To ask for pregnancy anxiety / mental health survival stories?!

[Sleeplessinnorthlondon]

Know many many people go through worse than me and this could be bloody self indulgent for which apologise but no amount cbt, distraction, sleep etc shifting deep primal fear that anxiety had throughout this pregnancy that have somehow how harmed the child, currently through the anxiety itself, and only thing found helpful on other threads been those kind enough to share stories of rubbish pregnancies with happy healthy endings. Were you stressed and anxious and tearful and or generally terrified and bonkers for nine months more than glowing? Did you come out the other side?! We're your babies affected or ok or even ok in the end?!

Morning sleepless - I'm working from home today and replying to you is way more important than any stupid work

OK, so firstly I'd suggest that sadly in any profession, there are going to be idiots and morons who have no clue as to what they're talking about. I've had it with Drs, which is why I struggle to actually respect their opinion and I'm also worried about what they're going to say.

However.... In the last year, I have had FAR more positive experiences with Medical Professionals than negative ones, so looking at it from a purely logical perspective - Chances are, the negative experiences aren't going to happen as often as I think they are (and so far, this is proven to be very true!).

In your case, you had the Home visit Team talk rubbish to you - this has been refuted by medical experts since then. This is SUCH rubbish, that you received a call from the Director of Mental Health Services, apologising to you. This is a Senior professional person, making time of of their schedule to call you and personally apologise as the things the idiots were saying to you were unholy untrue and completely WRONG. A full investigation? Yet more evidence that what happen to you was wrong.. and that they want to take steps to make sure it doesn't happen again.

The fact you're doing much better overall is great - OK, so you're feeling low today.. that's totally normal, noone can be OK all the time .

I've not been sleeping well either, and honestly, the difference it makes to my mood is just crazy - I slept so well on Friday night and on Saturday I felt like a different person. Then on Sunday night, I slept really badly and felt worse on Monday.... Are you going to try and get an early night tonight? Bath, warm milk, whatever works for you? Maybe eat some really healthy stuff for dinner, chill out.. and just get some control back?

In answer to your questions, all your answers sound spot on - However I imagine you'd like some affirmation to that?

1. If not harmed baby why so much out there about risks of stress in pregnancy? Answer: partly because could lead to risky behaviours which I haven't done and partly women who are even more stressed were in the studies I'd read according to a doctor so just not relevant.

• Totally agree, plus stress is a normal human reaction anyway. You've had a lot of people who have studied and practised medicine for years, giving you their opinion that you're absolutely fine. You say yourself, you've not done any risky behaviours, that's because you're awesome!

1. What if doctors think less stressed than am? Answer - you've been honest about everything and they are trained to assess people. You have to trust this.

• Precisely, you've been honest. You've not lied, you've told them everything you're thinking and feeling and they've made an assessment based on your answers.

1. What if something does go wrong and suddenly everyone changes their mind like family and friends and thinks I am to blame and been irresponsible in carrying on with pregnancy when clearly not up to it? Answer - you can't control this and all the sane people now seem to think no evidence of harm.

• You are up to it, you've been up to it for weeks and weeks and despite struggling, you've come through so much already. The scariest part is, you don't know what the outcome will be (even though it's 99.9999999999% that things will be FINE!) and that's terrifying - I totally get that.

However, you are not to blame and you never will be. Your friends and your family love you and will support you no matter what. If they don't, then they're not worth your time. You have asked for help when you felt low - that's very responsible. Everything you have done, is because you are responsible.

Keep going, you're getting there and in a few weeks you'll no doubt look back and be like 'Urgh, I was so worried, but everything came out fine in the end'

I'm here too Sleepless. I agree with everything Fluffy said. Especially this:

This is a Senior professional person, making time of of their schedule to call you and personally apologise as the things the idiots were saying to you were unholy untrue and completely WRONG.

As for your questions - I agree with all your answers! Here are my thoughts too:

1. If not harmed baby why so much out there about risks of stress in pregnancy?

There are so, so many different variables in any pregnancy. So much of what they warn us about is speculation. If stress were a definite link, we'd see far more repercussions in babies. All pregnant women feel stress to some degree, and far more than you'd think have severe stress and anxiety like the women on this thread. And you've had several health professionals reassure you (and as for the ones who haven't - you've just had a big apology about them.)

1. What if doctors think less stressed than am?

I think they know how stressed you've been, or they would not have been looking into a full investigation into your treatment. And as you said, you've been honest about how low you have felt.

1. What if something does go wrong and suddenly everyone changes their mind like family and friends and thinks I am to blame and been irresponsible in carrying on with pregnancy when clearly not up to it?

Carrying on with the pregnancy could not be seen as irresponsible. I think it's probably one of the hardest, bravest, strongest things you've ever had to do. I know that's how it was for me. Your family and friends, who truly care about you, will not be quick to start throwing around blame. Have they been that way so far? Is that in their nature? Or do they try to help, and understand, and support? Trust the people around you. They love you.

You're both so so lovely!! He didn't actually say she was wrong in what she said so much as wrong to have said anything as not trained etc so unfortunately impact of words brought back but think need to toughen up and put it all from my mind. I just can't understand why I can't take comfort from all your wise, warm and sane words - just have such a horrible, strong fear that all not well and really really can't shake it. I'm scared that I won't be able to support and love and interact with him normally when he gets here because I'm looking for signs that something is wrong. Hoping to god Prozac works for me but it will take time obviously to kick in and don't want to fail him when he gets here or drive everyone mad looking for problems. Sorry not to be more positive - just feeling so worried and mad!!!! Xxxx

You don't have to do very many things at all when he first gets here. Do you feel like no matter what is going on in your mind, you'll be able to hold him? He won't know you're looking for signs something is wrong, etc. He'll just know your smell and touch.

The drugs will help if you need them. At worst, you may have 2 bad weeks while they kick in. And the few weeks after birth are usually the time you're most supported. So you can get through those weeks.

Right now, you have this strong horrible fear. That conviction is a process that's happening in your brain. It's not based on fact, right? Imagine a little neural pathway in your brain that is causing that strong fear. That's your fear pathway. Picture what colour it is (fear often feels red to me). Imagine it being flushed through with some sort of healing colour (green for me). I know this sounds mad. But just picture it washing the fear out. It's just a strong thought that's sitting in your head right now. Look at it, see it for what it is. You are stronger than that fear! You've come this far. You don't have long now, and you can do this

Thank you - you're so kind. Definitely taking the drugs as soon as I give birth. Think and hugely hope I can look after him for early weeks and very lucky to have lots of support in place for those weeks. Just wish someone could convince me at same risk as anyone else and could feel like them - excited and optimistic, not terrified and guilt, feel so much like am short changing him

DH changed all the nappies for weeks after DD was born. Literally all I did was feed and hold her, and rest and recover. You'll have time to adjust to the drugs, and once they've kicked in they'll help a lot with the anxiety. Your baby won't know anything about all this, so you're not short changing him. I wasn't excited and optimistic either, but my daughter has no idea - she adores me. It will be okay.

Hi sleepless
I was wondering how things turned out for you and baby? I’m going through the same thing as you and it’s awful x

Hey Hope32, same situation here. Hope we can get an update as that would be so helpful.

Hi littlefeather32.
I’m so sorry for the very late reply! I never realised someone had commented on here. I only seen this as I have come on here because I’m considering having another baby!!
My last pregnancy was unbearable! The anxiety was crippling and I was a mess. The worst time in my life but I was gifted with such a beautiful little girl who is just over 2 years old and is perfect.
How was your pregnancy in the end?
I’m so scared to try again but would love another child. And I can feel the anxiety starting before even falling pregnant! X

Is any of you lovely ladies still using this account? I am in a very similar situation to @Sleeplessinnorthlondon and was hoping to hear how your children have all grown up? I’ve heard from a few loveky ladies who have shared experiences with me but hoping to hear some more if at all possible ♥️♥️♥️

Hi

dealing with really severe anxiety at 26 weeks with my first. Wondering if an posters had any updates/reassurance that everything turned out ok in the end with baby? Many thanks

Ask your midwife to refer you to the peri-natal mental health team.
Also the NCT/other support groups often have coffee mornings/walk & talk and welcome expectant mums. You can build a support network.

Thanks Katie. Am on the perinatal mental health teams case load and have recently started taking sertraline at 50mg and am being advised to increase to 100. Very scared about the impact of the sertraline and the anxiety on baby is (been feeling this way since 20 week scan), positive stories from others is very comforting to me at the moment!