To not want her to call DD this.

[Welshmaenad]

Dd is nine. She has cerebral palsy. She is mobile but wears a splint and has an obvious 'limp'. She manages very well but does get quite sensitive about her disability sometimes.

She attends an extracurricular activity once a week - not disability specific, a general one. It is volunteer run and please don't get me wrong, I bloody appreciate all their hard work and effort and think they're champions.

However this week when I picked her up one of the volunteers chivvied her by shouting 'come on Hopalong!'. It really really grated on me and I'm still stewing. It was said with fondness and dd does adore this volunteer so I don't feel it was meant to be cruel or hurtful but it's the kind of thing she takes to heart.

I need to know if I'm being over sensitive or if that really isn't in and I should have a quiet respectful word next week and ask her not to. I wouldn't go in all guns blazing, I dont want to sour relations or upset this person who didn't mean to be upsetting and would likely be mortified.

Isn't ON not in

Completely wrong. I am fuming on your behalf. I would have definitely said something and made a complaint.

No you aren't being sensitive, that really is not on! I'd have a quiet word with the person who runs things.

I'd be having that quiet word, that is absolutely not acceptable.

I understand where you are coming from.

Personally I would try to go for a "I am such a dafty but I just can't get my head around dd being called hop along. I know, stupid, eh? But I do hate it"

Smile and be genuine. She needs to know you hate it.

Wow!
Completely inappropriate.
I wear glasses. Would I be 4 eyes?!

Ask your dd how she feels when she is called that. Maybe it's a bit of an inside joke? If it's not yadnbu to have a word.

That would likely be my approach, Pass. They will more than likely be horrified. But I don't want them thinking that's ok and to keep doing it.

Oh dear that's terrible To be honest I'm a bit surprised that you are even asking . Do you think that anyone will tell you YABU

YANBU (obviously)

Depends if it bothers DD for me. If she's not concerned then id leave it.

It's the kind of clumsy, meant to be inclusive, pally/jokey nickname I grew up with. I'd find it more irritating than infuriating. The volunteer will get upset if you say something but you (and possibly your DD) will be upset as she continues to say if if you don't. Tough call.

No, not acceptable. I don't agree withPassme because that sounds like you feel the language used is reasonable, just not to your liking. But actually, it's not ok to name someone by their disability. I would try to be honest while still acknowledging that you know it wasn't meant unkindly.

It's completely inappropriate. Even volunteers who give their time and have hearts of gold need to be told that this is an appalling way to address a child with a disability, whatever the intention.

Oooooh no. Definitely inappropriate even if said with affection.

I'd be fuming. A quiet word with the leader "I surely must have misheard, none of your people would be rude enough to call DD Hopalong, would they"

But I do a good line in steely, icy fury when riled - far more effective than the stream of invective in my head!

If DD doesn't like it, definitely have a quiet word. It is almost certainly meant affectionately, but if DD is uncomfortable she needs to know you'll stick up for her.

Does it bother her? I think it sounds like she likes your dc and it's an affectionate nickname?

Totally with you. And totally with you in that they probably mean no harm or malice, but that doesn't make it acceptable, and if you have to be the one to educate them, then so be it, not that that should be your responsibility.

It might be an appropriate and affectionate jibe for a child with a temporary injury, but a child with cerebral palsy? No.

Actually, that's the sort of thing I would say to my own dcs. It is always said in a very kind way and my dcs know it. They don't get upset about it.

However, how did your dd react? Was she upset by it or did she think it was an affectionate nickname? If the latter, let it be. If the first case, have a gentle word with the volunteer.

regardless if it bothers your dd, it bothers you. Dont softly softly, go in straight with do not use that name for my child.

She didn't really react, but she's the kind of kid that internalises stuff like that, stresses about it in bed at night and gets wound up.

She goes through cycles of depression where she will come downstairs at night crying, saying she doesn't want to be disabled any more, she's fed up of struggling and would rather be dead. It's incredibly hard to see your child so upset over something you can't fix, and that's why I wasn't sure if I was BU - I am so protective of her because she is so sensitive but will plaster on a smile for other people.

Dh isn't happy either and has suggested I raise it quietly with her when we have time to chat, find out if it happens often and how it makes her feel, and what she would like me to do. I may try to empower her to tell the volunteer herself to 'please don't call me that, it makes me upset', if she would prefer that to me speaking to them.

Oh wow. How did you manage to walk away without screaming at her? that's completely unacceptable. Even if she is really dim actually did mean it endearingly, what happens if the other kids picked up on it and copied her?