To think that going out with the "girls" isn't the B all and end all and that maybe these people need to grow up and stop dumping their kids on people so that they can go out and get drunk!

[Suzi78]

Just that really. I have shall we say aquaintences on Facebook who I've known from various places, work, college, school etc and their posts are full of nights out, holidays, lunches etc and this is all they seem to care about. There are four women in particular, three of whom are single parents (if you can call it that) and the other is married. There Facebook feeds are all about how they can't wait to dump the kids on their fathers at the weekend as they can't wait to go clubbing, to parties, concerts etc etc, but are dreading their hangovers the next day!

Now I know that everyone is entitled to a bit of me time and shouldn't be begrudged a night out but with these women it's every single week! Three of them don't even work so I don't know how they afford to go out every week as well as buying a new outfit, getting their hair done weekly, manicures etc.
As far a I'm concerned (before anyone suggests it, and I know that they will) I'm not jealous, I'm relitively happy with my life and could chose to go out every weekend if I wanted to as I have enough friends who socialise in different circles and I'm always invited to go out, but I work all week, my children go to after school club so weekends are for family time. Now I know that people do things differently and whilst that's all good I don't know how these women can just dump their kids every week not spend any time with them and spend their money on goog out when their kids need things first. I know I'll probably get flamed for saying this but I dot care, I think it's disgrace, a parent is supposed to put her kids before everything (within reason) and clearly these women don't give a damn and would rather spend their time getting drunk on nights out than with their child and spend money on flashy clothes and haircuts rather than on their children, AIBU to think this is kind of sad?

OMG
OP has sunk to new lows since I've been gone.
I am actually laughing now. Has really cheered me up.

Op.
A sin to drink? Is it therefore a sin to divorce? I am a single mum (not through choice). I work full time, pay a large mortgage and keep house. My ex rarely has my ds overnight. Last night was the first night since May that he had him overnight and guess what? I went out with friends (married and single) and there are photos on FB (not taken by me). And yes I had a few drinks.
If I adhere to your mandate on life I and a terrible mum and a sinner.
For what it's worth I also have nights in with friends and the kids Play whilst we have wine. So
I am only a part time sinner?
I bet you dislike same sex marriages and still refer to 'bastards'. I also bet you go to church just for show so people can see how amazing you are and only people on here get to see the sanctimonious hypocrite you are.
Oh and Frankie who are 'they'?

I work

That bit right there.

Ooh I would tell you about 2 of my single parent friends who have both had weeks away recently with their friends. Abroad. With drinking.
But the OP would combust so I won't.

KimKK

I think it's far more harmful for a child to grow up with a judgmental nasty mother than it is one who has an active social life.

So so true. In fact I was just about to say to the op - hello? Mum is that you?
I am now having therapy to get her judgmental, negative voice out of my head. Unfortunately I'm now 43, it took me years to realise that her way of looking at the world wasn't healthy. I have also realised that I was not the nicest person myself when younger, as having her as a role model made me very gossipy and bitchy.

So if you don't work you aren't allowed out alone?

What if you're a sahm, married. Your husband ups and leaves. You live alone. You claim benefits as you gave up your career to raise your family in a stable environment. Your ex gives you maintenance on top, your children stay there two nights a week. Your bills are paid.

Do you sit at home with a big x on the door saying single parent benefit claiming scum?? No??

Every married person is one affair or step away from a single parent.

yeah right, keep telling yourself that, no amount of pissing it up with friends, going out every weekend, sleeping with randomers will ever compare to a stable family life, good luck to you all.

Now stop being silly. You posted on AIBU and you have been told that you WERE being unreasonable. Don't ever judge another family's circumstances measured by your yard stick. You simply don't have the proper ability to measure - and none of us should judge another family/parent unless it falls in 'reporting to SS/NSPCC category'.

As well as being child-care for my DN, I helped my DH to bring up my DSD from age 7yrs. Full time from 14yrs until she was a strong, independent woman at aged 23yrs - with her own home which her Dad and I paid the 20% mortgage down-payment on.

We had great neighbours and we would do 'sleep-overs' for each other with the girls - either 3 or 7 girls at a time. Did I care what the parents were up to? No! I was more focussed on making sure that the children were safe, happy and well.

See my point is how comes they can afford regular nights out and lunches, new hairdos, clothes and all the rest if they aint working? No ones been able to explain that so I'll assume they're on benefits yes? I thought life on benefits was tough but not so. You get to have the sort of lifestyle that people who do get off their asses and work can't afford to have.

Someone mentioned child maintenance. Well isn't that supposed to be to support the child/children not support the other parents choice of lifestyle.

Yes Mrs we know you're obsessed with how these people are paying for their booze but that wasn't the OP's question and no one seems to be rising to any of your benefits-bashing posts.

But Mrs, what if the child maintenance does go towards the children. And the bills. And everything is paid for. Benefits aren't the life of Riley. But none of us know what goes on behind closed doors. What provident loans they've got. What budgeting on food they do. What make do and mend they do. Maybe they're not new outfits, maybe they're swapping between friends. Maybe they're £5 sale dresses from primark. Maybe their mates are doing their nails. Maybe their mum pays for it weekly as a treat. Who the hell are we to know or care?

Or is this secretly a benefit bashing thread again, veiled as a drinking social judgement thread?

I have some amazing clothing and footwear and jewellery I would never afford. I go away for long weekends and weeks at a time. I'm always doing something new.

But I have a DP who is happy to pay for a lot of this stuff. We live separately, he earns more than me, he chooses to spend his money some times on me.

But of course I'm playing the system. Which is why some judgemental cow has had me investigated at least three times by tax credits and benefits.

I wasn't even that pissed last night, just had a few beers...fantastic fucking night though

Being single is awesome !

Three of them don't even work so I don't know how they afford to go out every week as well as buying a new outfit, getting their hair done weekly, manicures etc.

Oh look!! She's as puzzled as I am

MrsItsNoworNotatAll - you are quite right, none of us know the financial circumstances (and nor should we). If a woman in a marriage said that she had no money to spend on herself (haircut, clothes, coffee with a friend) but her DH can spend what he likes, we would say that was financially abusive. So a single parent shouldn't set aside £10 or so a week for herself if it fits within the family budget?

The OP has clearly made many sacrifices for her own family unit in order to maintain her Christian values. I applaud her for enabling her DD to make her Holy Communion in Yr 4. That is so hard to do when you work outside of the Catholic school system.

Now is the time for the OP to delete FB and stop judging other parents who have opposing parenting styles and socialise in a different way.

I've rarely seen a more unpleasant series of posts than the OP's.

How unhappy and unfulfilled she must be to rant like that. Poor woman.

And she still hasn't explained why she's Facebook friends with people she feels so bitter about.

Well ok, my friend again has only just gone back to work, for the first 2 years 11 months she was a sahm as she has been since her first child was born.
She comes from a well off family, her ex is a high earner as is her boyfriend, she got a considerable settlement from her husband when they divorced, which he was pleased to give her because her happiness and financial security impacts on his children. Her boyfriend also as high earner pays a good deal towards the house etc. She has savings from her inheritance when her dad died because at the time she was married and no need to add that money in to the family pot so to speak cos they were well enough off too manage.

Yep never touched a benifit in her life wouldn't even be entitled too, Yep she spends a lot in clothes she also shops at charity shops and customises what she buys. The she keeps hand me downs from both herself to her oldest daughter and from her oldest to her youngest DDs. She keeps a track of what she spends on food and if it's in the cupboard she doesn't just buy it because it's on the shopping list. It means she can have her hair and nails done afford going out with our friends, going on holiday for a few days which she shops around for on the Internet.

None of this comes from her children's matinence or benfits don't assume anything!

Just come onto mumsnet. Jesus it's a bit bitchy isn't it??? Not what I thought it would be like!!

Don't judge us all by this thread alice. This op is particularly intolerant and blinkered in her views. Take heart in the fact that basically no one agrees with her.

Alice you've come on to AIBU. It's drama central here. Chat is a bit less argumenty and there are lots of nice posters. Don't judge all of MN on AIBU!

So basically, the OP hates single parents.

How fucking original.

OP

I RE-registered this evening because I really needed to say my piece.

I have read the whole thread. And spent the last hour in tears because of the vile things you have said. You represent, sadly much of what is wrong with society. Your words are full of spite and hatred for people like me. And I don't know why. I impact on you in no way. But people like you have made me feel I am a second class citizen because of a situation imposed on me, against my wishes. Do you feel good about that? Luckily I'm a strong enough person to see the fault for that lies with them and not me.

When I was naive, many years ago, I believed nothing could ever go wrong with my marriage and my life. I believed I had the ideal. A bit like you do now in fact. And that all changed. It might for you too. You might in say, 18 months' time be in a situation where your husband has walked out because despite you thinking you had the perfect home life, your husband didn't agree and the thought of spending the rest of his life with you made him feel nauseous and desperate to escape.

Do you know what OP, since I have been a single parent, I've worked full time, paid my mortgage, been self-sufficient, a good mother, friend, daughter, employee. Just like you.

So really OP, you and me, we're not so different. You can't justify going out and enjoying yourself, child-free, relaxed. I can. I can even justify the hangover. Because here's the thing. Children grow up. You raise them to be independent, free thinking adults. And then they leave you and you have the leftovers of that family life you once had. Now, I have made sure that I keep a good social life so that in the not too distant future, my leftovers are prosecco, vodka, raucous laughter, a squirt or three of perfume down my cleavage and a chicken shish at 3.00am. What I'm getting from you is very different. More dried up conversation and congealed lasagne. There's the difference.

I truly wish you well OP. I hope you are proud of yourself, a grown adult consumed with spite.

MrsIt's is this you?

FGS don't him/her upset you aubergine you sound far too accomplished and capable to worry about such drivel.

Grilled I say again what I said to alice, this op is not representative of the vast vast majority of us. File her under "not worth listening to" and be really proud that you've done so well in the face of done really difficult circumstances. I would offer you but instead have and drink it with pride.