to truss her up in a bridesmaids dress and have her walk behind me.

I understand letting little girls be bridesmaids if they're going to be at the wedding anyway.

I'm interested to hear why people do this and am perfectly prepared to be told that IABU.

OP posts:
squoosh · 07/10/2015 12:58

You're great.

Arkkorox · 07/10/2015 12:59

YABU.

momb · 07/10/2015 12:59

YABU.
People can do what they like if it doesn't hurt anyone else.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 07/10/2015 13:00

No sillier than small bridesmaids or any of the wedding shebang really

Chococroc · 07/10/2015 13:00

Different people like different things....

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 07/10/2015 13:00

I actually agree with you, but fear not many people will Grin

Hullygully · 07/10/2015 13:01

I agree. Mental. But everything about weddings is mental.

Discogeek · 07/10/2015 13:01

Weddings are personal, we each do what we feel is right for our own wedding.

I chose to have my close friends as bridesmaids. They weren't silly or girly but we had a laugh getting ready together, they were a bit of moral support for me when I got a bit overwhelmed before the ceremony & the photos we have of the day are a wonderful reminder of my bezzy mates Smile

FairNotFair · 07/10/2015 13:01

You're great

Grin
EponasWildDaughter · 07/10/2015 13:02

99% of wedding traditions are a bit silly if you cut them down to what they are.

Driving from A to B in a flash car when you could have gone in your own or had a neighbor drop you off.

Wearing an awkward dress and shoes with spiky heels.

All the men putting bits of coloured satin round their necks (ties) and putting foliage in their button holes.

Throwing bits of rice or cut up paper all over people.

etc.ect.ect.

But we do them if it pleases us and to mark the occasion in the way our society knows and loves. I'd love to be a brides maid. No one's ever asked me though! :(

bloodymaria · 07/10/2015 13:03

It wasn't for you, you chose not to do it. For many people though, it'll be part and parcel of their idea of a perfect wedding. No skin off your nose surely?

Nohopeformethen · 07/10/2015 13:03

I thought they were to help you pee?

MinecraftWonder · 07/10/2015 13:03

Different strokes.

However I do find myself doing a Hmm at brides that ask all and sundry to be their bm. I had three - my two sisters and best friend, which I think is pretty standard.

A girl in work recently had 8 bm's - one of which was another girl from work who was on friendly enough terms with her but was definitely not a close friend and was clearly a bit confused/shocked to be asked. It seems a bit silly to me.

popcornpaws · 07/10/2015 13:03

I have no idea why people do this, and i agree with what you say, IMO its all bollocks, favours, colour coordinating, bridesmaids, i just don't get why anyone feels the need to do that.

squoosh · 07/10/2015 13:04

99% of wedding traditions are a bit silly if you cut them down to what they are.

Precisely.

Epilepsyhelp · 07/10/2015 13:05

My bridesmaids loved being asked and were so helpful to me on the day, whenever I've been a bridesmaid I've loved having a nice dress and feeling part of it, who cares if that's 'immature', being a kid was bloody awesome so I feel no shame at harking back to that kind of childish excitement about dresses and events.

PurpleDaisies · 07/10/2015 13:05

Yabu. My bridesmaids were dressed in different styles that they chose themselves. They were in no way my "slaves". They did do useful things like hold my bouquet which they absolutely didn't mind at all. They most certainly didn't followe round all day and sat with their partners at the meal. It was a way for me to say they were special people to me.

If you don't want adult bridesmaids, don't have them.

catfordbetty · 07/10/2015 13:05

I agree but it's no sillier than an expensive white dress that will only be worn once. Or a coach and horses or white Rolls Royce. Or a giant fruitcake. It's all silly.

catfordbetty · 07/10/2015 13:08

I am such a slow thinker/typist that my points have already been made by five people. Ignore me.

elelfrance · 07/10/2015 13:10

it is of course completely ridiculous, but you can pretty much say that for all wedding-y traditions ... fathers 'giving away' brides, tossing the bouquet among unfortunate unmarried ladies etc etc

squoosh · 07/10/2015 13:11

People making speeches about how great you are!

DoJo · 07/10/2015 13:12

Not sure why you are singling out adult bridesmaids - are they really sillier than child bridesmaids, best men, other groomsmen or indeed about 90% of anything that happens at a wedding? Why did you need someone to get ready with? Or do a reading?

Thurlow · 07/10/2015 13:12

Well, if you stop and think about any "traditional" wedding over the past few decades and look at what happens, it's all a bit ridiculous.

Why does everyone's special day for them seem to involve wearing a white dress? In having a couple of friends wear matching dresses and matching suits and following them around? In having a sit down meal where people can only talk to the few people on their table? In having the same sort of evening entertainment as everyone else has?

I do find it quite fascinating that so many people's special day seems to look exactly like everyone else's special day. Like there's a template to follow - which isn't exactly very special to you, is it?

But having said that, if it makes someone happy to have a white dress and adult bridesmaids and all that shebang, brilliant for them. Really.

I'd never have a wedding personally, but I do love going to them.

squoosh · 07/10/2015 13:12

Is Kim Jong-un the ultimate groomzilla? Threatening people with death unless they make nice speeches about him. Every day.

tldr · 07/10/2015 13:14

Adult bridesmaids could potentially be useful (ie maidsy), small bridesmaids are useless at best and a liability at worst.

So YABU.

Also just YABU for being mean.