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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Telling school about child's behaviour (out of uniform) at park?

164 replies

ParkLifeShit · 26/09/2015 22:25

Name change as I've told a couple of friends about this and have no idea whether they are on here!

Reception age child was extremely unpleasant at the park. Pushed DS (3) multiple times down a high slide (an enclosed one like a water slide). Each time DS asked him to not push this time and he said he wouldn't. Then as DS neared the mouth of the slide, he pushed him (both hands) again. Resulted in DS being badly winded, very upset and unable to stand straight for well over an hour.

It wasn't an accident, I watched him (and told him off as he repeatedly did it). I told his mother what had happened and that I'd had to tell him off (she was on the other side of the park). She didn't seem that interested and certainly didn't tell him off as I would have done but I guess that's her choice.

As an infant school teacher, I would actually value this kind of information and would use it to talk to the children about their behaviour both in and outside of school.

However, I'm 8 months pregnant and therefore perhaps over-reacting. My heart was breaking for my DS as he asked so nicely for the boy to not push and kept trying to use the slide. But he's my first so maybe I'm being PFB?

So WIBU to tell the school that the boy goes to or just chalk it up to a bad experience?

OP posts:

Stanky · 27/09/2015 06:34

Btw, I have no problem with telling off other people's dc, when their supervisor doesn't give a shit. I've witnessed 3 and 4 year old shoving babies who are barely sitting up. Pulling their hair and pulling them over. The parent doesn't say anything, but the kid looks so shocked and surprised when other people tell them off.

hazeyjane · 27/09/2015 06:42

If you have parents telling you about the behaviour of children in your class, when they are outside of school, and you are grateful when they do so - then I'm not sure why you asked on AIBU - you were the one there - surely if you think it is the best thing to do, then do it?

Neddyteddy · 27/09/2015 06:52

Well don't for stepping in. Sadly the mother was useless with her lazy passive parenting.

Obs2015 · 27/09/2015 07:15

I suspect the mum is oblivious to how her sons behaviour affects people.
But, I find the fact that you even originally considered, even considered it- the phoning school, utterly frightening.
Because that kind of ott PFB mentality, from a reception teacher, is what concerns me. Truly scares me, that I am the polar opposite to you.
It's all a bit too over zealous for my liking.

Kerberos · 27/09/2015 07:23

I think you've been given an unreasonably hard time here OP. I'm pleased your son is fine and I'd have dealt with it in a similar way if it had happened to me.

Pregnancy does have a way of making things seem horrendous but I suspect the school have spotted the behaviour of this child and it's parent already.

I do wonder how much of the mauling you got was late night and alcohol related. This thread shows some bad behaviour on the part of some posters on here.

Youarentkiddingme · 27/09/2015 07:26

I wouldn't contact the school. I'm surprised as an Infant teacher your're not already aware that friendships etc are covered by the early years curriculum.
Just because it's taught doesn't mean all children learn it. This boy has no reason to stop as there is no consequence.

In future the best thing to do it stand by your Ds and help him out.

BumpTheElephant · 27/09/2015 07:30

I think you're getting a bit of a hard time on here op.
The boys behaviour was terrible. I have 5 and 3 yr olds, neither have ever behaved anything like that. Most four yr old wouldn't. I'd be shocked if I had witnessed that behaviour.
Yanbu to feel the way you do but you've done all you reasonably can. Informing the school is not necessary and over the top.

SignoraStronza · 27/09/2015 07:38

YANBU to have told the child off. I'd have given him an utter bollocking actually. What is this MN aversion to telling off other people's children when they're doing something nasty, unkind or downright dangerous?
YABU to tell the school. I expect school has got the measure of him anyway.
FWIW, my friend's child was causing a bit of trouble on the local park. Another neighbour told him off, told his mum (we all get on quite well) and helped organise the clear up.

Someone else saw fit to contact the school, who just sent some aggressive texts about 'a group of children at the park yada yada' so, until the full story was established we were all left cross questioning our children and being wary of allowing them to play out.

We are one of the few villages to which the 'It takes a village...' expression still applies.

Notoedike · 27/09/2015 07:43

I think you have been attacked unreasonably on this thread OP. I hope your ds is ok.

hazeyjane · 27/09/2015 07:44

What is this MN aversion to telling off other people's children when they're doing something nasty, unkind or downright dangerous?

I only saw one poster saying that you shouldn't tell off other people's children.

Snowcoveredthoughtcage · 27/09/2015 08:05

People are being horrible on this thread. I can't see why!

Aeroflotgirl · 27/09/2015 08:07

Op you were right telling this boy off, that is fine, yes every right to tell the mother too, I hate this type of useless parenting, I would be mortified if my child did that to your ds, and apologise. Where you went wrong and admit it, is going to tell the school, that is unessary and uncalled for. I am glad you have not, that is a bit batty.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 27/09/2015 08:13

I like the way you became a teacher, nice twist but leaves a question about why you asked the question in the first place.

TwatByName · 27/09/2015 08:19

FFS this thread is ridiculous. Get grip people.

OP, glad your ds is ok.
yes ywbu with ringing the school. But have already said you're not going too now, So all good

Other mother is a waste of space.

OpheliaMoo · 27/09/2015 08:20

Jason her OP says ages a teacher doesn't it?

OpheliaMoo · 27/09/2015 08:21

*she's, not ages

And yes, what the fuck is wrong with some people on this thread?

Original poster

ParkLifeShit · 27/09/2015 08:22

Jason I think you'll find that I said in my OP 'As an infant school teacher'. I didn't become one, whatever it is you are insinuating. Report me if you have a problem with it.

I asked the question because, as this thread has so clearly shown, people have varied approaches to situations. Parents control and protect their children in different ways and teachers actually control classes in different ways.

In the same way a nurse told me she found it hard to be objective and completely panicked when her son broke his elbow, I wanted to see whether my wanting to tell the school was a reasonable reaction (as I'd have no problem with this) or whether I was over-reacting. Some teachers wouldn't want to know, I would. We are not one homogenous group.

The jury spoke last night. I said at 10.45 that I would be taking it no further. I see no reason why people have continued to pick apart my parenting, my teaching approaches and my general response to this incident with such vitriol. I genuinely didn't expect this but it's certainly been an education.

OP posts:

BastardGoDarkly · 27/09/2015 08:22

Jeeeeesus! I know this is AIBU. But such venom? Honestly.

Especially multivit who snarkily implied op should have sought medical attention, then when op confirmed she did, got stuck in for wasting NHS resources!?

Op, the feckless mother should have sorted her child out, you were not being hormonal to be upset at what happened. But yes, glad you've reconsidered the school thing :)

I'd recommend chat in future BTW!

Spartans · 27/09/2015 08:28

I don't have an aversion to telling other people's kids off. Especially if their parents aren't doing anything.

I do have an aversion to reporting it to a school when the child wasn't even in uniform and was with a parent.

I think it's uncalled for and puts the school in a bad position. What can they do? Schools should be speaking to pupils about their behaviour in general terms anyway.

Also if this child doesn behave like this in general then the school will be aware.

Gileswithachainsaw · 27/09/2015 08:30

only on MN would a person still be in the wrong for wanting kids held accountable for disgusting behaviour. Dd was nearly pushed off a frame in the park a few weeks back. parent not remotely watching the child.

I told him off too.

glad your ds is ok.

loving how there must be something wrong with him because he got hurt so badly.

I was badly winded once. I couldn't attend my ballet class as it still hurt and I couldn't stand comfortably

hazeyjane · 27/09/2015 08:32

Seeking opinions is a good thing, going onto AIBU to do it ( on a Sat night!!) never, ever, ever a good idea!!

The 'jury' here would have a nun flogged for eating a bun on Sunday! (god I have turned into my nan)

Original poster

ParkLifeShit · 27/09/2015 08:36

Hazey

It is a bit like dipping a toe in the pirhana pool. I'm on mat leave and have no social life so kind of missed the whole Sat night thing!

Lesson learned

OP posts:

spanisharmada · 27/09/2015 08:39

I think multivit must have been pissed, her posts had that sanctimonious ring of someone abit pissed

Jasonandyawegunorts · 27/09/2015 08:39

I didn't become one
yes at some point you did become a teacher.

LittleLionMansMummy · 27/09/2015 08:40

Yes the vipers have been out in force. Op the problem was with the little boy's mother. Unfortunately there are too many parents who are too busy chatting or texting or just plain don't give a damn to address their child's bad behaviour.

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