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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

3 children in 3 bed house

152 replies

marzipancustard · 28/09/2015 14:51

I'm asking for other opinions as my sister is doing my head in! We're planning on having 2/3 children in the future & currently live in a 3 bed. My sister has a v large 4 bed detached and plans to have 2 little ones. She keeps telling me (in a very patronising way) that if we have 3 children we'll have to move to a 4 bed because it would be cruel to make 2 children share?

This is total BS, right? We shared a room growing up and I'm sure loads of kids do, don't they? Is it cruel making them share?

OP posts:
fiverabbits · 28/09/2015 21:08

I shared a bedroom with my 3 sisters and my D bro had the box room. I shared a double bed with a sister until I got married at 20. I have been married 43 years and still share a bed with my DH so I have never had a BED to myself never mind a bedroom.

persepolis123 · 28/09/2015 21:21

We have 2 DC (boy and girl) in a 2 bed house. We are planning a third and in a couple of years will likely move somewhere bigger. However the most we could afford is a 3 bed so the two boys/girls will have to share. If when they are older it becomes unbearable and they are unable to continue sharing I would be happy to sleep on a sofabed downstairs so they can each have a room.

goblinhat · 28/09/2015 21:28

I would be happy to sleep on a sofabed downstairs so they can each have a room.

I would rather not have the third child id space is so cramped.

Artandco · 28/09/2015 21:29

Goblin - we only have 1 bedroom. Would you say we shouldn't have had any children?

CobblerBob · 28/09/2015 21:30

Well... My granny grew up in a two room tenement flat and there were 9 of them plus the parents! I can hear her hooting with laughter at your sister!

My son is 12 and has his own room yet chooses to sleep in the lower bunk of his 10 year old sister's room. He likes the company!

HeadDreamer · 28/09/2015 21:32

goblin is just saying that's what she would do. She didn't say persepolis shouldn't have a third.

I would have stopped at 2 as well if I was going to have to sleep in a sofa bed downstairs.

SWFARMER · 28/09/2015 21:35

My OH parents had 3 bed house and 3 children. My OH and his brother who had just over a year between them shared rooms until we bought a house! (20 and 21 years old they were)

goblinhat · 28/09/2015 21:37

artandco- it's not my place to tell you what you should be doing.

If I was in a one bedroomed house I would not have a child though. I would wait until I had a bigger place.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 28/09/2015 21:37

What will you do when they are teenagers Art?

BlueBlueBelles · 28/09/2015 21:38

I moved from a three bed house to a two bed house, when I already had two children. Both same sex, they share a room. We got a nicer house in a nicer area for the same money because it had less bedrooms. If they don't like it as they grow I will divide the lounge diner for me and they can have a room each. Or we may move anyway to live with DP.

I grew up with two siblings. Being the middle child I always shared. Until one of us moved out, I was 16. Meh.

This needing a room each stuff is a luxury not a necessity.

goblinhat · 28/09/2015 21:45

This needing a room each stuff is a luxury not a necessity.

I agree- although it is a pleasant luxury

And given that we can choose to limit our family size to fit our home then that seems a more comfortable option.

And one I would choose rather than sleeping permanently on a sofa in the living room.

parrotsummer · 28/09/2015 22:04

I'll stick my neck out and say I think four people in one bedroom seems utterly ridiculous to me and bordering on Dickensian like conditions.

I will retract my comments at once if the children are 6 month old twins!

At present I live in a 1 bed flat with one child. This is due to a complex set of circumstances as I do own a 3 bed house elsewhere but am rather reliant on the rent from that. If I had to I could sleep in the lounge and DC have the one bedroom but i will be buying a bigger home for the two of us before she starts school.

persepolis123 · 28/09/2015 22:06

You would prioritise a comfortable life and more space goblin. I prioritise having a third child even if they have to share a room or I sleep on a sofabed for a few years or we divide a larger room into two. It's not a big deal to me.

parrotsummer · 28/09/2015 22:07

Or prioritise her existing children is the other way of looking at it.

DixieNormas · 28/09/2015 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

persepolis123 · 28/09/2015 22:14

Prioritising what you see as a 'better' lifestyle for them yes.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 28/09/2015 22:17

We had 3DC in a two bed cottage. Moved to a four bed house. Two of them - different sexes - insist on sharing and the other complains she's lonely Grin

parrotsummer · 28/09/2015 22:18

Sometimes, there can be just a hint of 'well, you choose space and Home Beautiful; we chose children because material things Aren't Important.'

I occasionally toy with having a second child using donated sperm but I can't afford it and that's that.

That's prioritising my existing child. I imagine goblin is the same.

It is true that the same things aren't important to all of us but I do think personal space is a biggie and personally I don't think it's quite on to dismiss it with 'children all over the world share.' It can be a rotten experience and even kids who get on would often like to have somewhere private and that they can call theirs.

Artandco · 28/09/2015 22:28

Goblin - but that could be years away. We have already lived here 8 years, and moving soon doesn't look likely.

I can't see how the amount of bedroom is seen as a good or bad life. We live in a 1 bed, in central London, with everything on out doorstep. Children can choose to do 101 things each day. In comparison we could live in a 5 bed but that would be in the middle of nowhere with little to do. That sounds worse not better to me

Through - When they become teenagers, well we will see then. They are happy so far

Parrot - Dickenson is laughable. It's a one bed flat sure, but ultra modern and spacious. They are hardly being dragged up in a box with gruel.

How much space also depends on lifestyle surely. We work most the week, eat out a fair bit, spend weekends outside or going somewhere and doing something 99% of the time. So home is basically for sleeping, eating, washing, odd bit of downtime. We would never spend say a whole weekend at home doing nothing.

Lucyannieamy · 28/09/2015 22:28

We have a 3 bed house and 2 children, ages 5 & 2 who share a bedroom. Have already bought bunk beds in waiting - they will be sharing their bedroom for a while. I like that they share, and we prefer to keep the box room as a guest room/ office.

Have you thought about converting the loft - about £40k we've been quoted, which we will do by time we need it. Which could be sooner if we go for baby#3

persepolis123 · 28/09/2015 22:36

It's not always that black and white parrot. I agree that especially when they get to teenage years it can be very important to have your own space. I'm hoping two of ours will be happy to share but will have contingency plans in case they don't. One thing we will consider when moving is finding somewhere with an extra reception room which could be used as a bedroom later on or one with a large master bedroom which can be turned into two rooms or perhaps somewhere with space to extend if need be.

We can afford to provide for three children in every other way but moving straight into a four bed house isn't an option unfortunately. I won't forgo an opportunity to have a third child just because we can't immediately give them a bedroom each. I think I would really regret it if a short term problem was the sole basis for making such a big decision.

I appreciate others may think differently and it wouldn't be for them.

totalrecall1 · 28/09/2015 23:01

You can have as many kids as you want in as little rooms as you want, there are a lot worse things in the world!. That said I personally am firmly in the one child per room camp. I think kids need their space particulary in their teens, and bearing in mind how long kids live at home nowadays I can't imagine that sharing a room in your late teens or early twenties is much fun, particulary if the sibling is a fair bit younger. I personally would have hated sharing my room, and I think my kids would too. I am at my maximum quota now of one per room. If I was to have another child I would build on another bedroom or move. I wouldn't expect them to share

Greengardenpixie · 28/09/2015 23:06

Absolute tosh.
I shared a bedroom with my gran.
My brothers shared with each other.
My dh lived in a house where they all bunked up.
Absolute nonsense.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 28/09/2015 23:21

This needing a room each stuff is a luxury not a necessity.

I totally agree. I grew up 1 of 4 children in a 3 bedroom house. We're all fine Smile

I've got 3 dcs and at the moment we live in 3 bedroom house. They are fine, they have always shared, they never disturb each other (they get used to it when it's normal and sleep through all sorts). I do allow quiet time in our room if anyone needs to escape - usually reading so that's no bother. We might move next year - hopefully to a 4 bed - but dc3 said the other day that it might be lonely to sleep on your own Smile

BlackeyedSusan · 28/09/2015 23:24

some of you are awful, not only do you make them share a room, you made then share a uterus as well... ffs.

your sister is being nasty, rubbing in her perceived success over yours. she has a funny way of measuring success as she is not doing well on the kindness non bitchy scale.

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