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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that going out with the "girls" isn't the B all and end all and that maybe these people need to grow up and stop dumping their kids on people so that they can go out and get drunk!

438 replies

Suzi78 · 03/10/2015 15:28

Just that really. I have shall we say aquaintences on Facebook who I've known from various places, work, college, school etc and their posts are full of nights out, holidays, lunches etc and this is all they seem to care about. There are four women in particular, three of whom are single parents (if you can call it that) and the other is married. There Facebook feeds are all about how they can't wait to dump the kids on their fathers at the weekend as they can't wait to go clubbing, to parties, concerts etc etc, but are dreading their hangovers the next day!

Now I know that everyone is entitled to a bit of me time and shouldn't be begrudged a night out but with these women it's every single week! Three of them don't even work so I don't know how they afford to go out every week as well as buying a new outfit, getting their hair done weekly, manicures etc.
As far a I'm concerned (before anyone suggests it, and I know that they will) I'm not jealous, I'm relitively happy with my life and could chose to go out every weekend if I wanted to as I have enough friends who socialise in different circles and I'm always invited to go out, but I work all week, my children go to after school club so weekends are for family time. Now I know that people do things differently and whilst that's all good I don't know how these women can just dump their kids every week not spend any time with them and spend their money on goog out when their kids need things first. I know I'll probably get flamed for saying this but I dot care, I think it's disgrace, a parent is supposed to put her kids before everything (within reason) and clearly these women don't give a damn and would rather spend their time getting drunk on nights out than with their child and spend money on flashy clothes and haircuts rather than on their children, AIBU to think this is kind of sad?

OP posts:
FarFromAnyRoad · 03/10/2015 18:54

I've just wasted some precious drinking time reading this guff. I imagine the OP is one of those women who wear 6 pairs of tight knickers at all times and have a cosmetically enhanced smile stitched onto their taut faces.
OP you sound utterly ghastly. Really truly ghastly.
I do hope that is of help to you.

Waltermittythesequel · 03/10/2015 18:59

I'm always amazed by these people who show up every now and then.

They must be the driest most boring shites that ever took up oxygen.

Her poor family.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 03/10/2015 18:59

no amount of pissing it up with friends, going out every weekend, sleeping with randomers will ever compare to a stable family life, good luck to you all

My friend isn't sleeping with ransomers she's got a long term partner who she was with just before her marriage broke down. Stable family life let me describe to you her life three years ago when she was "happily married"
She had three children under 12, a husband who worked away in Asia some times 6 months at a time, her then 6 year old wouldn't go to bed many nights or she'd cry herself to sleep because she hadn't got to say goodnight to daddy, (time difference) unable to work because of school drop offs/puck ups, (I actually did many of them) when her husband was home he's a devoted dad and all he wanted was to spend time with the children, they'd row over the smallest things from what the 6 year old wore to dance lessons to wether the 11 year old should play rugby or football, some nights the 11 year old and the 6 year old would sit in the top of the stairs listening to their parents scream at each other. A very unhappy marriage, but every weekend the neighbours and the kuds friends would go round we'd buy a takeaway have a wine with it, do exactly what your doing tonight.

3 years on,

I'm lying on the sofa talking to the kids step mum on snap chat while my friend (the single mum) listens to me tell her what her girls have been doing tonight and planning going out with our other friends when the ex gets back from Asia, because he'll have them Friday to Friday, so plenty of time to have at one night out, and her boyfriend will be home that weekend so she's thinking about going to Portugal for a few days.
Her kids well they were just their dads best man and bridesmaids at his wedding, they had a brilliant 2weeks with them, I don't think the 9 year old has stopped telling me or my friend something new about what they did. They simply adore their Step mum, my friend has a new partner two who the kids love.

So it's gone from pretty much a screaming household where your were tiptoung on eggshells constantly, and the kids were constantly aware that anything could set their parents off.
To having a mum and dad who put them first have time to play/do homework really pay attention to them, two other adults who although not their parents are look out for them and treat them with love.

So what if their mum goes out and gets drunk one night while their at their dads?!

Their life now is better than their life 3 years ago when they had a stable family life!

Supermanspants · 03/10/2015 19:00

But you're response is what I was expecting so thank you for not disappointing me

You are very welcome Smile

SurlyCue · 03/10/2015 19:01

But you're response is what I was expecting so thank you for not disappointing me.

So you posted to goad? Nice. Hmm what about my response? You seem to be ignoring it

fastdaytears · 03/10/2015 19:01

Naught your friend is obviously deluding herself about being happy. All she truly wants is the OP's life.

MerryInthechelseahotel · 03/10/2015 19:02

You think you are perfect op. That's where you are going wrong.

You know what thought did, don't you?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/10/2015 19:04

.yeah right, keep telling yourself that, no amount of pissing it up with friends, going out every weekend, sleeping with randomers will ever compare to a stable family life, good luck to you all.

There it is!, nasty, goady fucker.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 03/10/2015 19:05

So you posted to goad? Nice. hmm what about my response? You seem to be ignoring it

Didn't know was actually under any obligation to answer at all Hmm

But anyway as you seem to want me too. £50 would buy me a better night out than £30 I reckon. Will that do you?

Bellebella · 03/10/2015 19:06

A single parent family can give a stable family life op and what's wrong for enjoying being single? With your children with their dad for the weekend why not enjoy yourself a bit. The kids are none the wiser, they are with dad.

RaspberryOverload · 03/10/2015 19:07

The only reason the OP is bothered by the choices of these women is that deep down she's jealous.

She's stuck in a little bubble unable to comprehend that other people can make choices different to hers, or that people living a different life to hers can actually be happy.

I also find it interesting that I haven't seen anything to suggest her DH has his friends round at home while OP goes to the pub for some child-free time.

I had a regular night out from the time when our eldest was about 4 months old. Okay it was a weekly darts match, but I was still in a pub, having the odd drink. And DP was at home and perfectly capable of looking after his child.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 03/10/2015 19:10

fastdays clearly despite the fact that every single one of our friends says that we've never seen her or her ex husband looking happier or healthier. Some of us have known them a hell of a long time. Infact I can't reneger a time I didn't know her ex husband!
I've just described OPs life well the sitting around having a gossip with friends while kids play, to which she laughed and went that sounds like my life with ex wouldn't go back to it. And they were married 17 years.

Sallystyle · 03/10/2015 19:11

Grow up.

You don't dump your children on their father. The father parents them. My kids used to go to their dad's every weekend and guess what? I really enjoyed that time. I did swap plans when I wanted to do something special with them but most of the time I really enjoyed those weekends.

I don't like going out drinking. But there is nothing wrong with the other parent or willing relatives parenting/ looking after them while the other parent goes out.

Ahhh I miss those free weekends. Three went to their dads weekly and my other younger two went every other weekend on a Sat- Sun to their nans. Lovely lie ins with my husband and dinner out. Bliss.

Chardonnay73 · 03/10/2015 19:14

OP, What you said to ghosty was the most smug, sanctimonious NASTY thing I have heard for a long time.

Karma is a bitch. Remember that.

Sallystyle · 03/10/2015 19:16

My friend isn't sleeping with ransomers

Thank god for that Grin

Savagebeauty · 03/10/2015 19:16

Oh how ironic if op's h ever had an affair.Grin

BlueBlueBelles · 03/10/2015 19:18

Savage, maybe he is. He goes out of an evening whilst she sits indoors drinking with the kids. He could be shagging anyone of us single slags after all.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 03/10/2015 19:19

Well she's not sleeping with randomers either u2 she will be glad she's not been kidnaped and needing to sleep with ransomers!

stupid autocorrect

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 03/10/2015 19:19

"Karma is a bitch. Remember that,
Yes she certainly is, and her worse enemy is smugness. Remember that, too op.

Savagebeauty · 03/10/2015 19:20

taps nose
I am a divorced woman...God knows what op would make of me. I drink in bars ON MY OWN.

AryaOfWinterfell · 03/10/2015 19:24

Do you know what OP when I was in a nice stable family set up my kids never saw their Dad as he was always working. As I felt like a single parent I thought I may as well be so left him.
Two years on and the children see their Dad much more than they used to, do you know why? Well it's because I 'dump' them on him a couple of nights a week and one weekend a month.
However, all you would focus on would be the fact that I go out with friends on that weekend and have a drink with friends.
You are so blinkered that you can't see that my children have a much better, stronger relationship with him now because he has been forced into spending quality time with them.
Most shocking of all OP, I can hand on heart say that I love being single. I can't honestly remember a time in my life I have ever been so contented!
Don't worry though carry on getting tipsy whilst your dh is down the pub and your kids are upstairs watching god knows what online!

StillFrankie · 03/10/2015 19:24

Oh I could have written this post!

They tell their kids they don't have money for the ice cream van, moan about donating anything (even 50p) to your fundraising campaign, don't do parties for their kids cos it's "too dear" but have money for nights out drinking, manicures etc.

Op, yanbu

Tutt · 03/10/2015 19:26

This is why we will have a society of self entitled selfish people.
Your 'friends' are having fun get over it.
Parents shouldn't ALWAYS put children first, all family memebers are equal.
A parent who is well rounded, happy and is allowed a life away from the children to indulge in being themselves etc tends to be a better parent.
I'm sick of hearing that after you produce you have to always put yourself on a lower pegging than your children, if you don't look after your own happiness how can you raise happy children.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 03/10/2015 19:27

Oh not at all bitter stillfrankie

Maybe they don't have their purse or don't want their kids eating to many I've creams! Maybe parties are too expensive! And maybe they just don't aggree with your charity!

MushroomMama · 03/10/2015 19:30

I was a single mum! And I would go out and get pissed with my mates. Do you know how hard it is solo parenting? Probably not! Oh and I'm married now but i still go out once a month!

Just because you birthed some spawn doesn't mean you stop being a individual in your own right.

Feel sorry that you're so angry and so deeply invested in other people's lives and not your own

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