AIBU to not want to sell father's house?

[deeedeee]

My father died this last year and left his house and everything ( his estate) equally to me and my two siblings. One of these siblings wants to clear and sell the house now, the other two don't want to. The sibling who wants to sell is the executor of the will. Does anyone have any experience of this kind of situation? How would we go about buying the third sibling out? is it a good idea? what else could be done?

It makes no difference whether my sibling needs the money. It is their right to want to sell and no one has and no one would make them feel in the wrong for that. I'm just trying to think through options and scenarios of what could happen next. and this has been useful thank you.

If the OP goes for independent financial advice about this situation she will hear all the exact same things that she has read here. (With a cursory 'sorry for your loss' first of course).

Everything being said here makes total sense and there is no need for the OP to feel this is not the place to discuss the actual practical issue of what to do with the house. Emotions will run deep of course, but a detached view is going to be the clearest, and that is what she has asked for and is receiving here.

OP, my dad died 11 months ago. I am executor. I am still coming to terms with the loss of my dad and the horrificness of the job of sorting out the estate, and it's still not sorted.

I'm sorry for your loss, and I know the emotional attachment to a house. We looked into buying out my siblings and keeping the house as an investment. To do this, you get a valuation of the house, and agree the price, and you need to raise a third of that to buy out your sibling. You can use your share of any money in the estate (bank accounts,investments) towards this. If you are eligible, you could re-mortgage the house to raise the money. You'll need a solicitor to oversee all of this for you.

I think as executor, your sibling can just go ahead and sell the house. However, if you discuss the situation with them, and can produce the money to buy out their third, I can't see why they wouldn't be agreeable. After all, it saves them having to market and sell the house (another stressful, drawn out process).

In the end, we decided to sell our Dad's house. We took advice that you should never keep a house you are emotionally attached to as an investment to be let it out to tenants. Which is, I think good advice.

Emotionally, my siblings and I found it very difficult dealing with Dad's house and things. We actually left it all alone for about 3 months before we could even start dealing with it. It was harrowing and stressful. You will have to steel yourself and tell yourself they are only things. Objects. Brick & mortar. It is difficult. But it's part of the grieving process - letting their things go (obviously apart from the stuff you keep, heirlooms, mementoes etc) is part of letting them go and moving on.

It will feel raw for a long while

I guess it all depends on finances. If you and sibling 2 can afford it then you can buy sibling 1 out.
I know this is what my mum envisages happening when she goes - she wants my bro to live in the house and for him to buy me and my sister out...This won't happen for many reasons, not least being he doesn't want to live there :(
I would caution against a b&b...bloody hard work. I would also caution against letting it. would you and sibling 2 get lots of use out of it as a holiday home and - would sibling 1 be welcome?
Lots of things to think about....
Good luck.

Thank you so much, under the greenwood tree. That was a really helpful read x

Yes lots of questions. Beginning of a process. Good to gain perspectives.

It's been 6 months since my dad died last week. 3 months since an other significant bereavement.

Whether the sibling who wants to sell needs the money is irrelevant. He/she could agree with most of the posters on here that keeping the house is a bad financial decision. (Btw, for pp, PoA no longer applies after death. It is the executor who makes decisions regarding the estate from then on and he/she is legally bound to see that the deceased's wishes are carried out.)

I'd also say it was a bad emotional decision because your happy memories of the house as a childhood home are of a time when your dfil was alive. It really won't feel like the same place without him and every time you visit you will be acutely aware of his absence.

I'm the executor of my aunt's estate. We can't sell her house because it's jointly owned with a friend who is still living there and has a lifelong right to residence. This is how it should be, but every time I visit it reopens old wounds.

With my parents' house, I found the house clearance more upsetting than the house sale. I'd go along with the pp who suggested getting a firm to put furniture in storage till you feel able to deal with it.

You need to get legal advice but I am pretty sure that the executor can force a sale and in all honesty that would seem to be the best thing to do. Unless you are very well off financially (which you obviously aren't) keeping an empty house for holidays doesn't seem at all sensible.

I would ask your sibling if they could delay the sale for a bit so that you have more time to sort out possessions and prepare yourself. Whatever you do, please try not to fall out with your siblings. This seems to happen so often when a parent dies (in my extended family anyway) and it would be the last thing your father would want.

op I have los a parent too so I feel for what you are going through. And I understand why you feel you don't want to let the house go. When you already feel you have lost so much and it's all so raw, any more can feel unbearable.

But looking from my perspective, as somebody who went through this years ago, memories are not stored in bricks and mortar, they are in your mind and those memories will be with you forever. In years to come would you want for you and your children to remember your dads house as an empty shell, without him in it and without any of what made it special? Or do you want to remember it as a place full of happiness and love and a place with your dad in it?

I think in time you may regret holding onto the house if you do so

Sorry - df not dfil.

I would suggest you and your siblings get round a table and agree a period of breathing space. Set a time to meet again be it weeks or months ahead.
I have lost 11 family members in the last 2 years. It's a total headfuck (excuse my language)
Take some time.
Sort out some counselling.
Be gentle with each other x

11! Cries, that's awful. I can imagine what s head guck that would be. My empathy and sympathy to you.

Thanks all.

So an independent Financial
Advisor is the way to go for advice then?

I agree that hanging on to the house for sentimental reasons and the odd holiday would be impractical.
I understand why you feel as you do, but ultimately I would be looking to sell like your brother is.

I lost my dear mum ten years ago so I do have some insight into this situation. I'm not without sympathy for how you feel, but I still think the house ought to be sold.

Thank you x

Ok. We've been in this situation.
It's very hard when emotions are raw and the sense of loss is almost overwhelming.

First thing to remember the executor has a duty under the law to wind up and distribute the estate.
Council tax exemption on a deceased property only lasts for a few months in most council areas, although they may extend it in certain circumstances. But that is money that someone has to pay, the executor has to limit the amount of expenses charged to the estate.
Next thing to do is find out the value of the house and see if you can afford to buy it because that is essentially what you would be doing buying the house less your third.
When FIL died DH agreed a price with his sibling, agreed that would come out his share of the estate, informed the solicitor and therefore inherited a rather rundown place.
Until we could get it done up we still had to pay council tax, keep heating it during the winter to stop frozen pipes, find insurance.
The insurance on an empty place can be tricky, we had to agree that at least once a week someone would go in and check, keep a written record of that and the letterbox was to be sealed. We had to buy a postbox to put on the fence.
Would you want to keep phone, broadband, tv connected?
Is there a garden needing tended?
So think about whether you can afford to run what is essentially mostly empty holiday home.
In our case DH had the place refurbished and now 2 of our adult DC are currently living there as it's closer to their university.

It can be very difficult to let go
When MIL died ( divorced from FIL ) she was actually living in a HA adapted house. They gave us no mourning time, wanted the house back ASAP and charged the estate rent from the moment of MILs death. DH was distraught and couldnt bring himself to clear the house so myself and DCs boxed and stored as much as we could to look through later. It was draining emotionally and physically.
We could have got a house clearing firm in but the thought of strangers going through everything was too much to bear.

It is never easy dealing with a loved ones death and the clearing of their estate. Memories good and bad catch you when you least want.

Try talking to your siblings and find out what is possible. See if there is a share of money coming to the estate from bank accounts, insurance etc etc that you could use to buy out the others share of the house ( thats how DH did it )

Interesting! I am the executor if my fathers will. He died earlier this year. He left the estate equally to us siblings. It's my 'job' to get as much as I can for the estate and to divide it up between us as per his wishes. One of my sub,Kings thinks I'm doing it wrong. Doesn't like solicitor I am using, unhappy with price I accepted for property, the way I had the house cleared. But I just battle on because he asked me to do it, knew I am pragmatic not emotional about 'stuff' and what she is really unhappy about is the fact he is dead. But nothing will stop him being dead.

Definitely speak to a local letting agent to examine the local market. A mortgage advisor can get you the best sort of deal if letting it out is what you want to do.

Another option is running it as a holiday let - at least that way you can get some use out of it yourself.

I'm sure the executor would rather sell it to family than sell on the open market - you just need to agree a fair market value. But as the will didn't state that the house as an asset should be transferred to the beneficiaries the executor is entitled to sell it and distribute the proceeds.

Here is a link to a Citizens Advice page. It gives advice on how to get good financial advice :)

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/debt-and-money/getting-financial-advice/

Also, insurance on an empty house is huge, possibility of vandalism, burglary, squatters etc. It's daft - you need to either offer to buy out your siblings share or accept that your home is gone just like your dead parents. It's life. I am harsh but people stay in your heart not buildings. Sorting out 86 years worth of underpants and socks was not the highlight of my year

I have no idea whether there was money as well as the house and contents. Sibling who is now executor had POA before he died and had dealt with all that for years. I almost feel nosey for asking. Weird

But as stayed up thread, the executor has the legal duty to sell the house. You can buy it but it has to be sold unless all of you want to keep it

Is there any time scale legally imposed On the executor! Or can that be reasonably expected to be decided by agreement of the beneficiaries? Or can the executor decide the timescale without discussion?