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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that having adult bridesmaids is a bit silly?

130 replies

Thumbcat · 07/10/2015 12:56

I don't understand why someone getting married would want a selection of her friends to dress up all the same and follow her around all day. Why does a bride need 'maids'? And from the bridesmaid's point of view, wouldn't it be much nicer to attend the wedding as a guest with your partner? It seems a bit silly and 'little girly' to me.

At my wedding I had a close friend who did a reading and who got ready with me, but I didn't feel any need to truss her up in a bridesmaids dress and have her walk behind me.

I understand letting little girls be bridesmaids if they're going to be at the wedding anyway.

I'm interested to hear why people do this and am perfectly prepared to be told that IABU.

OP posts:
helenahandbag · 07/10/2015 13:14

I'm not into weddings (which is why DP and I are going to New York to get married alone in April) but I think it's about having people you love standing up with you while you make a commitment to someone. If I were getting married at home I would have only my brother as my "best man" because he is who I would want to stand with me.

RiceBurner · 07/10/2015 13:15

YANBU. I don't get it either!

FYI, we had a civil wedding, with 2 witnesses, and with close family members only. (I didn't want/have any bridesmaids. Or flowers. Or a hen do.)

I have never been asked to be a bridesmaid either... which was a big relief to me. (Too old now I hope!) Cos if I had been asked, I think I would have had to say "no thank you".

Only had one close shave, (many yrs ago now), when a good friend asked only 2 out of a group of 6 of us to be her bridesmaids .... as she couldn't afford more than 2 dresses and the 2 dresses she had bought, (in a sale), were small sizes! She apologised to us, (the 'rejects'), for not being picked. (Little did she know how glad I was to not have to refuse or to tae part feeling very uncomfortable!) I got the feeling that the other rejects felt the same way as he, but we didn't discuss it. (And that the 2 who were picked were not that thrilled, but were too polite to say anything.)

Agree that for kids it's a good way to let them join in, (if they want to), but otherwise there's no good reason to get several adult women to dress up and look silly next to the bride! However, if people really want to, fair enough? (They can do what they like!)

Original poster
Thumbcat · 07/10/2015 13:15

Wow that was fast. I agree people can do what they want on their wedding day. I'm just trying to understand the reasoning behind it.

I like the helping you to pee suggestion Grin

It's a good point that the whole wedding shebang is silly and I did buy into a lot of it. I had chair covers FFS.

and yes I am great

OP posts:
thunderbird69 · 07/10/2015 13:16

Are bridesmaids traditionally meant to be unmarried?

scatterthenuns · 07/10/2015 13:16

YABU. I hate other people's kids. I like my sister and my pals.

scatterthenuns · 07/10/2015 13:17

My mum had all children bridesmaids, as she's a short arse and didn't want her bm to be taller than her in the photos.

That's the only way I think yanbu.

squoosh · 07/10/2015 13:17

otherwise there's no good reason to get several adult women to dress up and look silly next to the bride

I think fun is the reason.

helenahandbag · 07/10/2015 13:19

YABU. I hate other people's kids. I like my sister and my pals.

Grin
MissFitt68 · 07/10/2015 13:19

Sorry but why on earth did you need a friend there to 'get ready with you'??

And didn't you have a vicar/registrar to do the readings? Why on earth was your poor friend expected to get up there to do some?

PerspicaciaTick · 07/10/2015 13:20

I had an adult bridesmaid, she dressed in a lovely dress and we had our hair done together and drank too much fizz getting ready. It was a lovely day, filled with great memories and I am very glad I shared them all with my sister.
DH's brother was his best man, my sister was my bridesmaid. I am really bemused as to why you would have a problem with that.

Janeymoo50 · 07/10/2015 13:22

I'm 51, have always, always wanted to be a bridesmaid - it's been a lifelong dream - all to no avail. BUT, I get to be a bride next May Yaaaay, can't wait. I'm having two bridesmaids (my lovely nieces both in their 20's, one is married). Also having a flower girl, my great niece aged 5, wearing fairy wings with her pink dress too. I want them to be a part of my special day, so that's why really. Am I being self indulgent and a bit cheesy, too bleedin right I am.

But, a lot of this is traditional wedding behaviour in our western/modern culture I suppose, each to their own I say.

Original poster
Thumbcat · 07/10/2015 13:23

We had readings to pad out the ceremony as a civil wedding is a bit brief. And I got ready with my friend so we could have some champagne and a laugh together - I didn't 'need' her as such.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 07/10/2015 13:24

I agree a bit ....especially when there's loads of em I'm a little entourage.

But chairs covers Shock

squoosh · 07/10/2015 13:24

Enjoy it Janey, sounds fab!

Original poster
Thumbcat · 07/10/2015 13:25

Congratulations Janeymoo Grin

OK, I get it. IABU. I'm really not a misery guts - I bloody love a wedding.

OP posts:
AGrinWithoutACat · 07/10/2015 13:25

I like small people bridesmaids/pageboy and had 3 (DD, DS & Dneice) plus my adult sister as crowd control maid of honour Grin

DSIS had 6! a mix of close friends, her DD, me and then my DD, DS and a friends DS - it worked for her and her DH

DSIS-in-law 2 be has asked me her other sis-in-law to be, our various kids as well as her closest friends, I have said yes (although am now feeling a little too old for bridesmaiding) but I know this is her way of celebrating the merging of the 2 families

Think it is one of these horses for courses type of things and you do whatever the B&G want as it is their celebration

Stanky · 07/10/2015 13:25

I was a very useful bm. Holding the bouquet, signing the certificate, helping the bride pee. The kids aren't nearly so useful, but they are good at looking cute.

OllyBJolly · 07/10/2015 13:26

People making speeches about how great you are!

That's a good bit of it! didn't happen at mine

Have a lovely day Janeymoo

squoosh · 07/10/2015 13:26

I've just remembered one bridesmaidly service I performed! I kept my friend's mum distracted while my friend was out having a covert fag.

Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 07/10/2015 13:27

As others have said most things about weddings are silly. People tend to do a lot of it because its what other family members want/ expect, or they think it will make somebody (the bridesmaid, their mum/ gran?) happy, or they enjoy the pageantry/ theatre... if all involved are willing and enjoy it and can afford it its nobody's business - but most of weddings are silly and most people's decisions actually have quite complex logic or emotions behind them.

Personally I didn't want any bridesmaids but my mother blackmailed me into having her choice, claiming the young adult women in question were expecting to be asked and would have been hurt and upset and taken it personally otherwise - this turned out to be entirely projection on her part... but it did no harm besides being another part of the day that was what she wanted not what DH and I wanted, but never mind

BackforGood · 07/10/2015 13:30

Glad you agree YABU.
I agree with Epona and several others who say most things you do as 'traditional' (wedding or otherwise) aren't very logical in the 21st century, but they've been kept going because they are enjoyable or funor just a nice thing to do.

scatterthenuns · 07/10/2015 13:30

I like small people bridesmaids/pageboy and had 3 (DD, DS & Dneice)

I read this and wondered who the fuck Denice was.

Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 07/10/2015 13:30

Congratulations Janeymoo50

Pico2 · 07/10/2015 13:31

It's not to my taste, so we didn't have adult bridesmaids. There were other parts of typical weddings that we didn't like, so didn't do. I have no idea what our chairs looked like. None of it matters either way. What matters is that we got married.

Anastasie · 07/10/2015 13:35

I agree with Hully. Weddings in general are mental. If I ever get married it'll be at a registry office with NO guests, no faff and no bollocks.

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