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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

3 children in 3 bed house

152 replies

marzipancustard · 28/09/2015 14:51

I'm asking for other opinions as my sister is doing my head in! We're planning on having 2/3 children in the future & currently live in a 3 bed. My sister has a v large 4 bed detached and plans to have 2 little ones. She keeps telling me (in a very patronising way) that if we have 3 children we'll have to move to a 4 bed because it would be cruel to make 2 children share?

This is total BS, right? We shared a room growing up and I'm sure loads of kids do, don't they? Is it cruel making them share?

OP posts:

m0therofdragons · 28/09/2015 16:45

I had my own room growing up but often shared with my brother through choice. We now have 3dc in a 3 bed house. Wasnt the plan but pg 2 was twins. Often dd1 wants to share with her sisters and we are considering an aupair for the summer holidays so all 3 would be in one room with aupair in dd1's room. I agree they need space so we added a room to the downstairs so they can spread out and if one needed quiet time she could go to our bedroom on the top floor and watch TV. I think it depends a bit on age gaps and space down stairs but you make do with what you have. An extra bedroom would be good but when we looked we actually ended up with smaller rooms so we decided to stay here and have nice holidays.

GladysTheGolem · 28/09/2015 16:45

We have 3 in a 2 bed house (all under 4, will be putting on an extension in 5 years).

She's being a twat.

If we had an extra bedroom, dh and I would probably sleep separately, he's a shift worker and it would be less disruptive!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 28/09/2015 16:45

I would have hated sharing a room with my sister as a child, so I wouldn't want my children to share either, unless they really wanted to, so I agree with your DSis.

Having said that, I don't think its anything to do with your sister what arrangements happen in your house, and although I agree with her, it's a quiet agreement that I wouldn't vocalise, it's nothing to do with me or her what you plan.

diddl · 28/09/2015 16:50

Well I think she's silly to say that it's cruel, but I never wanted to share & neither did mine.

But where someone elses kids sleep isn't up to her!

I'm not sure thatshe deserves to be called a twat!

HeadDreamer · 28/09/2015 16:54

marzipancustard Especially because we probably won't be able to afford to move to a bigger house anytime soon & she knows that!

Hence why she should keep her mouth shut. I know private schools are better for my two. But I can't afford it. I would appreciate if my sister not banging on about the virtues of private schools. (I don't have a sister and my brother isn't interested in anything to do with children. It's hypothetical). You should just tell her to stop being ridiculous.

onecurrantbun1 · 28/09/2015 16:57

Obviously it's not cruel but she isn't wrong either. It's just a matter of opinion. Personally my kids having the ability to have their own bedrooms as they reach teenage years is important even if they choose to share. I always had my own room and it's something I valued and would want for my own children.

Additionally it depends on the amount of living space, if bedrooms are literally for sleeping in and there's a playroom or large garden then it's not so much hassle.

herethereandeverywhere · 28/09/2015 17:03

I know loads of families with 4,5 even 6 bed houses and all the kids share the same room! They love it.

I shared a box room with my brother until I was about 12. I was asleep the vast majority of the time so it didn't really matter!

lemonade30 · 28/09/2015 17:07

We have a three bed house but its three double bedrooms. My boys aged three and nine share, as do my girls aged two and six.

We considered moving this summer to a four bed so that my eldest DS could have his own room but he insisted he wants to share with his little brother.

We will move to a four bed in the next few years I suppose but the land is for the girls to always share.

I grew up an only child in a huge five bed house. It was unspeakably lonely and I can see why my children choose to share.
Some weekends the all have sleepovers in either the girls or boys room.

I don't think you're being at all unreasonable. It's normal for children to share isn't It?

diddl · 28/09/2015 17:11

I can't imagine not having my own space to go to & a quiet place where I could do homework.

My kids have a room each & have slept together when they wanted to but they're teens now & I couldn't see sharing working very well now.

IdaClair · 28/09/2015 17:12

Not sure why the sex of the children is so important especially when young,privacy is important when older for most of course, but that doesn't depend on sex, that would apply regardless of sexes.

MisForMumNotMaid · 28/09/2015 17:15

I think its important for children to have private space and private time. That comes with respecting each other and can be taught. Respect for privacy is an essential life skill.

Private space can be a shed/ playhouse, own desk, small corner of a room, big box for personal things, time when the tv remote is theirs and they can veg out undisturbed infront of their choice of programme. It doesn't need to be a room to themselves.

If having your own room is an essential life thing how would anyone stay as a couple? I don't know of many couples with own rooms (maybe my dads shed would count?).

Junosmum · 28/09/2015 17:16

My friend has a 4 bed, and is expecting DC3, they are umming and ahhing over keeping the 4th room as a study guest room. The 2 boys decided it for them when they requested bunk beds! No cruel at all. It was however cruel to make me and my sister share, we hated each other, there was a large age gap and she's a dirty so and so! (and I may or may not be a clean freak)

goblinhat · 28/09/2015 17:23

My kids shared a bedroom when they were younger and we lived in a smaller house.

Life is easier for all of us now that the kids have their own rooms, the house is much more harmonious.
We have two kids and have a 5 bedroomed house.

ouryve · 28/09/2015 17:25

Kids sharing is probably more usual than kids not having to share.

Your sister is talking rot. Did she get lumbered with the box room, growing up, or something? :o

buntingbingo · 28/09/2015 17:27

3 dc in two bed flat here. Not ideal but what terrible things are going to happen to them?
We just go out alot

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 28/09/2015 17:27

I wouldn't, but mine can't share which is the reason. I can't see that it will cause most families any long term harm, though there will probably be the odd pitched sibling turf war from time to time:o

00100001 · 28/09/2015 17:30

What nonsense. Kids are sharing rooms all over the UK and world!

In fact the western world is a bit of an oddity with this obsession for having your own room for kids

coffeeisnectar · 28/09/2015 17:31

What does she think bunk beds are for?

Alfieisnoisy · 28/09/2015 17:31

It can be done, we were four children in a three bed house when I was a child. My sister and I shared. My brothers shared once my youngest brother was ready for a bed.
It was normal and we didn't miss out on not having our own "space". It's amazing how you can divide a bedroom when there's two of you in there.
One by one we grew up and left until it was just Mum and Dad there. At that point they downsized and moved.
I have a friend with two girls in a two bed house which is a nightmare as the oldest has ASD. They are on the HA waiting list for a three bed on medical grounds and by God they need it.

DarkPhoenix · 28/09/2015 17:32

We had three rooms and four kids. Three girls in one, boy in the box. It was fine. Not ideal, but we're all alive and well.

shutupanddance · 28/09/2015 17:34

I have 4 dcs in a 4 bed. It is not cruel for them to share.

Bambambini · 28/09/2015 17:34

As many kids (including mine) preferred to share when little even when we had spare bedrooms - you could sad face her about how it's s shame hers will be all alone.

parrotsummer · 28/09/2015 17:35

I wouldn't have more children than bedrooms personally but that's a personal choice.

IJustLostTheGame · 28/09/2015 17:37

I hated sharing a bedroom with my sister.

I loved it when my parents moved and I had my own room.

HippyChickMama · 28/09/2015 17:39

I shared a room from age 2 to age 20 when I left home, we survived. We now have ds (8) and dd (2) and only two bedrooms, ds has own room and dd is still in a cot in our room, she's a wilful little bugger nowhere near ready to graduate to a bed yet but when she is they will have bunk beds until we can move. There are children that live in houses with no heating, damp walls and filthy bedding. I hardly think sharing a bedroom is the worst thing in the world.

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