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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask you when moved in together with your DP?

145 replies

Inneedofadvice553 · 29/09/2015 14:03

My DP and I have been together for three years. Still living separately and only see each other at weekends and sometimes one night during the week. DP controls this as I have a DS from previous marriage.

Frankly I think we should have progressed and now be living together but have been advised that some people wait years to live together.

so can I ask how long did you wait to move in with your dp?
(to note my EXH and I waited a year)

OP posts:
chairmeoh · 29/09/2015 14:05

DP accidentally moved in with me after 8 months. But we didn't have children at that point and he kept his own flat (rented it out).

Scobberlotcher · 29/09/2015 14:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WutheringFrights · 29/09/2015 14:06

2 weeks!
Been together 10 years now [Grin]

Bluecarrot · 29/09/2015 14:07

About 15 months. It was a long-ish distance relationship so we only saw each other once a week or less up til then. I also had a child already.
Honestly, we didn't discuss the finer details of living together and we are less compatible than we thought. But since we got pregnant right away its made things a bit trickier.

What does your DP thinking should do?

TheBunnyOfDoom · 29/09/2015 14:08

Four months.

Sounds to me like he doesn't want to become a step-parent, and feels like he would have to take on that role if he moves in with you?

Groovee · 29/09/2015 14:09

Met Dh in the March, lived together at his parents from September until November when we bought our own house.

Lottapianos · 29/09/2015 14:09

Just over 3 years. There's some speedy people on this thread! It's one of those questions that no-one else can answer for you OP - there's no one right answer for everyone. Forget 'should' and think about what you want to happen. Have you discussed what your DP wants too?

Crosbybeach · 29/09/2015 14:09

About 2 years, I didn't want to give up my independence to move in with him and his kids (shared residency). TBH wish I'd waited longer! Love him and all but its been a rollercoaster.

Scobberlotcher · 29/09/2015 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DextersMistress · 29/09/2015 14:10

Immediately. Longest one night stand I've ever had Grin

We're 9 years and 2 dc on.

MascaraAndConverse · 29/09/2015 14:10

10 months

Scobberlotcher · 29/09/2015 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jingscrivvens · 29/09/2015 14:12

8 years!

Was going to be sooner but needed to sell my flat and the market crashed so decided to wait until things got a bit better to sell. Then I got ill and held us back another 6 months.

I still sometimes miss my own space but then we had sprogs so no time to think about that now Wink

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 29/09/2015 14:13

We never lived together. We did get married and live together after 3 years though.

EponasWildDaughter · 29/09/2015 14:13

2 years.

I had 3 children who i needed to think of and it was a bit of a long distance relationship. He relocated to be with me and we've been together 9 years now :)

HellKitty · 29/09/2015 14:13

Just under two years, I had DCs to consider or we'd have done it sooner.

Why does your DP control when he sees you due to your DS?

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 29/09/2015 14:13

We were 5 years - but with uni in between in different cities.

Tiggeryoubastard · 29/09/2015 14:13

6 years. We knew we would eventually, we were very commutted to each orher, knew it was 'the one' but we accepted that we both liked our own space, having spent a lot of our adult lives living alone. Myself as exh was away a lot during the marriage and he'd been divorced or separated for over 6 years by the time we got together. We also both had teenage children living with us and preferred it that way for them. I really don't understand why people with children rush it (ok, I accept we wauted a long time) I'd rather do it when it was right than when I thought it was long enough. And if one isn't convinced, then it's not the right time.

AsTimeGoesBy · 29/09/2015 14:13

A year or so. He was given notice to move out of a rental and moved into my house, we never put his name on the deeds or anything but got married a couple of years later and moved house after that.

wintersdawn · 29/09/2015 14:14

9 months but housing situations pushed it, my flat share was ending and he found somewhere he wanted to buy having been already looking before we met, so we took the plunge and bought. In truth if the housing hadn't pushed us we'd have waited longer, it was one hell of a ride for the first couple of months.

Original poster
Inneedofadvice553 · 29/09/2015 14:15

I think he is afraid of being a step parent too, he claims it is "a huge change" for him and "not something to decide overnight"

I have said I would like to be living together this time next year.

I honestly don't know at the moment if the relationship will survive. The controlling nature of him coming over and me not being able to visit him much means there is a always a power game which leads me to feeling trapped

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 29/09/2015 14:15

About a year.

Tiggeryoubastard · 29/09/2015 14:16

Also meant to say, moving in together for us was due to our big commitment. Neither of us would have lived with someone if we didn't think it was a forever relationship. Some seem to treat it as just something you do, after so long.

TattyDevine · 29/09/2015 14:16

Moved in after 3 months, engaged at 6 months, married by one year and still married 15 years later.

For us it was a case of when you know, you know.

NickyEds · 29/09/2015 14:16

2.5 years, we met at Uni and moved straight in together when we graduated. We lived in a little shit hole but loved every minute!