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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dislike the term "full time mum"

310 replies

LunchpackOfNotreDame · 04/10/2015 20:49

Last time I checked all mums were full time mums, you don't clock off when you go to work.

What's wrong with housewife or stay at home mum or unemployed? When did being a parent become an employment status?

OP posts:
BoldFox · 05/10/2015 11:09

I don't know if asking people what they do is polite. I don't think I was ever told this Confused but when I meet people for the first time, I hold back on asking this for as long as possible, in an ingrained feeling that to ask is a bit rude. But I'm Irish and we are perhaps less obliging when it comes to offering up ways for others to define us. You want clues? Figure it out.

An American considers ''what do you do?'' the next question after hello, how are you. But to my ear it has a whiff of how much do you earn about it. So, avoid, avoid, until you know lots of other things about the person and when the other person makes it the next obvious conversation.

WorraLiberty · 05/10/2015 11:13

Anyone who describes a SAHP as unemployed should describe themselves as a full time obnoxious twat.

This ^^ in spades.

As a PP said, I suppose they'd also call children, carers and retired people 'unemployed' too?

Twats!

SheGotAllDaMoves · 05/10/2015 11:19

bold I really don't think it's worth getting worried about Grin.

Showing an interest in someone's life is rarely rude.

CerseiHeartsJaime4ever · 05/10/2015 11:41

Showing an interest in someone's life is rarely rude.

Oh I don't know.

My SIL's opening gambit is always rude. Example : "How long have you been smoking? Have you not been able to give up?"

So if faced with a Full Time Mum-mer, she might ask something like "Oh, are you not planning to get a job then?" or "Yes I do that too dear, as well as work full time."

TFPsa · 05/10/2015 11:45

for some reason I find 'full time mummy' vastly more offensive than 'full time mum'.

SheGotAllDaMoves · 05/10/2015 11:48

cersei pehaps I should say that showing a genuine interest in someone's life is rarely rude.

Those people who will use any conversation to position themselves above the other (as opposed to an exchange of information) don't count Grin.

BettinaMc · 05/10/2015 11:55

Belleandboo- EXACTLY !!

gandalf456 · 05/10/2015 12:00

I haven't heard 'housewife' for years yet it was common in the 70s and 80s when I was growing up. My mum hated it, too.

Grazia1984 · 05/10/2015 12:00

I love the idea though of referring to "working fathers". Mr X is a working father and works for BT as product manager. If we could start saying that more we could get a lot more equality.

CookieMonsterIsOnADiet · 05/10/2015 12:04

"When at home with children who are of nursery age, you are effectively earning the cost of childcare. By not paying out £x000 a month, you are increasing the money in the family pot by that much. If you are doing a job that you would otherwise have to pay someone to do you are not fucking unemployed and nor are you not contributing to the family finances."

Lots of families have free childcare or work round each other. I clean and cook, working or not I'd have to do that.

I can't imagine saying to DH I'm going to opt out of any financial responsibility as by not working I'm saving you the cost of a nanny, cook and cleaner Hmm. By that logic, if neither of us didn't work we would be wealthy, mmm I think not.

A person not earning is not contributing to family finances no matter how you dress it up unless they have a private income they share.

EponasWildDaughter · 05/10/2015 12:06

Thinking about it i can honestly say that i have never asked anyone what they 'do' by way of conversation making. I've never felt particularly defined by any of my jobs and therefore i suppose i don't feel i need to know what job of work a person does, if any, to get to know them. It's a funny thing isn't it?

I know some people do ask. People have asked me. I'm always caught a bit off guard by it, weather i'm 'working' or not.

SoupDragon · 05/10/2015 12:06

A person not earning is not contributing to family finances no matter how you dress it up

Total bollocks.

SoupDragon · 05/10/2015 12:09

The amount I could have earned would have been pretty much the same as the cost of childcare.

Please explain how, say, earning £1,000 and out paying £1,000 in childcare is any different to doing the childcare myself and not paying out £1,000?

EponasWildDaughter · 05/10/2015 12:10

A person not earning is not contributing to family finances no matter how you dress it up

But they are if the cost of childcare would be more than they could earn.

What about carers of an elderly parent? Or carers of anyone who needs care? Are they all 'opting out of financial responsibility'? Confused

Mintyy · 05/10/2015 12:12

CookieMonster is being deliberately obtuse no matter how you dress it up.

Being responsible for the welfare of the children in your care is not "cooking and cleaning", no matter how you dress that up either.

SoupDragon · 05/10/2015 12:12

Its interesting how some parents in paid employment are bleating about how "full time mother" is offensive to them and yet are perfectly happy to be offensive about SAHPs.

SoupDragon · 05/10/2015 12:13

The phrase "goady fucker" springs to mind.

CerseiHeartsJaime4ever · 05/10/2015 12:13

I don't believe that cookiemonster, dependant on your wage vs childcare costs, by staying at home you might be saving. By not working, I was saving my family money, as my wage including commute was less than childcare costs. I was not a low earner, but my commute took away any financial gain from working.

Once I got the free nursery hours, I found a job that suited those hours.

RainbowFlutterby · 05/10/2015 12:19

CookieMonsterIsAPartTimeMother Grin

Prettyeyedpiratesmile · 05/10/2015 12:25

Is SAHM not the best term to use? Unemployed is a bit derogatory and full time mum suggests that those who work absolve themselves of any responsibility they moment they step out the door to go to work.

Binkybix · 05/10/2015 12:26

I really think people get too caught up on this kind of stuff, but I have to point out that when one is at work all day and young children are in childcare, there is a lot less cleaning and probably less cooking to do as well. One of the reasons I agree that people saying 'I do everything a stay at home parent does, plus a full time job' is untrue and goady.

Cookiemonster is either being obtuse or is struggling with basic logic if she thinks that no stay at home parent/full time parent is contributing financially to the family.

roundaboutthetown · 05/10/2015 12:27

A person not contributing to the family finances might nevertheless be improving the quality of life of the entire family, including their own, by not being in paid employment. It really depends how much you actually need the money as a family and what you do with your unpaid time. Saying you are a full time mum says very little about what you actually do. Job titles very seldom tell you much about the reality of a job, either. Only narrow minded people draw conclusions from the use of one or two words and their conclusions are invariably based on their own hang ups and prejudices, not those of the person who used them.

northernsoul78 · 05/10/2015 12:31

I like home family responsibility on forms. At home with the children for now is fine. Deeply offended by the fact that I am unemployed and not contributing to household. If I worked I would be costing the family money. Unemployed I am not.

NewLife4Me · 05/10/2015 12:36

My dh is really pleased that I decided not continue earning money outside the home. It was a joint decision that ha pleased us both and enabled us to own two houses.
both of us working would have cost us so much money, we have saved thousands. If you add up how much it costs to work, some people would be surprised.
Anybody who thinks a none working spouse doesn't contribute financially is kidding themselves.

northernsoul78 · 05/10/2015 12:38

O yes the I do everything a sahm does and work. Err n you don't. Judt as bsd as full time mum.