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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that having adult bridesmaids is a bit silly?

130 replies

Thumbcat · 07/10/2015 12:56

I don't understand why someone getting married would want a selection of her friends to dress up all the same and follow her around all day. Why does a bride need 'maids'? And from the bridesmaid's point of view, wouldn't it be much nicer to attend the wedding as a guest with your partner? It seems a bit silly and 'little girly' to me.

At my wedding I had a close friend who did a reading and who got ready with me, but I didn't feel any need to truss her up in a bridesmaids dress and have her walk behind me.

I understand letting little girls be bridesmaids if they're going to be at the wedding anyway.

I'm interested to hear why people do this and am perfectly prepared to be told that IABU.

OP posts:
MrsMook · 07/10/2015 17:32

I've been mutually bridesmaid with friends. We helped eachother get ready on the day, hair, make up etc. We also helped eachother prepare for the day with things like jewellery, decorations, decorating the cake.

We liked our dresses. I actually have worn mine since Grin

Houseofmirth66 · 07/10/2015 18:11

I agree 100%. Everything about weddings is weird. I went to a Salvation Army wedding once which had all the general peculiarness of other weddings but NO BOOZE. Which really highlighted the fact that it only seems reasonable after a lot of drinks. There's no denying that the clothes are all odd and unflattering too.

jorahmormont · 07/10/2015 18:17

Ooh there's some right cornflake shitters on MN today.

I'm having DD (toddler) and my teenage sister as my bridesmaids. They'll both look gorgeous but if I only have kid bridesmaids, who's going to hold my dress when I need to pee?

My friend has asked me and another friend to be her bridesmaids. We're both 21. I can't wait! I love the idea of wearing a fwoofy dress and arranging her hen night.

Gwenhwyfar · 07/10/2015 18:25

"from the bridesmaid's point of view, wouldn't it be much nicer to attend the wedding as a guest with your partner?"

What if you don't have a partner? I much preferred sitting at the top table to being at the 'singles table' with people half my age.

jorahmormont · 07/10/2015 18:33

When I have been BM in the past (I was BM for DP's sister when I was 18), we didn't have to sit at the top table - I got to sit next to DP at a random table. Much better than forcing BMs to sit alone at the top table.

jorahmormont · 07/10/2015 18:33

(Unless, as gwen says, they'd prefer to sit top table)

squoosh · 07/10/2015 18:35

Last time I was bridesmaid they put us all at a round table. Much more sociable than sitting at a long table in between the groom's granddad and the bride's brother.

WhatamessIgotinto · 07/10/2015 18:40

Well I didn't have any but I don't actually care what other people have at their wedding. Why would it bother anyone else? Confused

TPel · 07/10/2015 18:51

I don't have strong opinions about bridesmaids. I dislike veils though. They give me shivers - a father lifts the veil to show the groom his virgin bride. Horrible.

tywinlannister · 07/10/2015 18:52

YABU. It may have been mentioned but the traditional reason behind having bridesmaids is not just to attend to your dress etc, it is to allow the single spinsters in your family/circle to get some limelight on a day when lots of people will be around and they will be looking their best.

That is why (traditionally) a bridesmaid should be unmarried and matron of honours are married women.

tywinlannister · 07/10/2015 18:58

Obviously this is outdated now but in the olden times, weddings were a suitable and respectable occasion to meet potential suitors.

MassaAttack · 07/10/2015 19:05

I've never been a bridesmaid Sad

Qwertybynature · 07/10/2015 19:09

I had three bridesmaids. I also lost both parents a few years before I married so one of them walked with me the aisle and the other two kept me sane.

Weddings are ridiculous anyway. I've never understood why people have readings (boring and indulgent) or choose to get married in a church when they aren't in the least bit religious. But that's just my own opinion and I'd keep it to myself IRL.

Poopy22 · 07/10/2015 19:17

It's just a tradition, if you don't like it do it your way no one is stopping you. I think it's when people have sisters or very close friends and want to involve them in the ceremony as they're special to them. I don't see the point in school uniforms, coats with no sleeves (gilets) or teeny tiny dogs but millions love them Grin

LucozadeBreath · 07/10/2015 19:34

Back in the old days, a bridesmaid was exactly that: a maid to the bride. She did everything the bride required of her to make the day as stress-free as possible. Nowadays isn't it pretty much the same concept? My sister was my only adult bridesmaid. She carried the "in case of emergency kit" containing makeup, hairspray, Bobby pins, safety pins, blister plasters etc. She helped me go to the loo (impossible to do by yourself in a fishtail dress!), supplied copious amount of champagne, was there to tell me to get a grip when I freaked out over my hair....like having my own PA for a day free of charge Smile I also had two child bridesmaids for the cute-factor.
I understand that if it's a small, private, quick wedding with no fancy odds and ends, then yeah - bridesmaids would probably be a waste of money. But IMO if you're going the whole hog with a wedding, then at least one adult bridesmaid is important

Senpai · 07/10/2015 19:39

There's lots of things people do that make no logical sense.

What is the point of giving gifts on Christmas?
Why do people have children?
Why do you guys call Tea Time, Tea Time when there's not really any tea?

Life would be pretty boring if everything was around logic though. We'd be boring and dull robots. Sometimes people just do things for fun because it makes them happy, and it keeps the rest of the world interesting.

Spidertracker · 07/10/2015 19:48

I was an adult bridesmaid for my cousin. I was a 30 years old, a mother of 2 and felt ridiculous. It was only because we didn't want to upset my Nana as well.

catfordbetty · 07/10/2015 19:59

"There's lots of things people do that make no logical sense.

What is the point of giving gifts on Christmas?
Why do people have children?
Why do you guys call Tea Time, Tea Time when there's not really any tea?"

Er ... I think there might be logical explanations for all of these.

Dowser · 07/10/2015 23:26

I wanted a stress free, relaxed and completely laid back wedding and even more importantly the sun had to shine and there had to be no rain.

After pricing a very modest wedding for about 50 guests I was up to 5k and that was without wedding clothes, a coach to get people to the venue , the cake, flowers and all the other bits and bobs that make the price soar.....and it could still rain.

So we went to the travel agents booked ourselves and ten children/ partners and grandchildren for a week in a 4 star hotel in Tenerife with the slightly more than £5k and opted for a beach wedding.

Then we issued open invitations to anyone who wanted to make their way over there and another 9 came along with 4 more friends from Tenerife itself.

The actual ceremony, flowers, cake, guitarist who played the wedding procession to the beach and back to the reception venue and a fabulous three course of meal each plus all the Booze till nearly midnight came to a whopping £900 ( kidding of course!) . We had no photographer but got plenty of nice photos. Everyone was smart but in a laid back kind of way and as it was nearly 30 degrees there was no suits. I told guests they could wear shorts if they wanted too so my son did ....and the sun shone.

It was just like one lovely big party. My granddaughter aged five had a cool and pretty long cream dress on and my cousin wore a long turquoise chiffon dress so they were my kind of bridesmaids but all lovely informal.

The groom wore a white shirt with a sort of grandad style collar and white jeans and white deck shoes and a lovely blingy earring I managed to get him for his wedding present.

It was lovely really lovely and just so stress free. We even all went to the monkey zoo with the grandchildren on the morning of the wedding. I had no hair or nails done and neither did anyone else for that matter. Everyone in the photos just looks lovely, happy and natural.

My husband was a bit concerned about the general public standing on the beach walk way having a good old nose at us. I said that's not a problem they can come and join in if they wish. As we left the beach everyone was shouting congratulations, felicitaciones or whatever the Spanish equivalent was. It was just a happy joyous occasion.

I'd recommend it to anyone.

Dowser · 07/10/2015 23:30

Just had a quick peek at some of the photos. Can't believe its been only 3 weeks. Seems ages ago.

jorahmormont · 07/10/2015 23:35

Congratulations dowser sounds like an amazing wedding! Flowers

knackered69 · 07/10/2015 23:35

Have never been a bridesmaid Hmm

Happens it's because when I was a child I had an expression like a bulldog licking the piss off a nettle and refused to wear a frock...

hullabullalls · 07/10/2015 23:47

That sounds wonderful Dowser!
Especially the no nails hair makeup mularkey yet everyone looks great because they are all so happy and relaxed.
:)

Mmmmcake123 · 07/10/2015 23:52

At school my friends all said if we ever got married we would be bridesmaids for each other. Don't know why op thinks little bridesmaids are better, I was one for a cousin I hardly knew alongside another cousin of a similar age and found myself feeling very shy at the fittings (which were in some town a distance away without my mum). At school we believed we might be trendsetting bridesmaids who would all wear an outfit that suited the individual. Fast forward to me getting married. Wanted them all but dress situation became a nightmare, most of them couldn't be bothered so 1 out of 5 wanting to be different (fair enough), the others just wanting me to sort it out. She assumed I would pay for individual dress and had designers in mind. Explained it would be easier if she just fell in with everyone else so she refused to be bm. One of the others then rapidly lost weight following the last fitting (14 to a 10) and in the hubbub of the morning stole my sister's dress who ended up having to wear the 14 when she was 8 to 10. Bridesmaids, nobody wants to be one IMO kids/adults alike. It's your special day - don't inflict it on anyone is my advice

Mmmmcake123 · 07/10/2015 23:55

My fave bm said very loudly in front of the beautician, 'I look like a f prostitute'. Hmm. She was my fave!