AIBU to not want to sell father's house?

[deeedeee]

My father died this last year and left his house and everything ( his estate) equally to me and my two siblings. One of these siblings wants to clear and sell the house now, the other two don't want to. The sibling who wants to sell is the executor of the will. Does anyone have any experience of this kind of situation? How would we go about buying the third sibling out? is it a good idea? what else could be done?

Did the will leave the house to the 3 of you, or did it leave the proceeds of sale?

If the proceeds of sale, the estate still owns it and would be expected to sell it.

Agree a price, and raise between you enough to buy them out for a third of the valuation. You shouldn't discount the value for a one-third interest, as the reluctant owner could force a sale of the whole through the courts.

It just says a third of the estate.

How do we go about raising a third of the value.

So sad that if we can't afford to buy them out we have to clear and sell our childhood home :-(

Realistically, what else would you do other than sell?

You can't all live there with your spouses and children. Or maybe you could?

Sorry for your loss tho xx

What would you do with the house? Rent it out, one of you live in it?

TBH the executor has to do his job which is sort the estate out, I would hate that hassle and responsibility tbh perhaps they want to get on with it? Perhaps they desperately need the money?

I guess that's my question. What realistically can we do? Has anyone been in this situation?

Ideally we'd want to keep it for a decade? While the grandchildren grow up and continue to spend holidays there. And to give time for us to all be able to deal with and share out the contents etc.

I understand your unwillingness to sell,what would you do with the house should the 3rd sibling not be so eager to sell?

An empty property still requires upkeep still requires utilities and this could become a financial burden.

Have you considered renting it out?

the house is a house its bricks and mortar your childhood home and its memories are yours.that you hold in furniture photographs and in your heart, maybe it is time to step a little further and think about getting the estate sorted and moving forward with your father in your heart x

Without being cruel or nosy I wondering if you could fill us in a bit more.

Is it that you aren't quite emotionally ready to sell, but may be say a year down the line or are you opposed to a sale full stop? Do you and the other sibling want to use the house for? A holiday home for your families, rent it out or just leave it empty.

I don't know you or your father but I would imagine he left his house to his children on the understanding that it would be sold and the proceeds used by them. I doubt he wanted the house to become a mausoleum.

It sounds like some nostalgic dream tbh. The reality is that someone needs to live in it, whether it be one of the siblings or it is rented out. Renting it out to earn it's keep is money and hassle and you wouldn't be able to enjoy it as a holiday home. Nor would you if one of the siblings bought it and moved in.

You're the older generation now, time to make new traditions etc.

Once you rent it out, it no longer remains yours. Everything that reminds you of your dad wouldn't any more, because other people will have used it.

There are all sorts of problems if you leave it empty for most of the year. I think it would become quite a sad reminder of your dad, tbh. You wouldn't be able to decorate if you wanted to keep it as it was. Everything would become very dated - I don't mean that from a taste point of view, just that it would seem more sad.

Your dad isn't there in his things, in his home; he's in your heart and your memory. Ten years on the house will be like a shrine to him; surely that would be harder to lose then?

I had to do this with my sister a couple do years ago. It was agony but actually it was just things and things are not the person. I wear his watch and a ring he have me every day and that makes me feel close to him.
You need to make financial decisions that work best for your family- if it would work to rent etc for years and you'd all be willing to contribute to the upkeep and running of it then brilliant. Or are you delaying the inevitable as it is so painful and actually is it what would have made your father happy?

I know mine wouldn't have wanted any fuss and felt strongly things were not as important as people. It brought my Sister and I even closer together. Whatever you do my advice would be not to let it come in the way of ongoing relationships. You are his legacy.
I feel for you, it does get better.

So sorry for your loss. I'm dreading the day it happens to me so I do sympathise.

I can understand why one party wants to sell, though, for the reasons described above. What you're envisioning sounds a little like keeping the property as a shrine which perhaps isn't the healthiest thing. Presumably the money would come in useful for him/her as well.

My Mum inherited a third share of a family holiday home.

It became very difficult. One family used it far more than the others, and did all sorts if updates to it (without asking the others) they let all their family and friends use it too (without asking) so there was rarely a free weekend for the others. They then wanted to everyone else to pay for the changes they'd made.

The other two felt that they were paying to insure etc a house they could never use but that lots of other people were benefiting free of charge.

It became so difficult that the house was sold.

Think carefully about all the implications. Houses need to be maintained, insured and tbh lived in.

On a practical level, you would have to have the house valued, usually by three estate agents, then go for the average price. You and your sibling would have to raise a mortgage for one third of the value and would have to give that money to your other sibling.

What if the sibling who wants to sell wants some of the furniture/keepsakes, as is his/her right? Immediately the house would look different.

You plan to spend holidays there - would the elder sibling be allowed to come to stay in the house, given he/she doesn't own it? What about their children?

Would you feel obliged to spend all holidays there, to make it worthwhile? What about family Christmases? Your children wouldn't have the memory of them in their own home then, would they?

Perhaps your father chose the sibling who is the executor for the role as he thought they would be the one who could crack on with the job.

My dad grew up on a farm and we spend long idyllic holidays there as children with my granny. Picking apples and hand rearing lambs. We all have those lovely memories and my own dc have never been near a farm really. But we couldn't keep the house when she died. Most people can't afford extra houses.

I was my dads executor and it's not a job I would wish on anyone.
It actually stopped my grieving process....I just couldn't grieve...I had too much to do.
If the 2 siblings cannot buy the third out the house will have to be sold. Wrt to the contents....Get a storage unit if you cannot face going through it all now. It's not a nice task, that's for sure.

Not emotionally ready.

Don't want to lose my home and my children's holiday home as well as my parents.

But not sure how to keep it. Was thinking it would be a good investment. Upkeep on an empty house won't be too much?

You're all making me cry. Was asking for practical advise from people who have been in this situation. Maybe Ainu was the wrong place to ask. Was looking for a quick response.

You asked what you could do?
Posters have told you what your options are.
I'm sorry for your loss, but bricks and mortar can't love you back.
Perhaps you might need some bereavement counselling?

If you can afford it, keep it.
But if you rent it out, how will that still be your home?
Sorry, I don't quite understand.

Really hard to say goodbye to your childhood home.

But - upkeep on an empty house is worse than a lived in one, as it may take a while to notice if a pipe breaks/mice or moths move in/tiles come off roof leading to a leak etc. Also it can become a target for burglars. I'd think about the situation very carefully if I were you.

My mum and uncles had exactly this when my nan died. One uncle needed the cash, mum and other uncle wanted more time to grieve and clear house slowly. Ultimately it had to sell. You don't mention the financial situation of the one who wants to sell. Leaving a property empty is a huge money pit.
But do you know what made everything ok for us? Driving past nan's house a year later and seeing a baby's cot in her bedroom window. She'd have lived that. That's what houses are for, to be homes.

I'm really sorry if this has upset you. It's something we're all going to face or have already faced and it must be awful.

The thing is though that you just can't stop time. And you have a home - the one you live in. Upkeep on an empty house will be just the same as on one that's lived in, but you'd have the worries of break ins, of leaks when you're not there etc. It's not a holiday home in that you could rent it out, so that it's used more.

Your dad wouldn't have wanted his home to cause problems between his children. Surely that would have been the last thing he would have wanted?

When you think about it, nobody does this, do they? Your dad didn't own his parents' home for years afterwards, did he? It's something everyone has to come to terms with and it is hard, but there's usually no choice at all.

I agree you might need bereavement counselling if several months have gone by and you can't think of selling it.

Perhaps you might need some bereavement counselling?

I would second that and know a number of people for whom it has been really helpful. Maybe ask the sibling who wants to sell if they can hang fire whilst you undergo counselling.

People on this thread weren't trying to upset you or be malicious but as your original post was vague weneeded to get more information on why you wanted to hang on to the house as that wasn't altogether clear.

Sadly there is a lot of upkeep on an empty house. Your sibling will resent you for not selling just like you resent them now.

I'm guessing your parent really meant for you to enjoy the proceeds of the sale equally.

Owning a house 3 ways just isn't going to be practical in the long term - each family won't use it equally for holidays, are you all really going to spend all holidays there? Does it really have the same meaning for grandkids as it does for you? I appreciate they may love it but they'd prob love wherever you went on holiday. When they are teens they are likely to think it's boring.

What were you going to do when one of the 3 died - will it then be owned by even more people.

So sorry you aren't emotionally ready but I think your sibling's desire to sell it is the only practical way forward and probably what your parent intended.

practical advice - in terms of buying the other sibling out, you'd have to all agree on a price for the house - whatever it would sell for you think - and then 2 of you pay that third to the executor.

upkeep on an empty house - there will be costs to keep it in good condition and depending on where you live you might have to worry about squatters. I wonder if you could employ a caretaker type of person - someone who maybe in exchange for free accommodation could look after it, then when you and your DC stay there, there will only be one other person around.

again, keeping in mind you asked for practical advice - I'd sell now while prices are high.

Gosh, all so harsh!

sorry, obviously wrong place to ask. But at least I know perhaps what's going on in head of sibling who wants to sell, so thank you x