To not want her to call DD this.

[Welshmaenad]

Dd is nine. She has cerebral palsy. She is mobile but wears a splint and has an obvious 'limp'. She manages very well but does get quite sensitive about her disability sometimes.

She attends an extracurricular activity once a week - not disability specific, a general one. It is volunteer run and please don't get me wrong, I bloody appreciate all their hard work and effort and think they're champions.

However this week when I picked her up one of the volunteers chivvied her by shouting 'come on Hopalong!'. It really really grated on me and I'm still stewing. It was said with fondness and dd does adore this volunteer so I don't feel it was meant to be cruel or hurtful but it's the kind of thing she takes to heart.

I need to know if I'm being over sensitive or if that really isn't in and I should have a quiet respectful word next week and ask her not to. I wouldn't go in all guns blazing, I dont want to sour relations or upset this person who didn't mean to be upsetting and would likely be mortified.

It definitely sounded like she meant it as name.

Bertrand, I'm not sure what you mean, are you suggesting I'm making this up? Because I assure you I'm not. I'm pretty sure a search of my username will drag up plenty if genuine posts plus prior references to DD's disability.

I manage clubs and rely on teams of volunteers. I would be gutted if any of them used inappropriate language such as this and organise training to raise awareness of such issues. If I were you, I'd mention it to the manager, rather than the individual. It's then up to the manager to have a word, explaining why such terms should not be used, even jocularly.

I think Bertrand meant calling bollocks on those saying they use hop along to mean 'come on'.

YANBU, OP. Not appropriate. Possibly if it were a broken leg or similar, but even the. Only if you're absolutely sure you know the child well enough that it is a fond joke, and clearly this lady doesn't know your DD to that extent.

Ah, that makes sense, sorry Bertrand.

I've heard 'hop to it' but not hop along

I hope it goes well when you mention it and that your dd isn't too upset

A pp has suggested this woman may not realise that your DD has CP, which might very well be the case. It might be worth approaching it from that angle. 'Are you aware that my DD has CP?' Rather than 'please don't call my DD that as it's completely inappropriate.'

If she doesn't know she'll probably be horrified at her own crassness. If she does know she needs pulling up on it. Either way she needs to be told that this is really not acceptable.

I'm calling bollocks on Bertrand. Sod off.

OP. It's horrible. Preferably tell them off in front of your DD.

Not the same, but got called all sorts of names due to my unusual appearance. Would have meant the world to me if my mum had told these bullying twats how harsh their words were and how awful it made me feel.

bertrand feel free to call it bollocks but you must also offer an explanation why. English is not my first language though I'd like to think I'm fluent in it. But obviously I will never be a native speaker and things like Hopalong vs. hop along will be a mystery unless someone explains them to me. I have always thought hop along means come along. I definitely never meant to offend anyone. Also nobody's ever corrected me.

But that's all off topic. Nobody should be called a derogatory term.

I imagine she doesn't mean any harm, but I had my leg in a cast for two months when I was young and got very quickly bored with that joke. Fortunately it was only two months, too much for someone who will always have a limp.

Jokes like that are for peers who you are on good terms with and confident enough to give shit back to. It's not appropriate for an adult volunteer who is in a position of authority to do that to a child and set the tone that it's ok for other children to single her out on her disability.

That said, I think it depends on the volunteer's intentions. If she thinks the brace is temporary and DD is otherwise healthy, she'll likely be mortified to find out she's been making fun of a child with CP. I'd have a word in private so your daughter doesn't feel awkward about it, it's not your daughter's place to feel awkward it's the volunteer's who is an adult.

FeefteenFortyNine 'hop along' isn't a phrase that an English speaker is likely to use when asking someone to get a move on. 'Run along' is quite common I think, I can remember my grandmother saying 'run along to bed' to me as a child, and 'hop it' might be used to tell someone to go away, but 'hopalong' would generally be an (unkind) nickname for someone with a limp. Plus it doesn't really work in this context - even if you make it fit better it would be 'hop along dd's name' not 'come on, hop along'.

The only possible kind interpretation for this woman would be if she thinks that the OP's dd has a purely temporary limp.

OP I'd not mention anything to your dd, but I would say something to either the organiser or directly to the woman in question. I'd not go in all guns blazing, but I'd not minimize it either.

Hopalong comes from Hopalong Cassidy who was a character in Westerns back in the day. When I was at school in the 70s, people who were limping usually from football or games injuries would be called Hopalong.

But this is a completely different time and situation. I suspect the leader is of my generation and thought nothing of it. But she does need to be told the facts and I'm sure she'll be horrified at her slip up.

I personally would not take this too seriously, she could have said, come on hopalong now, as in hurry up. If you hear it again, then address it. What does your dd think?

This thread is making me cry (must be pregnancy hormones). I've got CP (left sided hemiplegia) and wore a splint too when I was your DDs age. One of the hidden effects of CP is being more sensitive and emotional, so this type of thing would affect her.

Im disabled i have a limp growing up i always got come on slowcoach and whatnot i really hated made me so self concious they were not trying to be nasty just pally. Say something to them about this .

That's so massively inappropriate I can only think that for whatever reason so thinks your DD has a temp injury, and doesn't realise she has a disability. Surely nobody would say that if they knew??!!!

You must say something. I bet she's mortified when she realises.

It's as in 'hopalong Cassidy' and as someon who got called this for similar reasons 'affectionately', I hated it.

Do ask them to stop.

Sorry to upset you Armani. Dd has right hemiplegia. I'd never connected her sensitive nature to her disability, but she is a very emotional little girl.

I was a fat child (and am a fat adult) and my riding instructor used to call me 'Slim', he even used to write that down as my name in the book where they wrote who was riding which pony etc. It used to upset me every time I saw or heard it but I never said anything because I was a bit scared of him and I didn't want to seem silly.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is yes, please say something, the volunteer probably doesn't think she's being cruel, but she is, and she needs to have that pointed out to her.

Definitely say something. I am actually wondering if this is some I know who volunteers. She says god awful things to kids at times I know because I volunteered with her for 2 years until I could not stand it anymore she told me recently that I should not let my ds be diagnosed with ASD because it is a label he would have to carry for life.

I would just say to the volunteer that your dd is sensitive about her disability duh and would prefer not to be called hopalong again.

I just had a little chat with her.

She said that she'd never been called that name before, and that it didn't really bother her - "I just don't think she gets it, mum". She's generally honest about things that bother her so clearly in this instance I'm being far more sensitive than her!

We talked a bit about people accidentally using words and names that upset us when they're trying to be nice or have a joke, and how it's ok to ask them not to if we don't like it. We agreed that she would tell me if it happened and she didn't feel strong enough to ask them herself not to do it; but she seems to have quite a good grasp that it was meant affectionately, if clumsy and inappropriate, and hasn't been bothered by it. She just shrugged and said 'sometimes I do hop!'.

We've agreed that I won't say anything at the moment but that she'll let me know if she is called it again, and if so I might need to talk to the person.

She's just started doing drama/musical theatr classes and a new rugby training class and I think they are doing wonders for her confidence, bless her, I caught her on a high coming out of drama where she had been praised for trying so hard and following instructions.

Thanks for all your input and not making me feel like I was overreacting.

She sounds sounds an amazing little girl i wish my mum had conversations like that with me.

Yanbu, I'd be very upset. My daughter has möbius syndrome and cannot smile. If someone said "come on give us a smile" when they knew she couldn't I'd be fucking furious.

The volunteer was being a fucking knob.

She sounds like an amazing little girl and you a great mummy.

Well done to your dad for being so grown up!

for you and for dd.

Dd not your dad