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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think either I'm a shit parent or young children suck the joy out of everything?

143 replies

Podsandpeas1 · 03/10/2015 12:48

Long sorry ...
Just had another trip out with the DC end in tears Hmm

DC are 5 and 3 . I took them out for breakfast to their favourite place this morning . No problems until we went to the toilets after.

Just general messing about , touching things and not listening whilst I'm trying to help each of them get sorted / hands washed etc.

Then we went to the park and this is where it got frustrating .

I was pushing both dds on the swings - there wasn't much enjoyment from any of us as they just kept whining to go higher / push me / not like that / do it this way / you missed me. Every bloody second .

Needless to say I got frustrated and told them one more go each and tried to show them how to swing themselves .

Oldest dd went in a huff , refused to try and said she wanted to go home and that she wished daddy was here Hmm (DH is away with work) . This is typical of her - huffs when she doesn't get what she wants , when she wants it and then turning mean.

I told her to stop spoiling stuff and she had hurt my feelings .

Both dds eventually managed to get themselves in to a game and played nicely together for all of five minutes !

I then had to police the taking of turns on the slide .

I also had to push them on the roundabout - I wasn't allowed to sit on it though - I had to stand and push them Hmm

We eventually have another go on the swings before we go home - more push me push me! . I gave them clear warnings when there was 5 minutes , 1 minute left etc.

Time to go and dd2 refuses to get off the swing . Tries to negotiate extra time and is clinging on. I tell her I'm going to pick her up and literally have to drag her off the swing Hmm

Obviously , now we are in tantrum mode and she sits on the floor refusing to move unless I carry her to the car - which is just a few metres away ! . I can't carry her as I have back problems so I say, ok I'm off to the car and turn my back on her .

She screams "I hate you" and cries and screams back to the car - giving the whole park some entertainment.

FFS ANOTHER attempt at trying to do something nice with them turns to shit .

I feel like all I'm doing is telling them NOT to do stuff - I was hoping the park would be a place for them to just run around and let off steam .

Would you have stood and pushed them over and over on the swings ? Was I being mean for not doing as they want the whole time ?

Surely in a small playground , they don't need me to helicopter them by now ?

This kind of thing happens all the time . I hate swings because of this very reason Angry

OP posts:
GoldPlatedShitGibbon · 03/10/2015 12:55

I'm mean and very rarely push swings, I tell DD Mummy is having peace and quiet. Is there enough stuff in your park so that they can run about and let off steam without you having to do everything?

Yep, I do think that pretty much everything in life is worse when you have kids, apart from things like fireworks and putting up the Christmas tree. Yes, there's a huge wave of love that comes with having kids, but many things do indeed have the last drop of joy squeezed out of them.

Flowers OP, sounds like a tough morning.

deeedeee · 03/10/2015 12:57

I hate swings too! Mine never just play in the park, they just demand pushing and fight. Totally relate to your op! You could have been talking about my 6 and 3 year old. I advise telly and gin. And crippling self hatred at what a shit patent you are. X

sproketmx · 03/10/2015 13:03

I think you're maybe giving them too much. Like others said when we go to the park I just let them get on with it. They will learn how to swing themselves or burl themselves on a roundabout eventually. Maybe take a step back and let them sort it themselves. As for the carry me it's get up or get left. I have walked off, driven off, walked out shops pubs cafes etc and went out of sight. It usually scares the shit out of them enough so they don't do it again

happyending14 · 03/10/2015 13:04

My dc are 12 and 9 and I am still waiting for the time when I can sit down in the park.

megletthesecond · 03/10/2015 13:05

Young kids do tend to make otherwise pleasant outings a bloody ordeal.

I even feed the ducks in my lunch break because it sure as hell wasn't fun doing it when my dc's were small.

Frusso · 03/10/2015 13:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Roonerspism · 03/10/2015 13:10

????

I find my children behave better when I ignore them completely.

I have to say that I also hate play parks. We often go for a walk in the woods instead. Way less scope for fights

Roonerspism · 03/10/2015 13:10

Frigging phone. Those question marks are meant to be flowers! Flowers

lostInTheWash · 03/10/2015 13:12

We had/have day trip out like this - DH also says what we needed was more practise not less doing stuff.

Had several trips recently with both of us or just me and had similar yet over next few days they've told other what great time they had. Confused.

Try stepping back in the park - or if they can't play nicely telling them they have a choice play nicely or your going and follow through - ignore all spectators - it can cut down some of this for more everyday trips.

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 03/10/2015 13:12

I just let mine get on with it in the park.

It does sound like you are trying very hard to do 'nice things'. Which is fine if they are enjoying it, but if they aren't then I would save yourself some hassle.

What happens if they are just pottering around at home together?

roundtable · 03/10/2015 13:13

I feel your pain op.

We have a touring caravan and two preschoolers. Every time we have a holiday the children tantrum for 70% of the day. Every time we swear never again.

The park is the same and the swings are the worst. My sil promises me it gets better as they get older. I hope she's not just saying it to make me feel better.

formerbabe · 03/10/2015 13:13

I always breathe a sigh of relief if we get to the park and they see a friend from school there! Means I can sit on a bench in peace!!

BrucieTheShark · 03/10/2015 13:14

Yes all small children remind me of my grandma, may she rest in peace.

Outing spent moaning, largely miserable, lots of criticism of people, places, facilities, lots of unfavourable comparison with Grimsby (????).

Then we get home and she would tell people for weeks about her trip, how wonderful it was, what a great day etc.

They must see that they get to you with 'I hate you', 'I wish daddy was here' stuff. Hard as it is, you just have to smile through it and pretend make sure they know you still love them at that moment. Then they might give up that crap (eventually).

Millymollymama · 03/10/2015 13:14

My DH actually lost DD in a large playground because he sat down and let her get on with it. She was 4. I was taking other DD for a nappy change. He didn't keep any eye on her at all - that is the mark of a true shit parent. When I got back I asked DH where she was. He thought she was in the playground but she was not there. We then rushed all over the huge park and couldn't find her. We then remembered there was a lost child kiosk so we ran to that . She was there, colouring in a book.

I think they can do some things on their own but pushing swings is just part of childhood and motherhood. Boring but necessary. Most children get off the swing when it is the turn of another child or you bribe them with going to the cafe. Try a bribe!

auntyclot · 03/10/2015 13:17

I would push them on the swings for ten mins or so, then tell them it was time to play on something else. What else would you be doing at the park anyway, don't you enjoy playing with them? The "higher, faster" business isn't whingeing, it's little children enjoying the swings. I wouldn't have policed the taking turns, I'd have let them sort that out for themselves.

Little children can be hard work and it is demoralising when you've tried to do something nice and they whinge all the way through it and argue with each other but it does sound like you are thinking very negatively about them and taking normal child behaviour personally.

What do you enjoy doing with them? Is it going for walks? Crafts? Baking? Snuggling up to watch a film? Whatever it is, do more of it. Build your relationship with them first, everything else is secondary.

HackerFucker22 · 03/10/2015 13:18

I hate the bloody park full stop at the moment.

DS is almost 3 and everytime we go it ends in tears, tantrums and me swearing in my head I'm never doing it again.

DS only likes the swings, he'd sit in them all day if I let him - but I have to push him all the time. He is only happy is swinging high... If I dare stop pushing him and attend to the baby (9 months so thankfully happy in her pram) I get yelled at.

We go to several local parks and they are often quiet so I can't even get him out of the swing by telling him it's someone else's turn. Quite often we can be the only ones on the 4 swings.

Eventually in coax him out and we have a tantrum. Every fucking time we go. I try to explain that he can't just sit in the swing for hours..... He doesn't understand why. I then have to abandon the baby and put on my faux happy mummy act to get him to go on anything else.

He won't go out of my sight or do anything independently of me - except in one of the parks there is a big slide he is too scared to come down so he climbs up and yaps until I climb up and rescue him this happens several times in a row until I relent and put him back on the fucking swings

If I settle myself on a bench and leave him to play he just comes and sits with me. He won't do anything without my full participation.

He is fine for granny and daddy by the way.

As I say I hate the poxy park!!

Chippednailvarnish · 03/10/2015 13:22

You keep saying you "had to", except you don't have to...

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 03/10/2015 13:24

I quite like pushing DD on the swings, isn't that part of the fun of taking them to the park?
Other than that, yes you're right. Pretty much everything is harder/less fun with children in tow! I yearn for the days I can go out for a leisurely lunch with wine again...

WyrdByrd · 03/10/2015 13:33

I only have one DD and whilst it saves the arguments, there is no choice but to helicopter at the park as there's only you and them - It is, imho, one of the most catastrophically tedious parts of parenting.

Of course mine is now 11 and it's only a matter of time before I'm stressing about not having to go to the park with her and wondering what she's up to while she's there Hmm.

Tbh I think it's just one of those crappy bits of parenting that you have to take along with the good stuff, although if it happens a lot and you're doing it all solo at the moment it must be tough.

Is there a DVD that will keep them parked and quiet this afternoon - it sounds like you've earned an afternoon of 'whatever it takes to keep them occupied' so you can have a cuppa, cake and a bit of piece and quiet Flowers.

AdjustableWench · 03/10/2015 13:34

I remember this from when my kids were little. I'd take them for a nice trip to the park and they'd have tantrums the entire time. They're quite a bit older now, and when I take them for a nice trip to something a bit more age-appropriate than a play park they moan the whole time and argue with each other. I took them to the play park last week (they're way too old for that kind of thing) and they behaved impeccably. I don't think I'll ever get the hang of parenting.

ImaShellacKindaGirl · 03/10/2015 13:36

I also had to push them on the roundabout - I wasn't allowed to sit on it though

Sounds to me like they're in charge. You're the grown up so you decide if you want to push or sit down.
When I go to the park I grab a coffee and sit down.

ppeatfruit · 03/10/2015 13:37

Sorry how is it possible to just let a 3 yr old 'get on' on it's own in a playpark? Very likely she would get knocked over by a swing and you'd end up in hospital with them. Also it sounds like there's sibling rivalry going on.

I used to be as fair as poss. with my mindees and dcs. Time them on the swings or whatever. Take some healthy snacks to eat and drink . Kids are far more miserable if they're hungry or thirsty.

Who's the adult here? You sound a bit self obsessed IMO. Do you have them in the week?.

ChocolateJam · 03/10/2015 13:38

Young children are hard work and they're ungrateful little bastards. You are not a shit parent, really shit parents don't worry about whether they are or not! Perhaps you need to lower your expectations. Also, being told that they hate you is quite normal. I just respond with "I love you anyway". To which DD used to shout "No you don't!", and I just ignored. And if they wish daddy was there agree with them and say yes, you wish that too, wouldn't it have been great to have him there?

ZiggyWiggy · 03/10/2015 13:39

OP, I posted something similar to this a few weeks ago. It wasn't about the park but basically I was trying to do something nice with my DS and all he did was whinge and spoil it for both of us until I got to the point when I thought why bother. You are not alone. We all have shit days where we try and do something special for the children but they are totally unappreciative and ruin it. It won't be everytime or every day. On days like today just cut your losses, head home, stick on cbeebies and put on the kettle. Sometimes a little bit of down time is good for everyone. You're probably tired with your husband away and the kids are picking up on this. You are not a bad parent. You are human and it's hard work. I bet you are doing a brilliant job x

ppeatfruit · 03/10/2015 13:42

ChocolateJam How 'grateful' do you expect them to be? If you DO put the work in they are happy and that's good enough isn't it?

I agree she wouldn't be worrying if she was really a shit parent. Lowering expectations is a very good idea.

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