Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell them to fuck off?

254 replies

DisappointedOne · 24/09/2015 20:43

One of my SILs got pregnant shortly before DD was born. As DD started growing out of things, we lent them to BIL and SIL for their baby (they live 300 miles away, as do the rest of that side of the family). We thought they'd use the stuff and then return it, but then another SIL got pregnant and the stuff got passed on with no mention to us to them. Then the first SIL got pregnant again, so they got passed back, and then the other one so they went back again. Then the last brother's girlfriend got pregnant so it all got passed on to them - again with no mention to us. So rather than being used for 1 more baby and returned they were used for 5 more in 2 years. We did ask for them back, but they were constantly in use. When we did eventually get things back, they hadn't been cleaned and some things had torn/ripped, which meant that I had to spend quite a long time fixing them before they got put away.

Got a text from SIL 1 last night asking if we still have some of the things. Yep, she's pregnant again. I'm sick of subsidising a family that only ever take from us. WIBU to tell them to fuck off and stick them on ebay?

OP posts:
Woobeedoo · 25/09/2015 14:59

I'm on your side Op, I'd be very angry at the way they've hidden this from you. I'd be tempted to send a text back along the lines of "haven't got any of the items, they were in such a state I had to drive them to the Tip".

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 25/09/2015 15:00

Real lack of reading comprehension there Queenbean. Stuff got lent to brother 1 approx 4 years ago. We started asking for it back 3 years ago but it had already been passed onto brother 2 for baby 2. Then it got passed back to brother 1 and we expected it back after baby 3. But they passed it back to brother 2 for baby 4, who then passed it on to brother 3 for baby 5. Now brother 1 wants it back for baby 6.

Each baby used the stuff for around 8 months, so it wasn't done with till last summer, and it took 9 months of us asking nagging to actually get the stuff back.

Not sure what house prices have to do with wanting baby stuff back.

OP posts:
Spartans · 25/09/2015 15:21

What I don't get is that you wanted the hammock to be in good condition for your child to maybe use. So why lend it to anyone?

We have heir looms, they don't get lent about. If I had something i bought and I wanted to pass down to dd I wouldn't lend it because it could get broke, by accident. Not anyone's fault.

The rest of the stuff is a bit 'meh' tbh.

Also I don't know why your sils are coming in for so much shit, when in actual fact the children have 2 parents and you lent them because your dh is related to their husbands. IE the children's fathers.

This is why it sounds like you are just pissed off in general and over reacting about this. Is there a chance that your dh actually told them that they could pass it about but won't admit it.

Stormtreader · 25/09/2015 16:37

Sometimes the only thing you can do for your own happiness is to try and see it as a lesson - you've paid £600 to learn exactly how far your BIL and SIL can be trusted, and exactly how much they value you by not even giving you the credit when they passed the items on.

Its hard and its unfair, but thats life sometimes. Decide to treat any possible new children to lovely new things, and never lend your SIL anything that you might want back!

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/09/2015 17:14

"She'll be 5 in a couple of weeks. She's still waiting for the presents (or even a card!) she was promised by them for her 3rd and 4th birthdays, and the last 3 xmases"

OP, what does your DH say about his family not buying his daughter birthday or Christmas presents, or even acknowledging her by sending a card?

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 25/09/2015 18:31

As I say, he'll defend their behaviour till his dying breath. "They're busy." "They probably don't know what to get her." "They probably just forgot." (They don't forget the other cousins.)

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 25/09/2015 19:19

That's pathetic, OP. Busy? For coming up to three fucking years Angry? No, his family are a bunch of bastards, you have the measure of them, and I wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire. So obviously, I would lend them nothing. Ever.

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 18/01/2016 14:57

I knew it. DH is taking DD up for a visit in a few weeks time. Message from SIL: "great. Please bring the hammock with you." Cheeky bitch. Can't find a way to say no, fuck off. Angry

OP posts:
whois · 18/01/2016 15:05

"Sozza, going to keep the hammock. We got it from [x] if you want to buy your own"

hellsbellsmelons · 18/01/2016 15:07

You just said it!
No - Fuck off!
Hide it and tell DH you sold it.
Or sell it fast!

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/01/2016 15:13

Well, if you don't want to text back 'No, fuck off', how about 'We gave it to a friend.' And ritually burn it rather than give it to her get a friend to keep it safely at their house until you next want to use it.

MollyRedskirts · 18/01/2016 15:16

'We don't have the hammock any more, you'll have to buy your own.'

Done.

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 18/01/2016 15:18

Wish that would work! DH sees no reason not to lend it to them (it wasn't him that had to fix it last time) so me not wanting to is going to end in a row. Blush. She texted DH, not me.

They're not easily available anymore and I'm wanting to keep it for DD if she ever wants it. Just fucking sick of them always taking from us and ignoring DD.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 18/01/2016 15:24

"me not wanting to is going to end in a row."
Have the row. He deserves it.

crispytruffle · 18/01/2016 15:26

I wouldn't want them back, they'd be threadbare by now surely?

SheDoneAlreadyDoneHadHerses · 18/01/2016 15:29

Tell her that it - and everything else really, shame heavy sigh - came back in a condition which has meant it's not fit for use.

Then let her think about that one.

Wineandrosesagain · 18/01/2016 15:31

You should have the row. Your DH is being a bit thick isn't he? Tell him they can have the hammock when they start taking notice of DD and buying her birthday presents etc. Otherwise they can fuck off. Then ask a friend to store it for you until he goes on his visit, just to make sure he doesn't sneakily take it anyway.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 18/01/2016 15:32

Seriously, you need to either have the row with DH or give him the hammock to give to them. That's your choice.

Personally, I'd sell the hammock (truthfully, your DD is unlikely to want to use a 20+ year old fabric hammock with her darling baby, and I expect baby advice will change again before then!). Get the big stuff on eBay and hope you get some bids on it so he can't take it.

I totally get where you're coming from though, it's the disrespect of your stuff. We don't lend any of our stuff as it cost us lots and I plan to sell it now we've had DS.

OurBlanche · 18/01/2016 15:33

Do send it.

Bit before you do restore it to the condition it was returned to you in.

Spend some time making it filthy again. Really filthy Bag it up so your DH doesn't see it.

Add a note: Sorry SIL, but I was so upset to get it back like this that I couldn't bear to touch it. I'm sure it will scrub up well xx

kaitlinktm · 18/01/2016 15:35

I think it is appalling that they haven't acknowledged your daughter by way of Christmas or birthday presents for the last few years and even if I was forced to lend the baby hammock, I would not be able to help saying this, it's an appalling way to treat a 5-year-old.

As for them being busy - we're all busy, you could be too busy to pack up the baby hammock for example.

If you do lend it, then I would make it absolutely clear that you need to have it returned as soon as this baby has finished with it and that you don't intent to lend it out for any other infants. Say you have plans for it - which are your business, not theirs.

Sorry, but I have had experience of in-laws who bloody take advantage and who were always on the look out for what they could get and it poisoned my relationship with them.

Katedotness1963 · 18/01/2016 15:36

Sell anything you don't want to lend. They've got a cheek and I'd be bothered by the attitude that you should just hand it over. I leant nothing of my kids, when they were done with it we gave it to the charity shop.

ExConstance · 18/01/2016 15:37

YANBU, they should have asked before passing it on. If they are all quite well off it should have been returned to you so you could have Freecycled it if you didn't want to use or sell it.

backonthebikeagain · 18/01/2016 15:44

Tell them, and DH, to fuck off. YANBU. I would hate for my things to be treated like that.

Cheeky bastards have saved £100's and not treated it how it should be.

backonthebikeagain · 18/01/2016 15:46

Just read your update. I would text her yourself and say 'Im sorry but I will not be sending the hammock with dh, it was returned in an awful state and it now needs repairing.' Leave it at that.

TheWordOfBagheera · 18/01/2016 15:47

OP YANBU if they were very clear that you were expecting it back after one use. It doesn't matter a jot whether the stuff was going to waste collecting dust in your house as it was yours and it was therefore up to you and your DH to decide what happened with it.

If you bought a load of camping gear and then decided you weren't sure when you'd use it again so lent it to someone for the summer it would be outrageous for them to pass it around as they saw fit. Some people treat baby stuff differently which is where the confusion arises.

But you know what they are like and ending up bitter about it isn't going to make your life any easier, just harder. Try and let it go now that the damage is done and don't lend the hammock if you don't want to. Or say that you "hadn't wanted it passed around in case it got damaged and became unsellable, but that happened against your say-so. Would they therefore like to buy it from you (for £100) instead? They will then be free to lend it to whoever they like" Grin.