To ask for pregnancy anxiety / mental health survival stories?!

[Sleeplessinnorthlondon]

Know many many people go through worse than me and this could be bloody self indulgent for which apologise but no amount cbt, distraction, sleep etc shifting deep primal fear that anxiety had throughout this pregnancy that have somehow how harmed the child, currently through the anxiety itself, and only thing found helpful on other threads been those kind enough to share stories of rubbish pregnancies with happy healthy endings. Were you stressed and anxious and tearful and or generally terrified and bonkers for nine months more than glowing? Did you come out the other side?! We're your babies affected or ok or even ok in the end?!

Thank you all so much as ever for being so so kind - mumsnet is a total lifesaver sometimes! Yesterday was bad, my class could tell id been crying but were fantastic (no idea why people have low opinion of teenagers sometimes I think they are brilliant) and ashamed to say spent free period in nurses office just sobbing. However, saw dear old friend and dh in evening, had medicinal very diluted spritzer and for first time in weeks slept through from ten before waking at five. She is scientist (geologist but still much better than me) and reassured me that BBC science reporting notoriously variable in quality and accuracy, and both she and dh seemed certain no need to worry more than anyone else. Obviously I am still worried but after my sleep feeling much calmer this morning (mornings normally worst) and no sign of tears and think today should be ok, tomorrow training day then weekend then Monday midwife and cbt so hoping can share some of what's been good and what's been bad and try to have a better week next week. Thank you so so so much for all your support, truly no idea where i would be without you xx

Hi Fluffy, sorry to hear you're feeling this way too. I think it's so much more common than people realise! When I was 7 weeks pregnant, I was still trying to get my head around being pregnant, and couldn't actually envisage life with a baby - I certainly hadn't bought anything at that stage (thought it would jinx things!) and we hadn't told anyone apart from our parents and my manager (due to my nausea).

Looking back, I think part of the problem for me was that I expected to "do pregnancy well" - my mum had very easy pregnancies whereas, although I had no complications which affected the baby, I didn't find it easy being pregnant at all. But I honestly don't think that how you handle pregnancy bears any relation to how you handle motherhood.

I found things got easier for me as the pregnancy progressed. The scans really helped, as I was terrified of miscarriage, stillbirth and the prospect of something being seriously wrong. Finding out the sex also made it more real and helped me to bond with the baby (and realise I might actually be going to get a baby out of this!). Feeling the baby kick and move really helped. I'd be reluctant to put a date on when I started to feel better but I found the second half easier than the first. My partner was amazing and very logical/rational as well as supportive. This made a huge difference.

I didn't buy anything until 20 weeks, though I did knit things before then. I think knitting, shopping and planning helped me feel more in control - e.g. researching pushchairs - as well as making it more real.

Try to focus on the next few weeks rather than looking too far ahead - so perhaps think about nausea remedies, whether pregnancy yoga/pilates might be for you, etc, rather than how you'll cope as a mother. And do confide in the right people when you feel able to - those who will listen rather than tell you "what you need to know" (I found some people were very keen to tell me all about labour/life with a newborn regardless of whether I wanted to hear about it at, e.g., 16 weeks...).

Your life won't change for the negative - there are negatives but these, for me, have been vastly outweighed by the positives, which go beyond having my own beautiful, snuggly newborn . It's really strengthened my relationship with my partner, and it's been lovely to see him bond with DS and to see how excited our families are.

Be kind to yourself, take things at your pace, and don't be afraid to lean on people for support and ask for help. And have lots of and if the nausea allows.

Thanks AcatcalledFang that's a really nice reply. I've found a pregnancy yoga course which starts in January which I've bookmarked and I've also found an NHS 'parent' workshop which covers a lot of areas of looking after a baby.

I really don't want to hear scare stories at the moment and I've not been reading the 'I hate being pregnant because....' threads... or the 'I wish I wasn't so naive' threads.

The fact you say it's strengthened your relationship is just so welcome - I'm scared my amazing relationship will get screwed up, I'm scared that it will just be all negatives and I'll resent the baby 'taking over my life' and it will be 100% different.

Oddly enough, after speaking to a friend last night, I feel a lot better - she really helped and despite being 100% child free by choice, was able to verbalise potential 'good points' about having children far better than I could and it's really helped me look at things from a different perspective.

Of course, today is the first day in 4 weeks where I feel 'normal', my boobs aren't as sore and my stomach isn't cramping so now I'm worried that something is wrong - Honestly, I feel like a Yo-Yo! However the fact I'm feeling happier and more positive is a really good thing and I'll just wait for my scan next Thursday and take each day as it comes until then.

Back again..... after ok morning suddenly weird tear-y mess most of the bloody day after! WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY! Texted DH with mad rant list of questions and then follow up message saying wouldn't blame him if wanted to separate... so so worried all over again now that something will be wrong and will blame self. need to get face on and sort things out as meant to take dear friend out for birthday now and need to get on form. Fake it to make it I hope...sometimes that works...Hope everyone else doing ok xxxx

At work away day and no idea how but being all cheery and making everyone laugh like am normal and inside so so so scared have harmed baby. Please anyone else with similar experience and happy ending do share, stories have had so far only things keeping me sane - thanks formallnyournhelp so far xxx

My baby I was certain Id harmed in pregnancy and then with the anxiety and depression thereafter is sitting with me in a cafe at the moment chatting about his day at playgroup and telling me about all his friends x

Thank you hairbrush!!! Were you anxious all through or just at the end? Did you stabilise when you got the right care as still thinking about a unit maybe being best way forward, surreally as sometimes for an hour or so can seem and almost feel normal then just nowhere near that at all, teary, terrified etc and feels like getting worse now sleep more and more interrupted x

All through but worse in the last tri when I couldn't do anything more than stay in bed sobbing, I only got up to get dressed for psych appts. I couldn't cook, clean or care for myself at all or hold any conversation on any other topic or even watch TV

I found the unit helpful in that I was forced to interact with people again, and made to get dressed each day and I had access 24/7 to a psych nurse. Also looking at the other babies in there was helpful. And of course hearing those nearing discharge saying how they had been ok in the end. I think it became the most useful when I started to improve after birth and began the psychological therapies and Occupstional therapies x

Thank you so much - so glad you got the right support. Did you take meds before or after birth at all? Thank you thank you thank you for sharing all this hugely appreciate it x

I personally chose not to take meds in pregnancy as I knew I'd only worry more that the meds would harm the baby (despite tons of reassurance from the drs)

I took them after birth though x

That's exactly how i feel - going for the piriton to sleep but think that's my limit just as irrationally know will go anxious about those. Thank you so much for sharing all this, so happy all has worked out for you xxxxxxxx

I honestly think so much of the damage from psych illness in pregnancy is actually done after birth and the support I got in the mum and baby unit prevented that with us, if someone stays so anxious after birth and can't engage with baby or correctly read cues or bond due to illness I think that can show up in a child years later. For me they helped me bond and recover in a safe place and even gave me sessions with a baby psychologist monitoring our interactions who pointed out subtle cues if I missed them when watching it back on a video. It sounds bizarre but I have such fond memories of what was initially a scary place, nobody wants to go to a psych unit but I think we were far better off for it than had the illness never happened x

I don't think I meet the threshold for our area but will ask again on monday at gp as do think sounds really positive and so glad you got the right help. I am less worried about after birth as my mum is amazing with babies and will be around and I can take the drugs!!! I just worry about impact of cortisol but guess nothing can do about it now. Do wish could just fast forward to sanity - husband and family say all the doctors say is ok but so frightened about impact of all the cortisol, too much online not to be!!!!

If your under a psych team make sure they know you can be admitted during pregnancy as some don't even know that much less a GP being aware these units exist.

The Bethlem one would be your catchment area I think (Eden park/new beckenham area) and has sixteen beds available at any one time. It's awesome and hopefully some staff still remain from 3 years ago, most were excellent at their jobs.

If you have a supportive mum that's brilliant and will help SO much after birth. Connect with ladies from PANDAS charity or I know of cocoon family support which I haven't used myself but have seen advertised on facebook as I found it invaluable to my healing process having the friends who had also experienced illness connected to the journey to motherhood and you can then also see the babies who ARE fine with your own eyes and gain confidence it will be okay even if you dont get a bed in a unit xxx

Thinking of you op. Hope your feeling OK

That's so lovely - thank you!!! Don't want to tempt fate and gp clear these things go in phases but this is the third day in a row have felt ok! Not totally sorted or unafraid but not panicking or terrified either!! Thank you for your support, really does mean so much xxx

Great! So pleased. When are you due?

Got two dates weirdly... Either 11th or 15th nov.... :)

That's fab news Sleepless xxx

I've read some of your previous posts and your experiences resonate so much with me. DD (now 7) was planned, but conception happened a lot faster than expected. My lifestyle was pretty bad at the time - lots of drinking, smoking, late nights etc and a very stressful job too. I've always been prone to worrying and anxiety, and had been prescribed antidepressant medication in the past for two periods of depression, but this was something else. I was obsessed with the possibility that I'd harmed my baby by drinking / smoking prior to knowing I was pg, endlessly researching online and being sent into a tailspin by a throwaway comment or BBC article. I was tearful, irritable and no amount of reassurance would be enough. Like you mention up thread, I would generate a 'reason' why the positive outcomes couldn't apply to me, and the cycle would continue. There's something v compulsive about the anxiety, imo, which means the reassurance almost feeds it, iykwim? The anxiety didn't dissipate after dd was born, although did get better, but I found myself obsessing over milk intake and SIDS in similar ways. I eventually sought treatment when dd was about 5m old, with SSRIs, and then never looked back. DD is the light of my life and entirely happy and healthy. Whilst she's showing some signs of being a bit of a worrier, I think that's likely to be a personality trait or learned behaviour tbh, and is not uncommon in children with all sorts of starts in life. There's lots of mh issues in my family.

With DS, who's a toddler, I took proactive steps early on in the pregnancy. Engaged with perinatal mh team, had some cbt, worked out a plan for after he was born - in my case, imipramine so I could bf. (In both my pregnancies I was too scared to take meds although was reassured about them by GP and psychiatrist - part of the anxiety I think). Imipramine worked well, although have swapped to Citalopram since I stopped bf-ing as wasn't keen on the side effects (dry mouth etc). Pregnancy with DS was better: still issues but had more understanding of the mechanisms at play, if that makes sense? DS is a monkey, but also the light of my life and happy and healthy too.

You can do this, and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Wishing you all the best xxxxx

Sleepless I was a wreck. Won't put too much identifiable info in but had a family emergency 9 weeks into pregnancy then started a new job (working in MH services!) at 12 weeks- from that point on I was very anxious about everything! It escalated from the expected anxiety of the above events to being a big problem. I was depressed, gained excessive weight (which I posted about on here) due to comfort eating and generally just felt like I had lost my mind. It did carry on until DS was 4mo but I then sought treatment. In the end the thing that helped me was analytical hypnotherapy (obviously this doesn't help everybody but it worked for me) and since then I have been back to the old me. Feels like a weight has been lifted and I am happy again.

I'm so so sorry you've all been through this but so appreicative of your stories and also sort of angry on all our behalves more isn't publicised about these issues and more professionals don't know the signs or how to help. The support when it's come has been outstanding and met so many excellent professionals but also some which have just been so unkind and unhelpful!!!!! Thank you so so much for all your support, you are brilliant!!!

Oh god... Minor setback and not actually gone totally nuts so feeling proud of that but still! Started reading Penelope leach today - assumed would be lovely and certainly safe read to get ready for ds. First bloody few pages whole section on how bad stress in pregnancy is!!!! Checked and published 2010, assume all based on old studies by V glover re anxiety in pregnancy which psych said only exceptionally extreme cases etc so nothing changed, no need to worry.... Almost believe self!

Put leach down! Useless load of pseudo scientific cobblers. Pick up no more baby or pregnancy books, until you are ready. You are not ready. Sending hug.

I'm sure I had an exceptional extreme case - I couldn't do any self care whatsoever it was that bad, not even brush my teeth without much prompting for a whole 3 months.

My son is still a strapping healthy 3 year old.

Out of all the friends I made as an inpatient in a mother and baby unit there are ZERO children who have had long term effects.

This is what leads me to believe much of it is what happens after birth with the bonding process and not actually purely down to the physiological effects of stress or anxiety. All of us were ill enough to be sectionable x