Telling school about child's behaviour (out of uniform) at park?

[ParkLifeShit]

Name change as I've told a couple of friends about this and have no idea whether they are on here!

Reception age child was extremely unpleasant at the park. Pushed DS (3) multiple times down a high slide (an enclosed one like a water slide). Each time DS asked him to not push this time and he said he wouldn't. Then as DS neared the mouth of the slide, he pushed him (both hands) again. Resulted in DS being badly winded, very upset and unable to stand straight for well over an hour.

It wasn't an accident, I watched him (and told him off as he repeatedly did it). I told his mother what had happened and that I'd had to tell him off (she was on the other side of the park). She didn't seem that interested and certainly didn't tell him off as I would have done but I guess that's her choice.

As an infant school teacher, I would actually value this kind of information and would use it to talk to the children about their behaviour both in and outside of school.

However, I'm 8 months pregnant and therefore perhaps over-reacting. My heart was breaking for my DS as he asked so nicely for the boy to not push and kept trying to use the slide. But he's my first so maybe I'm being PFB?

So WIBU to tell the school that the boy goes to or just chalk it up to a bad experience?

As DS left the slide after the first push, I said that I'm sure they wouldn't do it again in a voice loud enough for the boy to hear at the top of the slide and looked pointedly at him.

The second time he did it I said in no uncertain terms that if he didn't again I would have to go and talk to his mother, that pushing was extremely unkind, could hurt someone and that DS was simply trying to use the slide. I don't like telling children off outside of school, especially if their parents are nearby because I feel that they ought to be doing it.

After the third time I went straight to tell his mother what had happened and left the park shortly after.

No. The OP did.

If the meaning wasn't clear to you Permanently, why did you jump on it quite so much?

I'm surprised people on here aren't more surprised at the lack of discipline the boy received from his mother rather than picking on the fact that the OP was advised to go to minor injuries.

I said that I'm sure they wouldn't do it again in a voice loud enough for the boy to hear at the top of the slide and looked pointedly at him

Four-year-olds don't tend to get passive aggressiveness, as a rule.

In my experience multi they do. But clearly this one (and the ones you know), don't.

"I'm surprised people on here aren't more surprised at the lack of discipline the boy received from his mother rather than picking on the fact that the OP was advised to go to minor injuries*

I'm surprised that more people aren't advising the OP that it looks as though her child might have a serious underlying condition. Because "being unable to stand straight for well over an hour" after being pushed down a slide a couple of times is a serious red flag.

At the time I wrote my first post, the meaning was quite clear to me Huff. It may not be what the OP meant, or what Aeroflot believed it to mean, but for me the word 'as' in that sentence means at the time, and not 'because' which is what Aeroflot seems to be saying it meant. The OP hasn't confirmed either way.

Aww, PLS. You and your passive aggressive understanding four year olds! You in your world where a "pointed look" generally sorts it out! Bless.

Well that would be something a medical team would need to look into and not a person on a chat site but I could be wrong. Not that I'm sure the OP would even want to divulge that information with snippy strangers, there but something underlying there could be nothing.

It is sad that people aren't picking up that a parent happily let a child continue to behave in this way, children should be set examples

Bless indeed. My 12 plus years of teaching has led me to know nothing about children and their understanding. I'm sure you're quite the expert.

As you also appear to be in medicine! Well done you!

I'm sorry your little boy had a tough time this afternoon and I realise I'm not being very sympathetic when you've had a worrying day, but it now looks as though you just invited a 4 year old to test the boundaries and are upset that he did.

I said that I'm sure they wouldn't do it again in a voice loud enough for the boy to hear at the top of the slide and looked pointedly at him.

The second time he did it I said in no uncertain terms that if he didn't again I would have to go and talk to his mother, that pushing was extremely unkind, could hurt someone and that DS was simply trying to use the slide.

Of course it is entirely up to you how you deal with these situations but I would just say what I wanted to happen "NO! Do NOT push x down the slide". Clear, authoritative, no invitation to test boundaries.

I'm genuinely offering you advice although I don't suppose it will be seen like that. Ah well.

If a 4year old is pushing another child hard enough they can't stand straight for an hour, so therefore not just a case of forgetting manners, do you really think giving him dirty looks would solve his behaviour?

I also don't see why you didn't just encourage your ds to tell him in no uncertain terms to stop pushing, instead of standing about watching while your ds politely requested he didn't.

Just out of interest as you teach, how would your day go if it started with all 30 parents, and 30 children telling you about some minor playground scuffle? Followed by another 30 random members of the public reporting similar tales? Every time a pupil comes and tells you a tale do you open an inquiry room?

No Permanently it didn't seem that way, but I can see where you are coming from now. When I say no uncertain terms, I pretty much used your wording and added that I would tell his Mum as children usually need a consequence. It didn't work, clearly!

The last push was the one that really hurt DS. I wasn't just standing about watching.

DS politely requested for the boy to stop pushing because I had told him to tell the boy to stop doing it. There is no reason to not be polite.

And generally, you do get 30 children coming to tell you about a playground scuffle! You deal with it accordingly, depending on the situation.

I've also had parents come and tell me about behaviour outside of school and I have always appreciated knowing about it. If serious, I would talk with the children about it but not refer to it specifically, IYSWIM.

I've asked if IWBU, the jury has decided and I've already gone along with it.

You see this annoys me. Aww, He's only 4, yes. I know kids'll be kids. They do push and hit each other. It's just a part of growing up , but if it's not dealt with now it will carry on and become more physical, imagine what he'll be like at 11 or 14. He'll have other kids terrified. And his mum like a lot of parents IME seemed to have an allergy to instilling any discipline.
Ooooh perish the thought of teaching thier little poppets right from wrong.

Exactly why I like to know these things as a teacher lighthouse but it seems IABU so should go with the consensus!

Dirty looks? I'm not sure I saw that part of the post

What Aeroflot said. I hope your DS is ok.

That said, I took my DS age 4 to a very busy park over the Summer. Another boy who looked to be a couple of years older was being nasty to my DS, and continued even when I went over to them and spoke to DS. I just took my DS to another area of the park.

So sorry about your little chap, what a miserable afternoon for him, hope he's ok today.

If you were as dramatic when speaking to the GP as you were in your post it is no wonder he initially suspected a cracked rib. However your ds was perfectly fine. Hormones or not it isn't fair on anyone not least your ds to overreact.

When I see a small child pushing mine I first assess if it will put my child in danger. If not, I let DD work on it on her own or at least show signs of distress first before interfering. If it will I physically stop the child by gently grabbing his/her wrist and saying "We don't push here, if you do it again I'm going to talk to your mother".

I don't think I've had a problem with kids not listening to me when I've interfered. Though to be honest, most parents around here are really strict with their children and are breathing down their neck before DD even has time to process what just happened.

You're getting a ridiculous amount of flak but I suppose this is AIBU where it is apparently customary to type before engaging your brain or your compassion.

OTOH I do think you're being U to want to tell the school. Out-of-control 4 year old whose mother doesn't give a sh*t - and you think the school won't have noticed already?!

Well this is a nice thread.

Yabu. I know you are not telling the school, but what is it that you expected them to do.

If they speak to the boy and deal with it they are, essentially, telling the mother she didn't do enough. Maybe she didn't. But I doubt the school will be willing to take that chance when they didn't see it themseleves. Also if he is with a parent and out of uniform I don't think there is anything can do.

Surely being a teacher you know this. If this was your pupil what would you do? I just can't see what you were hoping to achieve?

I would be very upset if either of those dc were mine. I can't believe that a mother just sat there and allowed her child to bully and push a smaller child down the slide. No wonder the kid took no notice and just carried on, he clearly wasn't at all worried when you told his mum, as he knew she'd do sweet fa. Hope your ds is feeling better today. People can be so nasty, but they just seem to find it acceptable.