To ask for help. I'm so overweight and I don't want to die

[Piratepete1]

I am massively overweight. BMI is about 42. I have been overweight for most of my life but have got much bigger after 2 babies, trouble conceiving, depressions etc.

Once again I have failed to make changes. This week I managed 1 gym visit and 3 days of healthy eating. Binged tonight on take away and huge amounts of chocolate as DH was working late.

I thought I would be able to do it for my children as I don't want to die and leave them. I want to run in the parents race instead of sitting there like a blob and letting my little ones down.

But I just can't do it. I am addicted to sugar and sweet things. I am an emotional eater. I eat when happy and when sad. Binge eating is now so ingrained I don't think I can ever change. I tried the Why Weight programme during and after pregnancy but failed and gave up. Tried all the slimming groups. Think it's surgery next but again I'm scared of dying from it.

What on earth shall I do

I'm the same. Haven't got a grip of my eating since having DC years ago. My BMI is over 30 again: keep thinking I've got a handle on it and I haven't.

Firstly one binge doesn't mean you have blown it. It means you have had one binge so if you can put that behind you and get back on track tomorrow.

Have you been to your GP? They should be able to support you with both the weight loss and more importantly the emotional eating/binging and refer you to people who can help if needed.

Good luck

Gosh sorry ... That wasn't helpful

You are not alone, I am very overweight and terrified that it is going to prematurely kill me. I have no motivation and feel depressed. I do like to walk quite a bit though and have a very active job .

Try eating-disorders.org.uk for information / support about binge eating.

I don't know what the answer is, but I think you are doing the right thing reaching out on MN. I hope there are posters here who know how to help, but I know there are people willing to talk, hold hands and generally cheer you on every step of the way. You don't have to do this alone!

Have you spoken to you're GP? Surgery won't cure your bing eating, you will need to work on that before surgery and you will need to keep working on it after surgery. Weight loss surgery can help tremendously but its not an easy fix, ask you're GP if there is any counselling available for binge eating.
(BTW, weight loss surgery is safer than getting your tonsils removed)

What about some therapy to address the emotional eating? Sorry you're struggling, must be very hard

hey! It's okay, it may be really really tough but you will get there :) you're not going to die, keep doing what you are with healthy meals and gym and ignore the binges. It won't go away over night

Could you get a personal trainer to see you every other day?

One walk of 2 miles after the school run?

Don't beat yourself up, it won't help

Hypnotherapy???
Counselling for emotional instability pthat may be fuelling food intake??
Applying to be on a TV programme where they help you??

Good luck. Don't lose hope. Be positive , this is surmountable.

Replace the chocolate bars with chocolate mouse, replace the sweets with Frozen grapes. Get walking. Join a proper slimming group and get motivated. Your children will benefit from this.

You can stop this eating.

I've got one of those fitbits and on the day I managed to go to the gym in did 10,000 steps. Most days I do 6-7000 as I am on my feet dashing around with the children all day. I'm sure if I could just get my eating under control I would lose weight. I've even made time to go to the gym 3 times a week by putting the children in nursery 2 mornings a week and I can do the 3rd whilst my eldest is at drama. I've done healthy eating meal plans but hate cooking and am a crap cook. DH wants to lose weight too but when one of us cracks and suggests a takeaway the other isn't strong enough to resist.

I think a trip to the doctors might be a good 1st step but I shall end up bawling my eyes out

Op, I'm the same. At times I despise myself. I don't eat big meals. I can never finish what's on my plate but I shovel chocolate and coke into my gob when I'm alone. I'm huge. Over 20st. I feel so sad. I've even developed type 2 diabetes. I'm not living a fun life. The house is always a mess too. I've not learned to drive, never been on a plane, never been on a proper little family holiday,hardly ever go out and won't go anywhere alone as I'm scared of being abused by strangers because I'm so big. I know what I need to do so why can't I do it? I never normally respond to threads like this as they can attract a few sanctimonious and cruel people but your op touched a nerve within me. You're not alone.

Thank you so much 0urKid. Your reply means so much. I completely understand how you feel.

What's wrong with bawling your eyes out? Nothing! It might even help the doctor to understand how much this means to you! So don't let that stop you. Good for you of going to the gym. That is a hugely positive step. Keep that going.

I lost a lot of weight on a low carb diet. I find it easier to cut out one group than cut back all round. Plus I do like my cheese and meat!

You're right that diet is a priority over exercise especially as it sounds like you are reasonably active anyway.

When I exercised the most I was the heaviest i'd been. I'd often grab a latte and cake on the way home as I'd be hungry after the gym and probably put on three times as many calories as I'd burned off...

That's not to say exercise isn't important but to lose weight changing your diet is more important.

If you hate cooking could you afford to do a diet meal delivery service?

Have you had any counselling to understand why you eat the way you do?

You can do this.

You can.

I went and spilled my soul to my gp who helped and referred me to WW. It was the kick up the bum I needed. I began at 20st 2lbs and have lost six stone 4.

Piratepete
You are not alone.
And there are quiet corners of Mumsnet that are incredibly supportive and motivational and occasionally ass kicking
Read this thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/weight_loss_chat/2376152-I-have-got-so-fat-I-cant-wipe-my-own-arse
It will cheer you up

and then get the over to that board and pick the group that feels most welcoming to get your head on the right path for your body to follow.

I haven't had counselling for my eating. I had some for my anxiety during pregnancy(due to many losses) and tbh it didn't help much so I am rather dubious now.

Ironically I always make healthy meals for my DC. I never want them to be overweight. They eat lovely, organic, veg heavy meals but then I choose to binge later. Ridiculous I know.

such a brave first step posting. The next step will be possible. Little by little. It really is possible. Hypnotism has helped a few people I know.

reading this made me incredibly sad. I too had an issue with food and my weight for many years, in fact I feel like the majority of my life has been spent on a diet of some description.

I lost 5 stone, it was a struggle A REAL STRUGGLE. I fell off the diet wagon more times than i care to remember. Each time I got straight back on it and pushed myself harder till I got to my ideal weight.

OP chin up, tomorrow is a new day

You're not alone OP

Binge eating is really common and like you say, it becomes engrained. I have periods where I feel in control of my eating and periods when it's definitely in control of me. I'm not sure what the solution is but you really aren't alone.

This has touched a nerve with me. I am big, always have been, at my heaviest I was 24 stone, 10 pounds, 5' 7". I had surgery, but the thing is, surgery doesn't work unless you are able to confront what makes you eat. I didn't die during surgery.

You could try www.oagb.org.uk/ They really helped me when I was at rock bottom.

I am currently 13 stone. But, I have had help with my underlying issues, and I understand about the portion sizes. Please speak to your GP, they will be should be supportive.

And good luck x

And please do PM me if you want to talk privately.

Bless you. It really is a vicious circle isn't it. I found 2 things really helped me:

1. Eat the good stuff first - if you're already making veg heavy meals for your DC make plenty and snack on that, so you're not ravenous even if you end up getting takeaway (I always used to over-order cos I was so hungry by that time then just eat it all as it was there)

2. Exercise literally any amount - gentle aqua class, walk, zumba anything - I always felt I didn't want to 'waste' that effort afterwards by eating crap

Good luck. It is hard but feels so good with every small victory cos you're doing it for your kids and more importantly, FOR YOURSELF!

Go Pete!

If I have junk food in the house I will eat it (all in one sitting sometimes) so I don't buy junk food. Or I'll buy it in small amounts- one twix rather than a pack of them (for example). Cutting out fizzy drinks has helped loads too. (There's 210 calories in a large coke from McDonalds!)

I've lost a lot of weight over the last two years just from not eating junk and being more active. I'm a size 22 now, which still isn't great for my height but is miles better than the 28/30 I used to be.

One binge doesn't mean anything in the long term. Get back on track tomorrow. Are you recording everything you eat? I do it in my fitbit app and find it really helpful because I can see a break down of what goes in verses calories used.

Good luck- it is bloody hard!

One day at a time is the best you can do. Mondays are crap days to start.

For some, it works better by not thinking you are going on a diet. Oh no, you are just eating healthily today. That's it, just today, just hang in there. Just one day. (Thursday)
(Friday) you've done it once, so maybe another day. Just today, only today, tomorrow you can eat gallons of chocolate, but just not today.
(Saturday) Tomorrow you can eat all the food you crave, but today, just today, only - 12 hours, if so -- just healthy food. Come on, just today, only one day

and repeat.
It won't be enough, do seek help, but just try to do it one day at a time. Pack your freezer with healthy food, super quick to defrost. Pack your fridge with things ready to eat (raw carrot to munch on). Do your shopping online, be strict. You really can't live without chocolate? Just sprinkle some on rice cakes. Plan your diet based on what YOU like, use coco powder on apples for ex, there's always a way.

You need to find the right group, the right exercise, something that will make you click

Good luck, you are trying to change for your children, you will. Of course you can change, everybody can. Just one day at a time. I hope your GP can be more helpful, but you'll get there.