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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not invite my sister for Christmas, knowing she will spend it alone

151 replies

eedon · 28/09/2015 09:26

I want to just have Christmas just with my own family and people I want around. My sister unfortunately I don't get on well with an no one wants her around, just brings a bad atmosphere with her. Without sounding like a bitch, its probably her own fault that her marriage broke down and she has no friends to spend Christmas with. Her attitude and the way she treats people is exactly why.

Aibu to not invite her? She probably will have a few pity invites and mine would just be another.

OP posts:
lardyscouse · 28/09/2015 15:51

Nah, do it. I am the 'sister' in our family and I quite enjoy being alone.

Xenadog · 28/09/2015 15:52

If it was a close friend who was on their own I bet you'd invite them, wouldn't you OP? The red herring here is that it's your sister. I think no one should invite people to be with them for Christmas just because they are blood relatives. There's obviously a reason why your sister isn't welcome so don't invite her and don't feel bad about it either.

I've had Christmas Day on my own before and loved it. Your sister needs to know early on that you aren't inviting her so she can make her own arrangements. Who knows she might prefer a Christmas Day by herself?

BlackeyedSusan · 28/09/2015 15:56

behaviour has consequences. if she is miserable and unhappy it would be inkind not to invite her, but if she is bitchy and ungrateful then I would not bother. only youknow which is true. my mum is ill and is very hard work.. still do christmas with her... as she is ill. do limited time though to protect the rest of us.

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 28/09/2015 16:01

If you feel like yours would be just another pity invite, why are you so convinced she'd take you up on it. I feel sorry for her.

Could you invite her for christmas eve drinks, or just for an hour or two for lunch?

CloakAndJagger · 28/09/2015 16:14

just don't invite her. Saves the angst.

DinosaursRoar · 28/09/2015 16:37

In my experience, people who have noone who likes them, even though they have living family, they have had opportunities to make friends etc, generally are in that situation for good reasons.

Sometimes, it's a balance of who's feelings get hurt. The OP, her DH and her DCs will have their day ruined and feelings hurt if her sister is there, her sister will have her feelings hurt if she is alone on Christmas day. The question becomes, who's feelings do you prioritise?

I personally don't get on well with my mother, for the sake of family harmony, I invite them every other christmas (the other we spend with PIL, much to my mother's annoance as apparent daughters should spend christmas day with their mothers and mothers of sons should just be grateful for boxing day...). If her comments started to upset the DCs, however, I'd withdraw the invite, I can tolerate my Christmas day being a bit ruined, as long as the DCs christmas day isn't.

rumbleinthrjungle · 28/09/2015 16:49

Another one who will be 'that sister' in a couple of years - hope my sister never feels compelled to fit me into her family's plans whether she wants to or not, and will always be fine alone if that's what I've planned for. Christmas alone is not a disaster at all, you eat what you want, do what you want, go for an exotic break abroad and do your own thing or stay home where no one fights you for the remote.

SilentlyScreamingAgain · 28/09/2015 16:49

My mother was a great one for finding and bringing home strays, never thinking that the friendless were probably friendless for a reason. Some of our happiest family bonding moments were when these awful people left. Christmas can be fraught, having an outsider that you can all agree is terrible, can be very uniting. Eventually they go and you can crack open the gin, smug in the knowledge that you Did The Right Thing.

DangerousBeanz · 28/09/2015 16:57

I sympathise, I wouldn't invite my sister to spend Christmas with me even if I knew she was spending it sleeping in a shop doorway drinking drain water. She's a total nightmare, I've spent my whole life apologising for her behaviour and now her own children no longer speak to her. Don't feel guilty. Just have fun

Savagebeauty · 28/09/2015 17:49

If you're a miserable fucker who upsets people, you don't deserve to be invited anywhere.Grin
Christmas is all about family. Only if you have a nice bunch who will make it a great day with no angst.

Gottagetmoving · 28/09/2015 18:04

You seem to want people to tell you it's ok not to invite your sister to ease your guilt.
If you don't like your sister and don't get on then don't invite her. You don't need other people's approval. Only you know the real situation so asking others if yabu is just a waste of time.
You don't have to like your sister, whatever anyone else tells you!

BoskyCat · 28/09/2015 19:06

AIBU exists so that people can ask "am I being unreasonable?" and hear a range of opinions on what is normal and reasonable. That's really useful! Not many AIBU threads are totally unanimous, that doesn't mean it's pointless to ask. You get a range of views, that's the point. People do sometimes feel reassured and they do sometimes realise they are BU and have a think about it.

I might as well ask what is the point of coming on AIBU and whining "what's the point of asking that?" Because OP want to see what people think, is the point. She doesn't have to agree with everyone and indeed with a range of views that would be impossible wouldn't it.

Gottagetmoving · 28/09/2015 19:17

In this case Boskycat the OP seems to want reassurance. We don't know her or her sister so our opinions are not that valuable. All anyone can say is she should follow her own conscience not ours.

sproketmx · 28/09/2015 19:23

The other thing you could do is invite her and invite enough other people so you don't have to speak to her much.

KittyLovesPaintingOhYes · 28/09/2015 20:33

Oh god, now I'm dreading the annual week-long nightmare of having my sister squatting like a giant toad in the middle of the house, sodcasting round the clock, contributing fuck all and generally being oblivious to how miserable she makes me and dh. And I will have to pick her up - a 2hr round trip on Xmas eve when I have so much else to do, great. Seasons fucking greetings, everyone ??

Starkswillriseagain · 28/09/2015 21:07

I'd see her another day.

She'll ruin your day and you'll ruin hers. Not the funnest Christmas. Just have your family dinner, don't torture yourself.

Fratelli · 28/09/2015 21:17

Ugh you sound awful. If you can't put your differences aside for one day that's really poor. I don't know anyone who would leave a family member alone at Christmas.

Lemith · 28/09/2015 21:23

These people that end up alone usually need to take a close look in the mirror and understand why they don't have anyone in their life. Buy her a book on mindfulness and maybe invite her next year if she takes any of it on board. Family is a two way street.

GreatFuckability · 28/09/2015 21:25

I would rather stick rust encrusted pins in my eyeballs than spend Christmas with my mother, but I wouldn't start a post ln aibu to slag her off either.

ilovesooty · 28/09/2015 21:32

Cheers Lemith

As I said, my mother's in a care home and my sister's made it clear I'm not invited despite the fact I've never been there to cause trouble.
I'm fine on my own but thanks for the implication that I must somehow be to blame.

parrotsummer · 28/09/2015 22:06

These people who end up alone have generally lost people they cared about through bereavement and/or separation.

Friends are well and good but spending Christmas with them is odd. I wouldn't choose not.

parrotsummer · 28/09/2015 22:06

Choose it, sorry.

ilovesooty

Don't let such comments get under your skin. People just don't understand.

Shutthatdoor · 28/09/2015 22:10

These people that end up alone usually need to take a close look in the mirror and understand why they don't have anyone in their life.

Huge generalisation, and nasty post

Lemith · 28/09/2015 22:19

It is a generalisation but the OP was talking about someone who has no friends or family that want her around. The kind of people that have no friends or family that want to spend time with them there is almost always a reason why.

Obviously I'm not taking about someone that has no family through bereavement.

ilovesooty · 28/09/2015 22:24

So bereavement is the only acceptable reason not to have anyone at Christmas?

Keep digging.