Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell them to fuck off?

254 replies

DisappointedOne · 24/09/2015 20:43

One of my SILs got pregnant shortly before DD was born. As DD started growing out of things, we lent them to BIL and SIL for their baby (they live 300 miles away, as do the rest of that side of the family). We thought they'd use the stuff and then return it, but then another SIL got pregnant and the stuff got passed on with no mention to us to them. Then the first SIL got pregnant again, so they got passed back, and then the other one so they went back again. Then the last brother's girlfriend got pregnant so it all got passed on to them - again with no mention to us. So rather than being used for 1 more baby and returned they were used for 5 more in 2 years. We did ask for them back, but they were constantly in use. When we did eventually get things back, they hadn't been cleaned and some things had torn/ripped, which meant that I had to spend quite a long time fixing them before they got put away.

Got a text from SIL 1 last night asking if we still have some of the things. Yep, she's pregnant again. I'm sick of subsidising a family that only ever take from us. WIBU to tell them to fuck off and stick them on ebay?

OP posts:
Tiisha · 18/01/2016 16:43

Put the hammock on ebay for a starting bid which you are happy with and inform them that they are welcome to bid.

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 18/01/2016 16:44

I will tell DH that I don't want them having it. Is like to keep it for DD and so I want it to stay in good condition. They've proven they can't be trusted with it so I'm not prepared to take the risk. If he really wants them to have it, then he can tell them they can buy it for cash or 3 years worth of presents for DD. I'm pretty sure which of those he'd prefer.

OP posts:
NickiFury · 18/01/2016 16:44

I hope you'll be pointing out how well used this stuff is when you sell it.

Headofthehive55 · 18/01/2016 16:44

Isn't there anyone you know that your DH doesn't (invent someone)?

If your DH knew it mattered to you would he challenge you? state your case to him! Repeatedly. YANBU.

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 18/01/2016 16:45

I think that it's a complete waste of time asking for baby clothes to be returned. If you dowant them back don't give them away in the first place. You will find people don't wash them as carefully as you do or some unavoidable staining takes place. I wouldn't accept baby clothes people wanted back because of this. And how after a time would anybody be able to remember what belonged to whom. It's a complete waste of time IMHO.

Oh FFS. IT'S NOT CLOTHES!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
DisappointedOne · 18/01/2016 16:45

I hope you'll be pointing out how well used this stuff is when you sell it.

Huh?

OP posts:
NickiFury · 18/01/2016 16:48

It's been used by five babies. I'd want to know that about a car seat or basket or any baby equipment really.

gleam · 18/01/2016 16:49

I think I'd leave the hammock at my parents for safekeeping and tell dh it had gone to be professionally cleaned and repaired and the job would likely take 6 months or so.

ClarkL · 18/01/2016 16:49

I think you are getting a bit of a blasting her OP, but really I think the main issue is your husband being so willing to lend it and you don't want to. I was totally happy to give away my daughters things but when thoughts of a third came along I do wonder if anyone will think to hand things back - I doubt it, so now I'm getting clingy!!
You need to tell your husband that you do not want it going because you want to store it for DD BUT you really then cant go selling it, that will cause an argument!

OnlyLovers · 18/01/2016 16:50

OK, then just tell him 'No' and tell him why.

If he isn't willing to pass that message on to his sister, text her yourself and tell her you got the message from your DH and the answer is no. (Not 'sorry, no', either. Just 'no'. They sound like they have no respect for you at all, so you've nothing at all to be sorry about.)

ricketytickety · 18/01/2016 16:53

first they should have absolutely asked you before they handed your stuff around. That's plain rude.

Secondly, you don't need an excuse not to hand it over. It's sentimental to you.

Thirdly, they sound tight fisted - not getting your dd a present for her birthday is shiitty behaviour. Actually, they sound very disorganised.

I'd be pissed off too because it's not about sharing baby stuff. No-one passes this expensive stuff on without checking with the owner first. They're either extremely disorganised or mean.

kissmethere · 18/01/2016 16:56

For your self and DD you have to say no or this will continue for years. I've seen it happen and families taking the p with someone's generosity.

chocomochi · 18/01/2016 16:57

STOP "lending" them any more things. Either give away or sell to you SIL.

Otherwise, sell your best/nicest items and give away the stuff you don't want back. You will never get baby items back in he pristine condition in which you lent them.

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 18/01/2016 17:00

It's been used by five babies. I'd want to know that about a car seat or basket or any baby equipment really.

It's not a car seat or a Moses basket and it's been used by more than 5 babies. Wink At the moment you couldn't tell that though. After repairs it still looks almost new. (DD's cot was handed down having had 6 babies use it previously between the 1950s and now. That's never been lent out and won't ever be.)

Besides, I don't want to sell it - I want to keep it.

OP posts:
Original poster
DisappointedOne · 18/01/2016 17:01

If he isn't willing to pass that message on to his sister,

She's his SIL - he only has brothers.

OP posts:
ShesAStar · 18/01/2016 17:04

Tell your DH you might want another baby at some point and as they aren't being made anymore you feel very sentimental about it and want to keep it. If he argues remind him of his car!

TheExMotherInLaw · 18/01/2016 17:20

Lend it to a friend. Get it out of the house before dh goes, then he can't take it. Then have the row.

OnlyLovers · 18/01/2016 17:22

OK then, OP, either keep picking up little mistakes by me and other posters, or instead put the energy into solving your actual problem. Grin

LucilleBluth · 18/01/2016 17:30

Just finished the thread.

Never lend stuff out that you want back.

They are your DHs brothers that he is lending to, his nieces and nephews, not some random babies.

My feeling is that in a Family of three brothers and their wives you are seen as the pain in the arse hard work one whom the others roll their eyes at.

Tiisha · 18/01/2016 17:45

You mentioned that you bought a 6 bedroom house but nobody visits you. Tbh, could you honestly blame them? I think the feeling is mutual and was at the time you made the generous gesture so why are you even really surprised?

HanYOLO · 18/01/2016 17:45

I think you should:

  • decide if there are specific things that you want to keep because they have sentimental value - clean them up, box them up and pack them and label them "archive". put them away. realistically 2 or 3 things. not 20
  • let them have everything else with good grace
  • let the "money" argument go, it's neither here nor there

It seems they specifically liked the hammock and thought it was great. To which the answer is you want to keep it for sentimental reasons and you have renovated it and packed it away (in the attic where it will be inaccessible for many months). Maybe you could link the to one on ebay.

Explain to your DH that your feelings were hurt but they are welcome to xyz you just want to keep some special items.

dodobookends · 18/01/2016 17:47

My feeling is that if they can't even be bothered to get your dd birthday/xmas presents, then they shouldn't expect you to let them have stuff all the time.

Headofthehive55 · 18/01/2016 17:48

I suppose it depends on the relationship you have with your DH. My foot would be down. Firmly. And that would be that.

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 18/01/2016 17:49

They are your DHs brothers that he is lending to, his nieces and nephews, not some random babies.

Shame the "blood is thicker than water" adage only works one way then.

My feeling is that in a Family of three brothers and their wives you are seen as the pain in the arse hard work one whom the others roll their eyes at

Four brothers. Wink

To be honest, I'm past caring. I don't owe them anything.

OP posts:
Hissy · 18/01/2016 17:53

Just ring her yourself and explain.
Nothing personal, but it was in a state last time and as a result you're not lending anything.

If she gets the hump, so what... Really.