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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Excluded

129 replies

3littlerabbits · 03/10/2015 18:48

Probably am unreasonable but basically we have a group of friends, children all at school together, playdates and all the rest. Found out the rest of the are having a party tomorrow evening at one families house with all the children. No invite for us. Feeling quite rubbish about this. Got a real heart sinking feeling about this now. Tell me to get a grip?

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 03/10/2015 19:49

No I won't tell you to get a grip. It's bloody horrible when you're excluded from some thing. You're allowed to be upset.
I was often excluded from events days out nights out ect, not all the time, I have to admit but more often than not. It was always. We couldn't get hold of you. Funny they could get hold of me when they wanted something thoughHmm.
Oh you it took a while to wake up and smell the coffee, which I'm highly embarrassed about, but they're now ex friends.
Any way I bump into one of their aunties and she said, You should phone our insert name here, she just she misses you. They all do. My reply was. Well they should have treated me properly, then.

RandomMess · 03/10/2015 19:49

Yep it's shit and it hurts Flowers

MissMarpleCat · 03/10/2015 19:57

Very nasty of the dad to rub your nose in it, still don't dwell on it. Ime lots of these cliques with younger dc's are transient and when they're older they will likely have different friends Smile

3littlebadgers · 03/10/2015 20:02

Flowers it is rotten when that happens and worst still it goes round and round in your mind. I hope you have a lovely day at the zoo tomorrow and make some wonderful family memories. P.s I thought you were me when I first read your post Grin

Nonnainglese · 03/10/2015 20:08

Are you certain that the dad was being deliberately gloaty, it does seem odd if you're all friends.

Perhaps not as 'good friends ' as you think?

KatieLatie · 03/10/2015 20:08

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Waltermittythesequel · 03/10/2015 20:11

Really weird that you weren't asked and then the dad went and said it right in front of you...

Aeroflotgirl · 03/10/2015 20:12

and your the 4th family then, not nice, yes that would really be gutting, you are human and entitled to feel like that, I know I would. I certainly would distance myself, and think that you are obviously not as close as you thought.Try not to dwell on it, and have a fantastic time tomorrow. Not entirely cut them out, as your dc like one another, just stop making the effort, stick to the odd playdate.

Original poster
3littlerabbits · 03/10/2015 20:16

The dad wasn't being gloaty - he was just hurrying his kids out, I don't think he realised the impact on me. He's nice, they're all nice tbh. katielatie I'm half tempted to do that but I think I'll just leave it.

OP posts:
IguanaTail · 03/10/2015 20:17

I think it's really hurtful and I would be upset. YANBU. Flowers

Aeroflotgirl · 03/10/2015 20:18

They probably are nice, but the host does not sound too nice doing that, it would certainly lower my opinion of them.

diddl · 03/10/2015 20:18

So the dad that collected is the party host?

BYOSnowman · 03/10/2015 20:19

Do you tend to look after their kids for the day more than they look after yours?

diddl · 03/10/2015 20:20

And you werelooking after the kids rather than it beibg a "playdate"?

LadyLonely1 · 03/10/2015 20:24

Do they have something in common such as the parents all do a particular hobby and the party is because of that?
Is it always the 4 families together?

KatieLatie · 03/10/2015 20:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
3littlerabbits · 03/10/2015 20:29

No, not the party house. Yes, it was a play date, and all the kids had a ball. I work ft so these don't happen often. I enjoyed it too but am a bit deflated now. I'm sitting here thinking of all the things that might be wrong with me or I might have done wrong which is frankly ridiculous! Thanks again for everybody's support and offers of days out tomorrow (dc would love the ponys!!). Life's too short to wallow on this. I'll readjust and move on, I'm sure they have their reasons. I won't forget this though Wine

OP posts:
Original poster
3littlerabbits · 03/10/2015 20:32

Katie youre right, I'm worried it would be awkward though iyswim?

OP posts:
Smooshface · 03/10/2015 20:35

Could text the host saying 'hey, do you fancy doing something tomorrow?' and seeing what happens? Does suck though, been there!

KatieLatie · 03/10/2015 20:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/10/2015 20:35

Don't totally cut them off, just keep a cool distance. I am sure there is nothing wrong with You, sound really nice. I think this can happen in groups, there is nearly always a less popular member or one that is left out.

Waltermittythesequel · 03/10/2015 20:36

But at least you'll know either way!

I couldn't stand not knowing, tbh.

diddl · 03/10/2015 20:41

So it was a playdate & you weren't being used as childcare.

The parent who collected isn't hosting & maybe doesn't know that you're not invited.

So at least no malice there.

So you don't know who is having this or why?

And definitely a pary for adults & kids & not as a pp says someone else looking after/playdate with the kids you had over today?

yorkshapudding · 03/10/2015 20:49

OP, I haven't read the full thread but just wanted to say YANBU to be upset about this. If it was me I'd probably have a little cry and then be cross with myself for letting them get to me. It seems odd to me that the other kids Dad mentioned it in front of you though as, surely, if you had been deliberately excluded they would want to keep it quiet. So either it's a misunderstanding or he's an insensitive twat.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 03/10/2015 20:50

Do you know what the 'fun thing' is?

Could it just be that his kids had a play with yours today (presumably you didn't consider it imperative to invite the other 2 families children also) and tomorrow the other kids wanted to meet up?

Do you know that all the adults are going along as well?