To ask for help. I'm so overweight and I don't want to die

[Piratepete1]

I am massively overweight. BMI is about 42. I have been overweight for most of my life but have got much bigger after 2 babies, trouble conceiving, depressions etc.

Once again I have failed to make changes. This week I managed 1 gym visit and 3 days of healthy eating. Binged tonight on take away and huge amounts of chocolate as DH was working late.

I thought I would be able to do it for my children as I don't want to die and leave them. I want to run in the parents race instead of sitting there like a blob and letting my little ones down.

But I just can't do it. I am addicted to sugar and sweet things. I am an emotional eater. I eat when happy and when sad. Binge eating is now so ingrained I don't think I can ever change. I tried the Why Weight programme during and after pregnancy but failed and gave up. Tried all the slimming groups. Think it's surgery next but again I'm scared of dying from it.

What on earth shall I do

Have you tried hypnotism? I have this - Hypno Quit by Susan Hepburn book and CD 9.99 from Amazon. You only need 20 minutes a day to listen to the CD.

I have managed 2 weeks of not bingeing and it's been relatively easy. I've also managed not to self sabotage. For the first time in the 5 years I've been binge eating I feel that I have some control.

I wish you every success in losing the weight.

I'm sad to read your post. Please don't give up.

Take a hard look At your eating habits.
Times you crack, days etc

There are so many weight loss programmes one will suit you.

In my own case Ihate being deprived everyday so a cal ccontrolled daily diet doesn't work for me. I'm too miserable and I crack

I found5:2 the easiest for me as it was two days of deprivation but then I could still enjoy food. Socialise etc

Some people like the support of a club
There is low carbing, low sugar and many more.

Replace those large bars of choc with a smaller treat and only have a few in at a time
Get rid of all fizzy drinks low cal or sugar.

I replaced with fizzy water and a slash or cordial or fruit juice.

Takeaways are fine but make sensible choices. Tomato sauces chicken not red meat. Popadoms not nanns.

I know loosing weight is one of the hardest things you can ever do and to do have to be in the right headspace

Maybe see if your gp has a nurse based weight loss programme.

The diet boards here are good for examining what may work for you

Good luck!

My sister had brilliant results with hypnotherapy. She lost 8 stone in total. She put a wee bit back on, but has mostly kept it off for a couple of years. It's well worth a try before resorting to surgery.

The 8:16 diet may help you if you have evening binges.

Eat nothing till 3\4 pm then you can eat for eight hours. Make sure what you eat in that time is really tasty and satisfying try to keep to 1500 Cal's 5 days and 2000 the weekend. To should see some weight loss but the not following a difficult menu or completely cutting out treats. 1500 Cal's is a lot in 8 hrs so you should feel content.

I've not read all of the replies, but I'm in the same position.
Have you tried slimming world? You can binge as long as you binge on the "right stuff"
I tried it for a few weeks before I got married. Then fell off the wagon, but it is honestly amazing!

If you break down crying; you break down crying. The doctor won't judge you - if anything, they'll see just how badly this is affecting you.

A binge isn't the end of the world. It's a chance to have a fresh start, a new outlook and a positive mental attitude. Don't see the binge as the start of a downwards spiral, see it as the end of it - it's the start of the climb back up.

Different things work for different people. Some people benefit from diet plans. Some people benefit from smaller portions. Smaller portions has never worked for me, as I snack instead - so I go for fasting. For other people, fasting doesn't work as they just go crazy as soon as they break the fast. You have to find what clicks for you.

Online shopping is brilliant for restricting what's in the cupboards - there's no opportunity to just grab random snacky bits that you happen to see. Do a healthy online shop and stick to it.

If you have a wobble, think of your kids. Think of playing with them; of their faces when you run the parents' race. Sometimes the wobble might be too much, and you might binge, but that doesn't undo the work you'll have already put in. Every day of healthy eating is a step towards a better, healthier life. Every time you pick something healthy rather than junk food is a positive choice that you are making, not just for yourself, but for your kids too.

No judgement here, just hand-holding and the best of wishes for you

Op I recognise so much of what you say. I binge ate (still do actually) and eat when bored, busy, sad, happy...basically I eat.
Until the age of 30 if never successfully lost weight. I finally got a grip of it, found some motivation and lost 6 stone. I've crept back up a bit but have been within a couple of stone of my lightest for a good few years now.
There is no magic solution. It is hard. It involves changing many habits at the same time - portion size, snacking (I never used to snack as that implies periods of not eating), drinking . The thing is as soon as you get into the groove and the weights going off you start to see yourself feeling and looking so much better. Clothes are looser. You feel lighter in yourself. It doesn't take long before you notice other things. I found a weird lump in my chest one day. It was a rib.
I decided I was going to develop diabetes in the next few years and / or have a heart attack in my 40s. That kick started me. As soon as I'd lost about a stone I realised I'd had joint pain in my knee and it had gone I realised I spent all my time in a state of bloated Ness and learned how it feels to have a non full to bursting stomach. I learned nothing bad happens if I get hungry.
Loads of that won't apply to you I'm sure. But some might and I honestly think I was probably as bad as it gets and if I can do it most people can.

You could try baby steps introducing small changes that will help in the long term. For example, if you have cereal, pour it out as normal, then take a handful out and put back into the box. You will get used to less cereal. Then move onto gradually reducing your portion sizes. Then onto the snacks between meals.

A gradual approach is more sustainable in the long term. Good luck!

Take a look at this thread and see if you feel it is the place for you - if it is then you will do better avoiding WW and diets and getting proper counselling and an effective programme to help you

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/2354540-Binge-Eating-Disorder-Support-3

"This week I managed 1 gym visit and 3 days of healthy eating."

OP, that doesn't sound like the actions of someone that has failed and I notice that you have used that word not once but TWICE in your first post. Please give yourself a break and like others say, take it a day at a time. Seriously, you have managed more than a lot of people manage in a week and it will get better, you can do it. Try to stop being so negative about yourself, easier said than done I know! I'm sure you are your own worst critic but be kinder to yourself, its not easy changing lifelong patterns but it can be achieved.

Ok lots of people have given you great advice. Please don't mentally beat yourself for one bad day, we all have them that's why so many women diet their wholes lives we just can't seem to get the balance right because we put everyone else first.

Firstly go get an easy cookbook some like Jamie's ministry of food or the hairy dieters. DO NOT Buy a nigella! Then meal plan, I'm a crap cook too but it's easier if I don't have to stand in front of the freezer thinking about what to have when I'm already hungry. Once I start to feel hungry it's all over for me and I have to cook something quick, easy and usually unhealthy. Secondly make sure you prep your dinner early,it's easier to cook it if all the hard work is done plus if you've everything ready to go then ordering a takeaway defeats the object. What helped me was thinking you can have a takeaway but make it at home. Even a homemade korma is healthier than takeaway. We never stopped our Friday night takeaways we just made our own pizza, Chinese, Indian etc

Once you've planned your weeks meals if you can, shop online, it's less tempting to go off list if you are not in the shop seeing the nice but naughty stuff. Don't buy it. If you have a corner shop snack habit put pjs on as soon as you get home at night so going back out is a faff. Even so far as putting shoes upstairs will give you time to talk yourself out of a sugar craving.

Link your Fitbit with my fitness pal and record everything. Also with your Fitbit, 6-7000 steps is a great start but not enough to lose weight. set yourself challenges. Sorry if it's mean but on an inactive day I do over 10000, if I go for a run or to the gym I generally do 20000. Can you incorporate more walking? Maybe borrow someone's dog? it's such a great exercise when you are overweight as it doesn't stress the joints. Can you go swimming too?

Clear out your cupboards, do it tomorrow. The children will not suffer if there are no treats for them for a while. A friend of mine lost 8 stone last year. She now takes her children out for an ice cream if she wants to treat them. It feels like a special occasion and they love having that time with her. She can now control herself enough to allow small bags of sweets into the house but she still won't buy multipacks or family size bags and it took her a long time to get to that point.

If you have a sweet tooth I find melting a spoon of Nutella and peanut butter in the microwave and dipping Apple into it gives me a chocolate kick without being too naughty and gets some fibre and vitamins in too. If you need to snack in the evenings I used to have a small bowl of cereal, something biscuit like like crave that I could eat individually with my fingers. It feels like biscuits, it has a bit of chocolate, It's not healthy but it is better than the alternative.

Please have a look at something like parkrun or join a walking club, runners are all very nice, non judgemental people and it will give you a healthy support network if you don't feel weight lose clubs will help you.

I'm sorry that it's a bit of an essay but I've been where you are, I know how horrible it is to feel so helpless against your own body but now I'm a size 10 and I lift weights. I'm doing a 10k on Saturday and I'm signed up to a marathon in November. What worked for me was finding a supportive group of active friends and making these tiny eating changes. My weekends used to be sitting on the sofa eating as much crap as I could carry home, now because I feel fitter and because TV is crap without snacking I want to be out doing something.

Please pm me if you need to talk like i say I've been there, I know just how you feel, it took me 10 years to find a way that worked for me and I can't tell you how many binges I must have had in that time. Don't give up. Tomorrow is another day and another chance.

Have you tried hypnotherapy? It worked like magic for me

Great advice from Allbymyselfagain.

One slip does not mean you are off the wagon permanently. Like others have said, we've been there too and know all about it. Don't berate yourself, love yourself. You are on the right track with one or two detours. I was sick of being called a fat cunt by my own family and made up my mind: never, ever again. I would eat three large servings of fries, two quarter pounders, three McFlurrys and a whole batch loaf as a meal. If I can be of any help, PM me love - I'm here for you

I don't know if anyone has mentioned the low carb bootcamp run on here. It is not easy but the support is good and cutting carbs helps break that addiction. There is usually a new one starts about now I think

My bmi was 50
gastric bypass has got me to a normal size. I still have an eating disorder but I'm no longer fit to burst.
it's so horrendous facing the amount you have to lose that I couldn't do it alone

Some great ideas and mutual support on this thread, and my heart goes out to you, PiratePete, and others in your situation.

There are a couple of great links on here, and I'd like to add one more - to the current 5:2 thread, no 56.

This is one of the friendliest, most supportive threads on Mumsnet, which has helped hundreds, if not thousands, of posters to lose weight and keep it off. Including me. I lost 24lbs on this method almost 3 years ago, and I've maintained this loss ever since.

Your title, OP, which includes the words, "…and I don't want to die" I found very poignant. The 5:2 method, also known as Intermittent Fasting (IF), is not actually a diet as such - the weight-loss is merely a very welcome side-effect. The premise behind IF is that fasting helps guard against (or even prevent) diabetes, heart disease, cancer, Alzheimer's and more.

The initial inspiration for this WOL (Way of Life) came from Dr Mike Mosley's Horizon programme of August 2012, 'Eat, Fast, and Live Longer'. (It's also linked to in the OP of thread 56.)

There are four important 5:2 threads: the main thread, a weight maintenance thread, an exercise thread and a thread full of inspirational stories posted by successful IFers.

I want to stress again the friendliness and support available on those threads - well worth checking out!

Good luck!

Eating healthily for three days and going to the gym once is a really good start. There are many many people who can't even hey that far. I think be proud of yourself for your achievement so far.

I am so sorry you are feeling so bad ((hug)) Have you heard of the wine sampling method? Basically it allows you to sample whatever you like (obviously not wine in this case but it could be if you drink to excess too) but you don't swallow iyswim.

And because you don't swallow you'd need a receptacle next to you which you empty afterwards. While this is not something you'd necessarily want people to watch you doing it would help with the sweet cravings until you can manage them by willpower alone. So it is a stop gap solution. And you don't have to wait until you have a bucketful before emptying it, just a small bowl will do.

This way you can have whatever your eyes and heart crave but your stomach/waistband does not have to suffer.

Obviously it could be seen to compound the eating disorder but what often happens is that once you get used to the idea that you can have whatever you like, when you like, the novelty wears off. And chucking the contents in the sink or down the loo can start make you think a bit more about what you are putting in your mouth and how it's making you feel.

Then it would be a good time to rehaul your diet too, and only actually eat things that are healthy and nutritious. Humans need a surprisingly little amount of food, no processed foods at all and if you find you can't stick to 3 meals a day there is nothing wrong with being just a grazer and not having big meals at all. You'll need to make sure your diet is rich in veg, nuts, seeds etc for that to work well.

Good luck op!

Easyloss virtual gastric band - £5 from App Store. It's hypnosis. Absolutely brilliant at helping reset attitudes to food and has a great Facebook support page. Try it - you've got nothing to lose.

I really feel for you and have been there. What eventually worked for me after years of yo-yoing was to stop wanting such drastic changes straight away.

Start with one small change. That change might be swapping sugar in your tea to sweetener but make the change and stick to it. The idea is that once you have gotten used to that then go on and change another thing. Swap full fat or semi skimmed milk skimmed. These changes feel so small you wonder why you are even bothering.

Weight loss is all about burning more calories than your body puts in. Every time you reduce calories in your diet even slightly you will start to lose. Who cares if it slow than a snails pace. As long as you are losing trust me the motivation starts to kick in at some point.

Because changes are slow they are almost unnoticeable and you are more likely to stick to them. Take our time with it and say away from the scale for a bit. There is nothing worse than obsessing about the number or trying to reduce it too quickly.

Hi OP, I can't give advice that I know will work. But I can tell you about me.

I was 20 stone when I had my last child. I am now 10.5. It took 4 years. My big break through was when I stopped beating myself up for not losing any weight in a certain week, or because I fell off the wagon. I celebrated evey small win. I praised myself for eating well for one day. I started beinf proud of my small achievements and not beating myself up for a something bad.

I hate all forms of exercise. But not I am gym regular and a healthy weight. It's can be done. But you have to stop being so hard on yourself.

Oh and I also got a fitbit and made sure I did 10k steps a day, but I also used my fitness pal and made myself a rule that anything that passed my lips when on there. Even if I had a binge. Seeing it written down telly helped me.

Rain and Spartan's one-day approach is so sensible.

You can change, or at least, you can develop coping strategies that will reduce bingeing. Before you do anything else, I'd really recommend working out your binge triggers. Keep a diary for a few weeks. Do you overeat from boredom, stress, frustration etc? If you dont address the urge to binge then no diet will ever really work.

I see this as a two prong strategy- first, you need to try to reduce the number of binges through either avoiding the triggers or developing alternative ways to cope with them (I know someone who used Candy Crush but she's now addicted to that so maybe not ). Then you need to reduce the damage you can do if you do binge by not having chocolate, coke, biscuits, crisps, in the house. Make it hard to massively overeat. Dont have a lot of food that can be eaten "as is" other than vegetables and boring stuff like plain breadsticks. If you need to cook it to eat it, it reduces the temptation massively.

If you can do these things, you may find that your weight drifts down without the need for "a diet".

Re cooking, I am really very untalented but I find the "easy" section of BBC Good Food quite helpful (their chilli is really good and freezes well) or I make really simple things like salmon/ chicken breast baked in foil with lemon juice, S&P and white wine or jacket potatoes with lean ham. I'd eat those with spinach (pierce bag and microwave) or salad. I also got a spiraliser and use that to make "courgetti" to use in place of rice or pasta for a bit of a lighter meal. Greek salad is also really easy to make. I guess I'm a bit "old skool" in terms of eating as I generally just try to avoid really high fat foods and sugar. Anyway, just saying that you dont have to be some amazing chef to eat healthily.

Please try slimming groups again the support and help you get in a good SW or WW group can really make the difference and they are full of people who feel as you feel you aren't alone you aren't a failure you can succeed at this. Believe, dream, plan repeat til you succeed xxx

Things I am learning:

1. Be kind to yourself. Shift your focus from wanting to lose weight to wanting to feel better. I've moved mine to wanting to feel stronger and have more stamina - I'm sick of feeling knackered all the time. This has probably been the most helpful to me.

1. Don't overdo it. Start small. So, aim for 3000 steps if you normally do a 1000 - don't leap right to the biggest number.

1. This is a life journey. I used to stop as soon as I fell off the diet wagon. Don't. Make healthy choices today. If you binge later, make healthy choices as soon as you realise and stop yourself.

1. Let yourself have the odd day off - I think the binge mentality comes from when you think you will never have it.

1. Pick activities you like or make them social - drag a friend for a walk.

1. Get some counselling to talk through your feelings about things. Go to the GP for a referral if you can't afford to pay one.

1. Join a slimming group for the company and support.

For the first time ever I have started to lose weight, had days off, gone back to it and started to really see the benefit of exercise rather than it just being to lose weight. I was very ill at the end of the last school year and the future I was looking at was bleak. Because I am no longer worried about weight (which is high), I am now focusing on health, something seems to have shifted for me. It is slower than my past 3/4lbs a week, but I don't really care as I feel loads better and in control.