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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think either I'm a shit parent or young children suck the joy out of everything?

143 replies

Podsandpeas1 · 03/10/2015 12:48

Long sorry ...
Just had another trip out with the DC end in tears

DC are 5 and 3 . I took them out for breakfast to their favourite place this morning . No problems until we went to the toilets after.

Just general messing about , touching things and not listening whilst I'm trying to help each of them get sorted / hands washed etc.

Then we went to the park and this is where it got frustrating .

I was pushing both dds on the swings - there wasn't much enjoyment from any of us as they just kept whining to go higher / push me / not like that / do it this way / you missed me. Every bloody second .

Needless to say I got frustrated and told them one more go each and tried to show them how to swing themselves .

Oldest dd went in a huff , refused to try and said she wanted to go home and that she wished daddy was here (DH is away with work) . This is typical of her - huffs when she doesn't get what she wants , when she wants it and then turning mean.

I told her to stop spoiling stuff and she had hurt my feelings .

Both dds eventually managed to get themselves in to a game and played nicely together for all of five minutes !

I then had to police the taking of turns on the slide .

I also had to push them on the roundabout - I wasn't allowed to sit on it though - I had to stand and push them

We eventually have another go on the swings before we go home - more push me push me! . I gave them clear warnings when there was 5 minutes , 1 minute left etc.

Time to go and dd2 refuses to get off the swing . Tries to negotiate extra time and is clinging on. I tell her I'm going to pick her up and literally have to drag her off the swing

Obviously , now we are in tantrum mode and she sits on the floor refusing to move unless I carry her to the car - which is just a few metres away ! . I can't carry her as I have back problems so I say, ok I'm off to the car and turn my back on her .

She screams "I hate you" and cries and screams back to the car - giving the whole park some entertainment.

FFS ANOTHER attempt at trying to do something nice with them turns to shit .

I feel like all I'm doing is telling them NOT to do stuff - I was hoping the park would be a place for them to just run around and let off steam .

Would you have stood and pushed them over and over on the swings ? Was I being mean for not doing as they want the whole time ?

Surely in a small playground , they don't need me to helicopter them by now ?

This kind of thing happens all the time . I hate swings because of this very reason

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 04/10/2015 14:57

My dd tried whinging at me once when we were out. She was three. I told her if she tried that again, we'd be going home as she clearly wasn't enjoying herself. Worked for me.

Same would have happened if she had yelled at me.

I can see why we have some kids at school who can't take any adult direction - because they totally rule the roost at home.

ppeatfruit · 04/10/2015 15:15

mumsgoingtouni I do agree about those bloody birds' nest swings. Not only are they impossible for the smaller dcs to get in and out of without help, they are dangerous. I've only seen older dcs pushing them. I wouldn't do it

Must have been designed by a man

unlucky83 · 04/10/2015 15:41

mumsgoing and Ppeat
I agree about those birdsnest swings too! I hate them - as you said they give children in them no exercise and they are dangerous. Not only the the danger of them falling out but I saw a teen (elder sibling) being taken off in an ambulance at a park because of one - they thought she had a broken pelvis - she'd been hit on the hip with one she was pushing full of children .
Also the fact that if you have a shy child they don't want to get into one with a lot of strangers - at a busy park (especially the one near me where after a refurbishment that is the only type of swing there is) they don't get a swing at all!

Chairmanofthebored · 04/10/2015 16:39

Oh Op I really feel for you and if you're a shit parent, then so am I! They are bloody hard work and sometimes nothing you do is good enough, so I agree just do less! Mine are 7 and 4, and we have had many a pleasant day turn into a nightmare! I wish I knew the answer but I fear it may be a large glass of pino and an early bedtime for them!
There are some moments of joy though, try to remember them when you are having a bad day, its all you can do. I'm sure when they are older things will be easier (I hope)

toomuchtooold · 04/10/2015 17:17

I think the point of the birds nest swings is that they can be used by children with limited mobility.

WorzelsCornyBrows · 04/10/2015 17:36

YouTheCat yes of course all 3yo's follow instruction that easily and if they don't it's because of bad parenting

myusernamewastaken · 04/10/2015 17:49

Mine were awful when they were younger....i usually left places apologising and offering to pay for any breakages/damage....it was sooooo stressful....anyway they are now all teenagers and one has left for Uni and i kind of miss those early years x

Francoitalialan · 04/10/2015 18:27

I snorted at youthecat too.

Do you assume all good behaviour is down to stellar parenting and that kids who play up need a firmer/different hand?

unlucky83 · 04/10/2015 18:31

toomuch - that might be the idea but even then they aren't practical - you would still need to lift the child in, not push too enthusiastically etc.
In two parks I can think of they have limited mobility friendly swings - big bucket seats that you can strap in a bigger child if necessary...and they can be used by 'normal' children too -surely that is a better idea?
(One park also has a disability friendly roundabout - you can push on a wheelchair and fasten it in place - so you don't need to struggle to get out of the chair - or you can take a child out of a wheelchair and fasten them to a seat on there ... and again other children can use it at the same time - ...I think a brilliant idea... )

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 04/10/2015 18:38

Yeah. I laughed at YoutheCat too.

hazeyjane · 04/10/2015 18:54

I detest those big round birds nest type swings. The children can't physically move it themselves while they're on it so the poor parent has to stand there, bored shitless, swinging and trying to avoid getting kicked in the head while the kids just sit there exerting no effort at all. I thought play parks were to exercise kids - not parents.

I love these swings - my ds, who is disabled (but perfectly 'normal!), loves them too, he is 5 and starting to be too big for the 'baby' swings, but can't manage on the swings without support. He gets to lie or sit in them, gets great sensory feedback, can sit in them with his sisters in there too plus they swing better than the baby swings and spin too. As the pusher, I find them easier to push, and whilst I have to lift him in and out - this would be the case with any swing (apart from those designed to take wheelchairs, but I have only ever seen 1 of those!)

I think going to the swings is a bit of a balance, having to help out and join in, and letting the get on with it. Obviously I have to get a bit more involved, and will have to for longer into the future, because ds can't access the playground without my help, and boy of boy does he love the swings! But with my dds (now 8 and 9) there was a few years of that balance, with the letting them get on with it part outweighing the helping them out part as time went on.

unlucky83 · 04/10/2015 20:41

hazey have you seen this type
www.amazon.co.uk/Teenage-Full-Support-Swing-Seat/dp/B0018QGANG/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1443987215&sr=8-5&keywords=special+needs+swing
we have these (or similar I think the ones we have lean back slightly more -have more upper body support) in two big parks near us...there are a couple in each park - if you need a harness you do need to take one (I think they have been vandalised ) but I think they are great - there is a sign saying priority for people with a disability but they 'work' like normal swings so they can be used by all.... I think much safer for everyone than the birds nest ones...

OwenMeanysArmadillo · 04/10/2015 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat · 04/10/2015 21:06

Where did I say it works for all kids? Ffs. I said 'worked for me'. It does work for plenty of kids if you're consistent.

It wouldn't have worked for ds as he is severely autistic.

However, I see kids every day at school, yelling at their parents and behaving really badly and being allowed to. No way would I, or any of my friends, have got away with that.

I thought we were the adults?

And I don't mean 'oh look at me! I'm in charge' either. I mean we have the capacity to make complex decisions and young children really don't but they are given too many confusing choices everyday and this seriously impacts on behaviour.

hazeyjane · 04/10/2015 21:59

Unlucky - yes, we have one of those swings at home.

Ds prefers the birds nest ones, partly because of the motion, it swings and spins and partly because he can sit in it with his sisters if he wants to. I prefer them too, because it is easier to get him into and out of the birds nest, they are easier to push, and because the obviously 'special needs' swings in the parks we have been to are always in use, have harnesses missing or have been vandalised

unlucky83 · 04/10/2015 22:56

Fair enough hazey ...thinking about it I guess it is my problem more than the DCs...
I think they are really dangerous - I can't watch anyone use them -it makes me feel slightly sick, my legs turn to jelly ... like the feeling you get when your child has a potentially serious accident (eg the seconds after DD1 fell head first onto concrete off a park bench - I heard the thud ...or trapped her fingers in the car door) - or even like watching someone using a big sharp knife carelessly...
(I did actually tell a teenager at a park once they needed to be more careful pushing their friends in one )

Senpai · 05/10/2015 04:56

This is why some animals eat their young.

They could be acting out because their father is away. My father traveled a lot and every time he did my teachers would ask my mother if he was out because our behavior took a turn for the worst.

Can you have a talk before hand outlining clear expectations. Form it in what you want from them, not what you don't want. "I want you two to behave, that means taking turns, sharing the equipment, and coming back when I call you. I'll be on the bench drinking brandy coffee."

DD is more of an independent child, and is happy to wander off without me. But she is still a very young toddler, and gets exhausted from all the kids running everywhere quickly so it's not hard to get her to leave yet.

TeamScoutRifle · 05/10/2015 07:41

Oh yeah mine were like that. Then they wondered why I didn't want to go the park.
Mine are now older but my ds still sucks the fun out of everything because he is a bad loser like his uncle! Took them bowling at the weekend £50 for 2 games & £10 on refreshments so not cheap but because my ds is not very good even with the sides up he had a face like a smacked backside after he lost the first game (my dh & I weren't even trying we were just chucking the ball down any old way) and had a meltdown when he lost the 2nd game. (He's almost 12 and my dd is the autistic one so he had no excuse) oh the joys.

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