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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not invite my sister for Christmas, knowing she will spend it alone

151 replies

eedon · 28/09/2015 09:26

I want to just have Christmas just with my own family and people I want around. My sister unfortunately I don't get on well with an no one wants her around, just brings a bad atmosphere with her. Without sounding like a bitch, its probably her own fault that her marriage broke down and she has no friends to spend Christmas with. Her attitude and the way she treats people is exactly why.

Aibu to not invite her? She probably will have a few pity invites and mine would just be another.

OP posts:
shutupanddance · 28/09/2015 09:28

Gosh I don't know. Its christmas, shes your sister. But then againConfused

pinkyredrose · 28/09/2015 09:30

Blimey! You couldn't make your contempt of her any clearer! Don't invite her, why would she want to be around someone who dislikes her so much.

CarriesBucketOfBlood · 28/09/2015 09:31

From the OP, I think YABU. Why is it her fault that her marriage has broken down and she has no friends? Unless she has hurt you personally, I think you should be extending a hand of friendship. It sounds like she will need it.

Having once spent a Christmas Day alone, I did find it intensely lonely. Anyone who was in a worse place than me psychologically could really be in some trouble, I imagine.

Without sounding like a bitch I really think you do sound like one, sadly.

Invite the woman.

Theycallmemellowjello · 28/09/2015 09:31

"I just want to have Christmas just with my own family"... errr.... if your sibling is not a family member, then who is? Do what you want, but I could never even think of doing this. My family Christmases have always been filled with the oddbods of the family - and long may this continue. If you don't reach out at Christmas then when do you? But I'm sure mn will support you - sometimes there is a real please yourself and fuck everyone else attitude here.

misscph1973 · 28/09/2015 09:32

It's a tricky one. I rarely celebrate Christmas with my mum because of our problems in the past. I feel guilty, but she has so much to answer for.

Is her divorce not long ago? Did you get on before?

I don't think you should invite her if you genuinely believe that she could ruin it. But perhaps it's worth talking to her about her attitude? If that's possible of course. She is probably deeply unhappy (?).

PaulAnkaTheDog · 28/09/2015 09:32

You sound nasty. Really nasty.

WizardOfToss · 28/09/2015 09:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PuppyMonkey · 28/09/2015 09:34

God bless us every one Wink

MissBattleaxe · 28/09/2015 09:35

Invite her and be lovely to her. If she's a cow and ruins it, don't invite her again. But there's a chance that your kindness will come back to you and she may be nice back.

OliviaBenson · 28/09/2015 09:35

Some harsh responses so far.

Yanbu. I get it- I have similar relationships with my own family members. I wouldn't bother inviting her- just do what you want. If you don't get on anyway, it may not be what she wants to do either.

Savagebeauty · 28/09/2015 09:36

I wouldn't.
No reason why you should get on even if she's your sister.
Why invite people who you don't like???

Savagebeauty · 28/09/2015 09:37

Grin puppy

Bellebella · 28/09/2015 09:37

Me and my sister are chalk and cheese but never would I leave her alone on Christmas. She is family, simple as that.

You might not want to sound like a bitch, but you do sound like one. Why is she alone? What has she done?

MidniteScribbler · 28/09/2015 09:37

I wouldn't want to spend Christmas with you.

LyndaNotLinda · 28/09/2015 09:41

Me neither Midnite - I'm sure your sister feels the same OP

Flingingmelon · 28/09/2015 09:41

It's one day in the whole year. If it means you don't get the Christmas you want, do all the stuff you think you missed out on on Boxing Day, safe in the knowledge that you invited your sister on Xmas day, so you can't be a bitch Wink

Original poster
eedon · 28/09/2015 09:42

No marriage breakdown was not recent.

Listen I'm not getting into the ins and outs of it, but I'm really not the bitch, I won't enter into a character assassination of her here. There is a reason why no one here wants her around and that she doesn't have any real friends to spend it with. That makes me sad, but the way she treats people it isn't surprising she's ended up like this.

OP posts:
Hellocampers · 28/09/2015 09:43

Mmm op I could have written your post.

My sister is rude, patronising, treats me like I am stupid and my kids and dh detest her. She will drink excessively, then get argumentative and shout at our parents who are deaf and mum has altzimers.

Clearly the posters above cannot understand that just because people are close family does not make them nice people or good company.

Op if you had said mil instead of your sister all the posters would be supporting you.

Mumsnet is a strange and prejudiced place sometimes.

reni2 · 28/09/2015 09:44

Are you a deeply religious Christian? If so, don't leave her alone on this important day. If you are not, surely Christmas isn't such a big deal and she can come? Maybe she would politely decline anyway and you're off the hook.

PuppyMonkey · 28/09/2015 09:45

Not getting into it here. Grin

Hellocampers · 28/09/2015 09:46

and it's not being a bitchto want to
Spend Christmas with people who are nice, friendly and don't spoil the day for you and your family.

My sister lives alone too since my lovely ex bil couldn't stand her any more and obviously for the same reason as the ops sister.

jeee · 28/09/2015 09:46

You don't like your sister, and you've decided not to invite her for Christmas - even though that means she'll be alone. And Christmas alone is... well, lonely.

Fine. So what on earth is the point of your post? Other than to assassinate your sister's character in an oblique manner?

liquidrevolution · 28/09/2015 09:49

is she looking for an invite. She may be happy to spend christmas alone my favourite dream is christmas alone with a bottle of baileys and selection pack

Spartak · 28/09/2015 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

nowahousewife · 28/09/2015 09:52

Totally get it OP, I have a brother who is exactly the same. In fact yesterday I decided to go NC with him, informed him and our DM that that's how it's going to be.

When I told DD she punched the air and said "great, does that mean I don't have to speak to him on Christmas Day?" She is a really sweet teenager who will always stick up for the underdog but even she has her limits. DH thinks it will be tough on my mother but after many years oh putting up with his misery, negativity and downright nastiness I've decided enough is enough.

This is the first time I have ever cut anyone out of my life but sometimes I guess we need to put our own needs and those of our immediate family first.

I guess like my bro your sister has had plenty of opportunities to be nice but has chosen not to. Sometimes you reap what you sow.