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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

3 children in 3 bed house

152 replies

marzipancustard · 28/09/2015 14:51

I'm asking for other opinions as my sister is doing my head in! We're planning on having 2/3 children in the future & currently live in a 3 bed. My sister has a v large 4 bed detached and plans to have 2 little ones. She keeps telling me (in a very patronising way) that if we have 3 children we'll have to move to a 4 bed because it would be cruel to make 2 children share?

This is total BS, right? We shared a room growing up and I'm sure loads of kids do, don't they? Is it cruel making them share?

OP posts:
Bambambini · 28/09/2015 17:40

"It was however cruel to make me and my sister share, we hated each other, there was a large age gap and she's a dirty so and so! (and I may or may not be a clean freak)"

Are you my sister - only we had to share a double bed when teenagers and fought if one of us stuck a toe over the middle line. Also had to share a bed with any visiting females - grannies, cousins, aunties!

goblinhat · 28/09/2015 17:44

I hated sharing a room with my sister.

NerrSnerr · 28/09/2015 17:44

I would have hated sharing as a teen as I really valued having my own space and my sister and I didn't like each other as teenagers. To be honest I hate sharing rooms with anyone other than my husband or child. We have chosen not to have more people than rooms in the house but that's our own choice. It think it depends on their personality.

PastaLaFeasta · 28/09/2015 17:46

I love that some are claiming it's just a matter of opinion. I'm sure everyone would like to have the choice but it's not always possible. Ideally I'd like separate rooms for everyone, plus a guest room, playroom and home office with en suites all round, but it is not going to happen. Most kids will be fine and some with thrive, although there may be a point it becomes more difficult. However, needs must and we have to suck it up or restrict how many children we have to how many bedrooms we can afford. Luckily we have two girls less than two years apart and they love sharing, I wonder if it has helped them become closer in fact. We are hoping an extension is possible but we may keep them sharing until they need their own space and will enjoy two living areas instead. The sacrifice of them having to share is offset by an outstanding school, much better employment opportunities and the capital city being on our door step. Plus a small mortgage so we never have to go without treats and still save plenty. Oh and less cleaning/tidying.

I would draw a line at having a third in a two bed unless the rooms were very large. My mum was in a three bed - third a box room - with seven children. It must be a very recent thing to expect each child to have its own bedroom and I suspect it's a thing of the past for many now and in the future :(

BoskyCat · 28/09/2015 17:47

I would actually love my own room and do find it difficult sharing with DP (smallish room, and he's messy and I'm not). I prioritise the DC having their own because they didn't choose who they get to be in a family with and I did! But one day I hope to have a room of my own with my own stuff in, that I could keep tidy and retreat to to do hobbies and stuff.

LittleMissStubborn · 28/09/2015 17:47

We have 3 in a 3 bed and it is OK, but I still wish we had a 4th bedroom esp as I have a 6yr gap between the girls. Last night my eldest (9) was writing her Christmas list starting early and she said to me 'the thing I really want I can't have' and it was her own room.

It will have to be OK, long term we could convert the garage if really needed.

It's not cruel, but in some respects it isn't ideal either.

But as for 'what bunk beds are for' when we were looking for ours they were very much being sold as a sleepover arrangement.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 28/09/2015 17:47

I think it helps children to share a room if possible, however briefly.

I shared with my best friend after her Mum threw her out and my Mum took her in. I'd always had my own room and did find it a bit of a challenge.

When I shared a room with dh a few years later, I was shocked at how little respect he had for the space we shared. It still bothers me now as he hasn't changed much, I think he missed a critical period for acquiring sharing skills!

I have 3 dc in a 3 bed, the ds's shared and DD has the smaller room, but they have 'sleepovers' at the weekend and all fall asleep on the top bunk bed. They are all close in age and get along though, it may be different if they didn't.

Your dsis sounds like she's doing this to be nasty as she knows you can't afford a 4 bed, she's decided you should have fewer children than her instead.
Next time she brings it up, pat her hand patronisingly and say, 'It's OK, I'm going to bring my children up to share everything.'

She should soon get the message that you aren't going to changes your life plans based on her ideal child raising scenario.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 28/09/2015 17:52

No of course it's not. Lots of children share and it doesn't harm them. We were four children in a three bed house and we have all turned out fine. Only on mumsnet do I hear rubbish like this!

RueDeWakening · 28/09/2015 18:21

We have more bedrooms than children, the boys (5 & 2) still share a room, their sister (8) has her own.

GreatFuckability · 28/09/2015 18:25

This is the definition of what the kids call a first world problem. It's not cruel to have to share a safe, warm, clean room with your sibling. Your sister needs to get the fuck over herself.

GreatFuckability · 28/09/2015 18:29

I shared with my sister who was 10 years younger at my mums and at my dads I shared with 2 of my step siblings who were 1 and 3 years older. At my grandparents I had my own room but didn't sleep in it until I was 12/13 cos I prefered to share with my brother.

Artandco · 28/09/2015 18:29

Our children must be ruined! They share our one bedroom with us their parents! You know what, they couldn't care less. We don't have any other bedrooms they could use anyway so it's not an option to not share.

Grazia1984 · 28/09/2015 18:32

I can hardly believe this thread! How rich and entitled have we become when we think each child needs a room. In some cultures it is regarded as almost child abuse not to sleep next to your child.

My teenagers share (even though there's a spare room now their sisters have left).

Ragwort · 28/09/2015 18:40

Of course it doesn't matter ............... but personally I love my own space and don't even share a bedroom with my DH (married nearly 30 years Grin) and I am grateful that our DS has his own room. But he never minds sharing when he has sleepovers or goes on school trips. I recognise we are incredibly lucky to be a family of three in a five bedroom house. Blush.

WeirdCatLadySaysFuckOffJeffrey · 28/09/2015 18:48

I don't think it's cruel but I would prefer to avoid it. I had to share with my older sister and I hated every single minute of it. Mind you, she was a fucking bitch.

Owllady · 28/09/2015 18:50

She is nbu. One will have to live with her :o

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 28/09/2015 19:29

Im due number three soon. My mother also said I was cruel for making the kids share.
Meh.

onecurrantbun1 · 28/09/2015 19:40

Obviously love and support and laughter and kindness are more important but I still think one's own bedroom is a definite bonus. It is just a matter of opinion: we would not have had 3 children unless we were fairly certain we could afford for them to have their own rooms once they were out of their very early years (perhaps 8 plus)

I accept that this is largely due to the fact that we are lucky enough to live in an area where the average couple can buy a 3-bed semiin an average area in their mid to late twenties. Of course my experience has been coloured by that - we simply didn't have friends who shared rooms with siblings unless they were from a larger family and so sharing a room, certainly into the teens, just didn't really happen. We are not posh but it is the reality of where we live.

toomuchtooold · 28/09/2015 19:47

Tell your sister we have a fecking enormous 5 bed detached house somewhere very cheap and our 3.5 yo non-identical twin girls still share a room out of choice Smile.

Frusso · 28/09/2015 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thegiddylimit · 28/09/2015 19:53

It is funny how weird some people are about siblings sharing. I shared a bedroom with my brother until I was 8. Missed him when I had a room of my own.

We live in a 3 bedroomed house and the DC (all three of them of different sexes) all share the big bedroom. The DDs often share a bed through choice. The third bedroom is a study/spare room. We want to move to a bigger house but a) we live in a cheap area and b) we have no family close by so are considering an au pair to make childcare a bit easier.

thegiddylimit · 28/09/2015 19:54

I don't actually have children of 3 different sexes, I'd have to be in the Daily Fail if that was the case.

Thefuckinggrinch · 28/09/2015 19:58

We have 3 DCs in a 3 bed house. When we moved here both DDs were really upset. We finally got it out of them that they were sad because they thought they weren't going to be able to share a room anymore. Eldest is 11 now and although they still fight occasionally if one is away (school residential or similar) the other one HATES it. They STILl have bunks as well. I keep mentioning normnal beds but they are very resistant to the idea!

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 28/09/2015 20:38

Well it is a choice in a lot of cases, as you generally choose how many children you have (obviously I know this isn't always the case).
We're in a 3 bed with 2 DD's, 22 months and 12 weeks. DD2 is still in our room at the moment but when she goes in her own room she won't be sharing with DD1. If they ask to share when they're older then fine, otherwise I'd prefer to give them their own space. I never shared as a child (4 bed, 2 DC) and know I would have hated it! My room was my sanctuary.

MrsKoala · 28/09/2015 20:52

It would be cruel on me if my dc shared. At the moment they are 3 and 1 and I cannot imagine them ever being able to share. The 1 year old wakes every hour and the 3 year has (what we suspect is) childhood asthma and coughs all night. The 1 year old wakes at a mouse fart and the 3 year old talks loudly. At the moment we are all in 1 room (me, dh and the boys) and it's hellish. When we have 2 bedrooms dh and I would rather have a room each and pair with one of the boys! We were planning on having them share but it looks like it is going to be pretty hellish if they do, so will only have a 3rd dc if we can have a loft conversion and everyone get a room each (including my snoring DH).