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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want to sell father's house?

169 replies

deeedeee · 03/10/2015 10:15

My father died this last year and left his house and everything ( his estate) equally to me and my two siblings. One of these siblings wants to clear and sell the house now, the other two don't want to. The sibling who wants to sell is the executor of the will. Does anyone have any experience of this kind of situation? How would we go about buying the third sibling out? is it a good idea? what else could be done?

OP posts:

SolidGoldBrass · 03/10/2015 11:28

I'm sorry for the sibling who wants to sell. I bet you are whining and guilt-tripping that sibling, who may be in desperate need of the money the house would raise. I appreciate that you are grieving, but grief can make people very selfish, and that appears to be what's happening to you. You don't need to keep this house, and pouring money into the upkeep of an unoccupied house is not just a drain on all family members' finances, but when there are so many people in desperate need of a home, it's particularly selfish to keep one standing empty for sentimental reasons.

SwedishEdith · 03/10/2015 11:31

Have been in this exact situation. It's very difficult. I found as soon as you start removing the contents, it no longer feels like the same house anyway which helped with being able to let go of it. I found it easier to think that it's someone else's turn to have the house now so that they can bring up their family in it. But, if one wants to sell it and you can't afford to buy them out, you don't really have a choice. I feel for you - it is very hard.

Badders123 · 03/10/2015 11:31

And as pp have said, please be kind to your sibling who is the executor.
It's a dreadful dreadful job :(
my dad made me executor because he knew I would do what he wanted, Not what was less upsetting or easier on me.

vic1981 · 03/10/2015 11:32

Is the house of a type/ in an area that would be good for tourists as a B and B?

Badders123 · 03/10/2015 11:32

Does sibling 1 really need the money?
I'm not sure re legalities. As executor I suppose they could force a sale.
Does sibling 1 have POA?

ImperialBlether · 03/10/2015 11:33

I'm sure if you offer your sibling one third of its value, he/she will accept that.

Just be sure that refinancing doesn't make your lives poorer in all sorts of ways. It would be ironic if you bought the house to improve your children's lives when actually it meant they had to spend every single holiday there and had no money for any treats at all.

liletsthepink · 03/10/2015 11:33

My family had to face this situation when my ex died as he wanted his home sold off although his siblings wanted to keep it as an investment or keepsake. It was rented out for a year to tenants who stopped paying rent and did some damage in the meantime. The whole situation became an absolute nightmare and cost thousands to put right.

My advice would be to sell the house as soon as possible. The fact is that unless you are wealthy enough to pay for the upkeep on the house, you really don't have any other option.

Please don't dismiss bereavement counselling as suggested by previous posters. It will help you come to terms with your loss which will enable you to be able to make the right decisions.

ImperialBlether · 03/10/2015 11:35

Badders, it doesn't matter whether sibling 1 needs the money or not. They were left 1/3 of the property by their father and they are entitled to it. It seems as though sibling relationships are being lost for the sake of their father's home. Not what the Will intended, I'm sure.

trixymalixy · 03/10/2015 11:37

My family have also been in this situation. It's very difficult. In the end the house was sold and as painful as it was at the time it was the right thing to do.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 03/10/2015 11:37

The other sibling can force a sale OP yes. They have been left a share of the estate...you can't chop a portion of the house off so in order for them to have their share, it needs to be sold. If you and the other sibling cannot buy them out then they have rights to force a sale.

I am a little affected by this personally as SIL is being a PITA about the same issue because she wants to continue to live in FILS massive house when DH is entitled to half.

SuburbanRhonda · 03/10/2015 11:37

OP, you need to be sitting down with your siblings and talking through the best way to manage this.

You've asked whether the executor sibling can "force a sale", implying you are already envisaging a legal battle on the horizon.

You all loved your dad and must miss him terribly. Talk to each other; don't let this tear your family apart.

AccidentalNameChange · 03/10/2015 11:42

Other sibling and I are trying to think of ways to finance buying third sibling out, and then finance keeping it for our children's childhoods as a holiday home and B and B

Exploring whether it's possible.

Have you seen a broker?

It will depend on your finances, which we are not party to.

Whether our other sibling can force a sale without our consent

The third sibling is the executor. They are under a legal duty to get it all resolved and preferably in a sensible time frame.

Don't let it get acrimonious. There is no need.

Don't let it drag on. There is no need.

How about proposing a deadline by which you will either put a buy-out offer on the table or agree to a sale?

Bovnydazzler · 03/10/2015 11:42

You're obviously grieving so badly, I'm sorry.

I do agree with other posters, I think you anticipated lots of people to say the executor is being heartless, but it's hard to see what the other practical possibilities are. It sounds like this problem also has the risk of turning sibling against sibling, all the talk of doing things without consent rather than coming up with a workable plan together.

What are the financial positions of the 3 siblings? That certainly determines a long way what the choices are. If no one sibling actually wants to live in the house

It depends on the estate value but don't forget inheritance tax, if his estate is over the threshold then this will still be due even if you don't sell, can you afford it if the house isn't sold to a third party?

Original poster

deeedeee · 03/10/2015 11:44

Cripes! I'm whinging and guilt tripping, selfish, dismissing counselling and doing a disservice to my children? That's all harsh!!

I've been trying to get counselling, it's not available until after 6 months of bereavement. I haven't said a word to other sibling. We've all agreed not to make any decisions till we're all ready. I'm merely asking for advice, which some of your have freely given and I thank you for your kindness and empathy. Really appreciate it . Good to feel that it's a well trodden path at least. Other people's perspectives are helpful. Thank you x

OP posts:

Badders123 · 03/10/2015 11:44

My point being imperial, that perhaps the op would be more understanding if sibling 1 was in financial difficulty?
But perhaps not.
It would be a huge shame If this caused a rift. Not what your dad would have wanted, I'm sure.
We will have this issue with sil when pils die. She will want to keep the house on, but will lack the money to do so.
Sigh.

Blu · 03/10/2015 11:46

DeeDee, so sorry about the loss of your Dad, and I can well understand your attachment to the house.

Post in Legal, and ask about the process , do you all have to take possession of it first and then buy out the third sibling etc, or what? Also ask about costs: is there IT to pay ? Do you pay stamp duty on a portion of the house etc.
hopefully you will get a clear idea of what would be involved, whether you could get a mortgage between you, etc.

liletsthepink · 03/10/2015 11:46

Do you have any experience of running a b & b? Have you worked in the hospitality/hotel industry? If not, you will end up losing your inheritance very quickly!

Please don't make any rash decisions while you are grieving.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 03/10/2015 11:46

I've been in this situation and eventually made the decision to sell. I could have got a mortgage for the 50 percent I needed but would have had to have rented it out. And financially it wasn't a good rental house.

I think upkeep on an empty house would add up. You have to pay council tax. You will still need to pay something for gas electric and water as they have daily min charges for been connected. When you sell you would be liable for capital gains tax. House prices could go down as well as interest rates are predicted to rise.

What if the roof needs repairs. Or there's a leak. Or it needs a new boiler.

I do sympathise. I sobbed as I walked away for the last time. But my advice is sell.

Badders123 · 03/10/2015 11:46

Hmmmm...that's not strictly true op.
I accessed counselling for my sister through a local hospice after only 3 months (we lost our dad in very distressing circumstances and then later that day mum had a heart attack. We have all struggled a lot)
Perhaps look into other providers? I know the NHS list can be very long.

Griphook · 03/10/2015 11:46

Really importantly does your sibling who wants to sell need the money?

Badders123 · 03/10/2015 11:48

Also...and I say this kindly....did your dad make sibling 1 executor because he knew that these decisions would be very difficult for you and sibling 3?
My dad made me executor because he knew I would do what he wanted.
Perhaps your dad has done the same?

Blu · 03/10/2015 11:48

OP, please , take yourself out of the AIBU arena.

Jeffreythegiraffe · 03/10/2015 11:48

Are you or your sibling going to move and run a b&b? If it's empty if you have insurance yourself you'll be aware, the house can't be left empty for (usually) more than 30 days. If it's empty now and you haven't told the insurance company you need to as the t&c's will change. You will need different insurance which does cost a lot more, ours was hundreds, if you're planning on buying it and leaving it empty. And when winter comes there are certain terms you have to comply with with the heating, water and furniture. It's not just a case of buying it and leaving it. If you run a b&b you'll need to redecorate so it won't be the same home it was. Is it in an area that needs a b&b? Are you going to let your other sibling stay there if it's a holiday home? What if in a few years you need a new boiler or new roof? Can you afford that? Don't let this tear you and your siblings apart, there is a lot to think about, than just 'keeping' it. It will cost money.

sleeponeday · 03/10/2015 11:54

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.

liletsthepink · 03/10/2015 11:55

The reason that bereavement counselling isn't available until 6 months is because everything is too raw until that point. Most people aren't ready to start coming to terms with their loss until 3-6 months later.

When did your dad die, op? Was his death very sudden or unexpected? Would it help to tell us a little bit about him?

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