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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not want to sell father's house?

169 replies

deeedeee · 03/10/2015 10:15

My father died this last year and left his house and everything ( his estate) equally to me and my two siblings. One of these siblings wants to clear and sell the house now, the other two don't want to. The sibling who wants to sell is the executor of the will. Does anyone have any experience of this kind of situation? How would we go about buying the third sibling out? is it a good idea? what else could be done?

OP posts:
Rowgtfc72 · 03/10/2015 22:05

Op, i hope you find a way to make it work.

deeedeee · 03/10/2015 23:37

Cheers girl who wears glasses. It's not a nineteen sixties semi, nor a amazing house in a stunning location. But it is home. And it is also by the beach in a seaside holiday town ( my parents were hoteliers) so there is potential. Just depends on whether it's possible and practical , but hopefully taking things slowly and researching all options slowly together will help.

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averylongtimeago · 03/10/2015 23:50

We are going through this right now with my DH and my BiL. The property was left equally between them, one wants to sell, to clear the house and move on . The other wants to take time, to go slowly. It is tearing them apart, after nearly 2 years the sale is almost agreed, I doubt they will speak again after it goes through. One really needs the money, the other doesn't. One says it's just stuff and bricks, his mums not there. The other wants a shrine.
Do you want this for your family?
I have had to clear and sell my own DM's house, it is horrible but had to be done. If it had been a rented house it would have had to be cleared in a couple of weeks.
I am sorry you are going through this, it is so hard.

deeedeee · 04/10/2015 00:00

feel a lot more positive tonight that regardless of eventual outcomes me, the process is going to be slower and more of a compromise . Executor sibling seems more relaxed too. I think they'd thought that this was all their cross to bear. They seemed visibly relieved with talk of possibilities respect and compromise

OP posts:
quicklydecides · 04/10/2015 00:22

Did you find out if there is also some money?
It would be great good fortune if there is.. It would help you to keep the house.

Auntpodder · 04/10/2015 03:11

When my DH and his siblings turned my FiL's house into a holiday let, one BiL paid for all the renovations and it took some time before he was paid back but (luckily) he was very mellow about it and had pretty deep pockets. Other families manage it, as DH said, sometimes through gritted teeth (there were a few family tantrums along the way before it was all finished) - the agency are good and arrange plumbers etc, although not much has gone wrong, the one week per family is willingly adhered to. If your parents were hoteliers, you'll know more than other people.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 04/10/2015 12:23

Really glad the meeting went well, but do remember that the 2 months will go by all too quickly ... you'll need to be very proactive in getting together facts and figures for a future discussion

deeedeee · 04/10/2015 18:01

Yes. Any help appreciated! X

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TeenyfTroon · 04/10/2015 18:34

I think you've been getting a lot of helpful advice and support on here. I know you said your parents were hoteliers so hopefully you'll have some idea of the work involved in BB/holiday cottages etc. I have a holiday cottage and I am often aghast at what people can do to it in a week, so would urge you to think very carefully before letting out a house you are so attached to. The work involved in getting it ready after each let is considerable and I would not like to rely on anyone else doing it as well as I do. I live next door which is the only thing that makes it work for me. Also, houses are like cars. They don't do well when left to themselves!
I think you need time to be able to let go and I'm glad you seem to be able to take this time after your meeting with your siblings.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 04/10/2015 19:00

There are lots of suggestions on here about how to approach the logistics of keeping the house, deeedeee - what do you feel you'd like to do first?

deeedeee · 04/10/2015 19:05

I think the plan might be to gradually over the next year or so clear dad's stuff while doing the house up to rental/ put on the market standard, with all of us there every four weeks at least to do this . And in that time either decide to sell or decide to plan for it being a holiday cottage. The only uncertainty is whether executor sibling wants to stay in for that process or not. About £20 000 in the estate apart from house which we all agree is to cover expenses during this period.

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deeedeee · 04/10/2015 19:07

Main uncertainty rather than only uncertainty rather.

But luckily everyone was very kind considerate and relieved to be talking and making some plans together

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StatisticallyChallenged · 04/10/2015 19:08

Deeeedee, so sorry to hear about your loss. Dealing with the practicalities of a death can be so very difficult for everyone involved. I had to do it recently with my sibling and it's so horrid, so please don't think I don't understand with the following!

From a practical perspective if you want to keep the house then your options really are for you, your non executor sibling, or a combination of both, to buy out the sibling who doesn't want to keep the house. I would definitely echo all of the advise above about speaking to a financial adviser as without knowing your specific financial situations it's very hard to say what options you have available. But, a few things to consider:

-What else is there in the estate e.g. cash or investments? The will says (I think) 1/3 of the estate but unless it's very specific that will mean 1/3 of the value, those 1/3rds could be made up of different assets. So if there are assets other than the house you and sibling 1 could agree to all of them going to sibling 2. This could reduce how much you need to find to buy sibling 2 out

-have you had the house valued? At this stage for the purposes of planning you could get a couple of local estate agents out to give you rough prices but if you go down a route involving a mortgage on your dad's house then you will need to get a full home report done. Check locally for quotes, think ours was about £600 last year.

-Depending on the value, you, sibling 1 or both of you might be able to take out a mortgage against your dad's house. You will need to speak to an adviser about this and think very carefully about how you plan to use it if you manage to keep it as that will influence which mortgage products you can be offered. I'd maybe look for someone who specialises in non-residential (i.e. BTL and holiday lets) as they will know the market better.

-Alternatively, if either or both of you own your own homes is remortgaging to release some equity an option? Would depend on your incomes, property values etc but could be an option.

-without knowing the property, is there any part of it which could be split? MIL had to do this when her dad died as there was a large garden and a separate garage and selling them meant the main house could be kept. Obviously very location and property specific but worth mentioning.

-Stamp duty will be payable on the value of the transaction rather than the property, although I think if I remember correctly the land registration fees are on the full value.

Practically, if you would like to keep it and use for a holiday let then have a think about how you would manage this and what the costs would be. We have friends who own a holiday home in the highlands and they have a local lady who comes in and cleans between tenants, holds keys etc but obviously she gets paid for this. You'll also need to think about what holiday letters look for and whether you'd need to make any changes (maybe in terms of furnishings, obviously you would want to remove personal items to protect them too) and also whether there are any regs you would need to comply with.

Whether it's rented or not you'll want to insure it although as mentioned upthread this can be tricky on an empty property. DH's dad lives abroad for part of the year and DH has to go round and check on the flat regularly (weekly I think but may be less) as one of the terms of the insurance!

You'll also need to think about the tax - you'll need to declare any income from renting it out (self assessment will be needed if you don't already do one) and you'll have to pay capital gains if you eventually sell in 10 years or so as you suggested.

Be kind to yourself, it sounds like you have been through an awful lot in the last 6 months. It's understandable not to be ready to deal with all of this. Use the couple of months to break it down in to bite size chunks and take it slowly.

StatisticallyChallenged · 04/10/2015 19:09

Whoops, I wrote an essay. Sorry!

deeedeee · 04/10/2015 19:17

As always stat, extremely helpful ! Thank you xxx

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Puzzledandpissedoff · 04/10/2015 19:21

Not my decision of course, but it seems "a year or so" is quite a long time to spend over this, with the unoccupied house deteriorating. Naturally you know them best, but I'd be very surprised if the executor is prepared to accept it dragging on with no real urgency involved, especially bearing in mind their responsibility to get it sorted

Can I ask if you've considered how responsive you could all be to potential renters if you wanted to make it into a business? Remember, people paying good money won't accept personal issues as a reason for delay, or make allowances for it being "dad's home" - they'll want any problems sorting now

deeedeee · 04/10/2015 19:29

You suit your user name puzzled and pissed off! :-)

We've given ourselves two months to explore and research scenarios. That is one of them. But one that the executor might not want to be part of. We'll need to see! We decided to be open minded, honest and considerate, and to all recognise that we're not going to get our ideal. And that the next two months of research might actually change everybody's minds.

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deeedeee · 04/10/2015 19:31

And as for your second question, yes if we were to become land lords then we'd be endeavouring to be good ones. Don't quite understand the question I'm afraid. That is a long way down the line in terms of research and decisions.

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Namechangenell · 05/10/2015 18:32

I agree with Puzzled. I posted upthread as we have just cleared DF's home and it will be going on the market next week. It's where I grew up and he died in August. Neither we nor my siblings wanted it, and so we made the decision to sell as soon as we could. I certainly wouldn't have wanted to use the estate to cover costs for a year to sell it eventually anyway. There's no right or wrong way obviously, but I don't get attached to 'stuff' and I don't see the point in prolonging the inevitable. With regard to siblings, one brother did have a few days of not wanting to move quickly - until the rest of us pointed out that if we did nothing, we could still be in the same position in two or five years' time. He hadn't even computed that there'd be costs along the way (heating for a big old empty house over the winter and so on). Thinking practically, this is what worked best for us. I hope you also reach an amicable solution.

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