To not want to share my bed with a giant spider!

[onlyoranges]

Night 3 he has appeared! He is massive, big chunky body, very think long legs. My dh is away on business and don't know if it's that but it's starting to freak me out. I was up and after I him glimpsed him but he had run under a pillow thought I had him but he disappeared again!! What am I going to do? Has he set up home in my bed? He always shows himself around now. Shaken all the pillows and the duvet and have sprayed the bed with perfume??? Thought the smell might put him off. Help! Help! I do not want to share a bed with this enormous thing.

I'd have checked into a hotel by now.

Three nights?

He's decided he's your new boyfriend. Deal with it.

Time to burn down your house.

go to AIBU thread 'to kill all the spiders'.

Read.

Accept that spider is going nowhere.

Burn down house.

Get one of these, you won't notice him then

Seriously. You have to burn your house down. It is the only option.

Not normally bothered by them but this feels like he has a plan! Strolling across the bed same time each night. How can I put him off??

Maybe put your rollers in and a big flannel nightie?

Why are you still living there? Run for you life before it decides to get too friendly!

this would be my response!

Maybe I should be flattered??

Obviously, it wants to share with you...

Or it thinks you should be on the sofa, away from ITS bed!

I don't know only, if he only loiters giving you the 8 eyes before scuttling away nowhere to be seen each night, I'd be worried about his intentions

I came on here for ideas about how to get rid of this unwanted intruder now I feel like I am being seduced in my own home whilst my dh is away, the very night it all started incidentally!! Maybe he will look less scary if I light a few candles!! At least I don't feel so scared anymore. Wonder what his name is? He did look strong and youthful.

Yes, the candles.
Then the giant spider-shaped shadow flickering across the wall!

Put a radio on near you. They run away from noise.

His name is George.

George? He seemed quite athletic. Not sure about George? Wonder what he thought of me spraying perfume all over the bed!

That's just encouraging him only

Clearly first the shrieking and screaming as the scurried up the bed towards me, then spraying perfume. I am sending mixed messages!

Does anyone have any tips on how to get rid of him???

I cannot share my bed with this beast!!

Poor spider, you need to tell him straight preferably with a very heavy implement

How long until your husband is back?

Get frying pan

Batter spider to death

Job done

Alternatively spray chestnut oil around.

That'll learn it.

I frigging hate spiders.

He is away 3 more nights!! But I suspect the spider knows this as we discussed the trip whilst in bed!!

Is that shallow frying in a flour,egg and milk mixture Salmo or attempting to bash the life out of it?

Ah, so he only has 3 days to get cosy. Hmm, ok. Well, 3 days isn't long so if he takes it badly your husband will soon be home to sort him out.

Personally, I think you should go psycho woman on him and hope he runs and never looks back. May be difficult given his eye situation though.

I scared a spider away while hammering solder the other day.

I'm also going to be terrified and itching when I go to bed tonight thanks to being daft enough to read this thread