being a twat with school uniform?

[Unreasonablebetty]

My husband says I'm being a bit of a twat and I thought I would check mumsnet for anyone else's opinion....
Every year, when it starts to get cold my daughter ditches the school dress and clarks shoes for a new pair of hunter wellies and leggings with a polo top and school jumper- usually with some kind of branded coat that's the same colour as the boots (yes lots of thought goes into this)
Now DD is almost 8, she's starting to take care of her clothes a bit more, would it be (as my husband says) a step too far for me to buy her Ralph Lauren polo tops for school in the winter?

He says it's fine that she has the hunter wellies, it's fine that she even has a designer coat, but the polo tops are just twattish and a bit "try hard" for school.
Maybe I'm seeing it wrongly, but I like Ralph Lauren, why not? I don't see why she can wear this stuff out of school and it's great, but in school it's a big no no?

Cateyeflick- it's haunting isn't it! What is it with the trainers? I got the same as a child. Mo always wanted the Nike Cortez trainers, and I remember the ones I got for Christmas that year. They were on sale for about £9 and the twice I wore them I got taken the piss out of so badly.
And to answer your question, no lol. I don't think so anyway... Need to dig out some photos and have a look. I will be deeply ashamed if I made her look like she was only half dressed.

Why is your DD brand aware?

Just an FYI. My sis in law and siblings were sent to school in wellies as they were cheap. People are more likely to think you're haRd up if she wears wellies all the time, hunters or not
does her school not have a uniform?

TBH if I met a kid dressed in Ralph Lauren I'd just assume the parents/relatives went on holiday and shopped in the states. So much cheaper over there.

No rest- you are 100% right. This is something that my husband realised very soon after meeting me (dd isn't his daughter- so he came along and saw the situation with fresh eyes) it's something I can sometimes see and separate myself from, but much of the time it's very much an instinct reaction.... Do you work in the mental health field?

Mrshathaway- we do actually choose clothes together :-) she often has a say. But I don't ask her why. I felt that asking her why was very akin to questioning her choices. She has had some clothes that I really didn't like, but her opinion matters more than mine as long as it's well covering and appropriate-most of the time.

Bitoutofpractice, I think a lot of people thought I was on a wind up, but then maybe I should have explained that I do things a certain way because of past hurt. I'm glad you never questioned if your mother loved you, it's lovely that you have that kind of relationship with her, sadly I don't have any relationship with mine, she really didn't care which is very sad. I come from a very dysfunctional family and I wish that the only thing my mum ever did wrong was buy me dodgy clothes, I would be so appreciative to her if I felt that she did her best for me, but she didn't by any means. Thank you for your understanding.

Coffeeisnectar- thank you. She is my little world. She is everything to me... I just try to do all that I can.
I'm glad that she gives as good as she gets, very important to be that way.

By mine if a kid is in ralph lauren it is assumed to be knock off.

Perhaps you should spend some of the money you waste on counselling for your own issues. Your daughter only needs you not endless posh stuff.

You should want her to grow up happy with who she is not with what she can afford to buy.

since I gave birth to her, she's been my one interest, that everything she wants and needs is done.

That is terrifyingly unhealthy for both of you.

You seem to think it is a good thing. That is worrying too.

Have you considered getting help for your insecurities?

Patapouf- yes somewhat. I feel like a twat admitting this, but she can spot some of the better known brands.

QOD- good to know we spent money on looking so broke. In all honesty boots will be worn to school no matter what in the winter though, she needs to wear them as we walk to school each morning and there are some areas that get quite flooded, and it saves getting wet feet. Yes they have a uniform, I've not once been told she wasn't allowed to wear the outfits I've sent her in :-! Now I'm just thinking that maybe they thought I was hard up, and not misguided and didn't want to embarrass us?

Sorry, leggings? You let your daughter wear leggings to school all day? Do you want her to look like you can't afford trousers?

TBH if I met a kid dressed in Ralph Lauren I'd just assume the parents/relatives went on holiday and shopped in the states. So much cheaper over there.

Or bought knock offs from a market in Turkey.

Runrabbitrunrabbit- yes, dealing with it. I'm not proud, just making a point that I don't just throw clothes at my daughter and run away I try very hard to be a good mum. I'm starting to feel a bit like I can't really win here.

Buying shit that she does not need or robablt want does not make a good mum. Put money in a savings account instead so she has it when she really needs it ike a house deposit or first car. Spoiling her will make her expect everything.

In my school they have uniform but nothing is said to the non conformists. I think Boden type stuff is the done thing for children's clothes when you want to spend a bit of dosh. No labels but very recognisable all the same.

Jesus Christ, I've just looked up how much kids RL polo's cost. Think I'll go look out the one in DCs drawer we were handed down from a friend and bung it on ebay

I struggle with the idea of it being knock offs, I think because I've only ever bought it in the states and it costs about the same as something from next. I'm assuming no one is printing next on stuff being flogged in Turkey? Good quality cotton though washes really well.

Leggings are forbidden at our school, but it doesn't get enforced because of course not everybody can afford a second pair of trousers or a spare skirt, and if they are in the wash kids sometimes come in leggings. Wellies wouldn't raise an eyebrow if it is wet, but kids have to change into shoes once there.

I wouldn't worry too much about her clothes, the 8-year olds don't seem to notice or care who wears Asda/Aldi uniform and who has JL/M&S, so they wouldn't notice RL either.

Do you know what op? You are getting a kicking, and more and more people will pile on because they've only read the first post and continue to give you a kicking and it is not going to feel nice.

I would hide the thread. And if you want to talk further about how you can break this habit, start another thread in a kinder part of the boards.

Ok, thanks all. I think I've had enough people tell me to get some counselling or something. Yes I understand that this is all because of a problem I have with me.
I feel like shit because I don't have anything to give, so I give everything that I can, and I still feel like shit.
So I try to find something new that I can buy for her so maybe I feel less like a shitty person.
I only came here to see if i was dealing with things as I always do or if it was my husband being an arse.
I think you've all mostly clarified that I am the problem.
And yes I am in counselling and I have been most of my fucking adult life.
Thanks to those of you have been really understanding and kind, I really appreciate it. its pretty fucking sad when you have such a small amount of support in real life, and can't even trust your own instincts enough you have to go on the Internet to figure out if you are being a complete twat.... And most of the people you are asking if you are a twat, are in fact twats themselves.

I understand that i might have been wrong, but I've only tried to do my best. Like I've said. It's not easy when you haven't really got anyone else around. I can't look towards my own childhood cos that would leave my child in an even worse position.

Betty you have lots and lots to give your dd I'm sure. None of it requires your purse.

Ask your dd what her favourite thing to do with mummy is - I bet it's cuddling on the sofa or reading together or going to the park or watching strictly.

Give your dd your heart and your time. They are priceless.

Ps your DH sounds quite sensible. Talk it out with him.

Don't worry about it Betty, it was just a thought. I don't thinks the thread needed to get so heavy.

Your relationship with your DD sounds perfectly fine.

Right now she probably couldn't care less about this sort of thing. If I were you I would put the designer polo shirt money away for her teenage years, when nothing but brand/designer 'Blah Blah' will do.

:o

I second asking your DD. What is your favourite thing to do with mummy? Stop buying designer clothes. Send her in sensible practical uniform. Talk to your councellor about this so you can start yo work through it. Also talk to your dp. He sounds like a good one!

She doesn't need to ask her DD anything of the sort.

FGS she just asked if she was being a twat about polo shirts, some of the responses on this thread would make anyone nosedive into their psyche.

Like a lot of pp's have said, loving your daughter has absolutely zero to do with how much money you spend clothing her. I'm sorry that your upbringing has led you to believe that.

I grew up in a family that didn't have a pot to piss in but I always felt safe, loved and cared for. That is all you need to provide.

OP I understand where you're coming from. I always had my bro's hand-me-downs and 2nd hand school uniform. I hated it and was teased. I think anyone who has had that miserable experience can be forgiven for going the opposite way with their DCs (if they can afford it).

RL polo shirts are OTT for school - expensive clothes will inhibit her. She shouldn't have to worry about ruining designer clothes when she should be learning and having fun. But I think you know that now.

P.S. I think Hunters look lovely too.