To ask for help. I'm so overweight and I don't want to die

[Piratepete1]

I am massively overweight. BMI is about 42. I have been overweight for most of my life but have got much bigger after 2 babies, trouble conceiving, depressions etc.

Once again I have failed to make changes. This week I managed 1 gym visit and 3 days of healthy eating. Binged tonight on take away and huge amounts of chocolate as DH was working late.

I thought I would be able to do it for my children as I don't want to die and leave them. I want to run in the parents race instead of sitting there like a blob and letting my little ones down.

But I just can't do it. I am addicted to sugar and sweet things. I am an emotional eater. I eat when happy and when sad. Binge eating is now so ingrained I don't think I can ever change. I tried the Why Weight programme during and after pregnancy but failed and gave up. Tried all the slimming groups. Think it's surgery next but again I'm scared of dying from it.

What on earth shall I do

[Shockers]

Get yourself a fitbit wristband and get out walking.
Google healthy snacks... almonds are great and the fats are good ones.
Eat protein at breakfast.
Don't panic and feel that all is lost if you have a bad day.

Good luck.

[Rollermum]

I recommend Overeaters Anonymous (like Modre up thread). They will help you step back from the binging dieting cycle and get some mental peace to address food issues.

They have online and face to face meetings. They are friendly and have seen it all before. PM me if want more info.

[StillFrankie]

My BMI is over 30 too but can't remember exact figure. I too gorge on chocolate and sugary drinks.

I have a personal trainer but I'm not losing any weight and she tells me that's because its something like 70% diet - exercise isn't enough.

Don't cut out the chocolate, but maybe look for smaller bars/healthier versions?

Easier said than done, and I should know.

We're here for you OP, we can all help each other x

[VirtuosoRidiculoso]

Just thinking, people who are slightly overweight may be able to use simple methods to lose weight. I'm guessing that your BMI means you won't be able to lose weight with standard weight-loss plans and may need specialist advice. I'm not an expert so look into it but I imagine if you think you're giving it a go and your efforts are not working at all you will just blaming yourself and feel much worse. Best to get a professional to give you a proper personalised plan of action.

[Mermaidhair]

I am going to be harsher with you, as I am hoping it is what you need. You can do it, at the moment you are choosing not to. Let that sit with you for a little while. I am not saying it to be unkind or mean, you are the only one in control. You need to change your thinking and stop with any excuses. You need to concentrate on your diet. Exercise is only a tiny portion of it, so you are best to concentrate your efforts on eating the right foods. It is hard, but I promise it will get easy and you will feel amazing. Picture your end goal and hold onto it. For you and I hope you make the changes necessary.

[Germgirl]

Re the surgery: I had a gastric sleeve op in May this year. So fat I've lost six stone, I've got about the same amount again to lose before I'm just 'overweight' rather than morbidly obese. My bmi was 55 when I started, it's now 43.
It's not easy, but it is safe, safer than staying very large.
I have spent the last 25 years losing weight and then putting it back on plus more each time.
Finally that cycle has been broken. The gastric op doesn't fix your brain, I still want to eat rubbish but it's physically impossible for me to do so. So in that way, the op does force you to lose weight, it's also forced me to look at everything I put in my mouth and evaluate if it's good for me or not. I need to eat at least 60g protein per day and if I eat rubbish I can't get the protein in and I will become ill and bald. This simple fact makes me think about what I eat.
If you want any more info regarding surgery please pm me. I'm more than happy to discuss anything.
Good luck. It's hard, incredibly hard.

[Germgirl]

I think the trouble is, when you have a lot of weight to lose is so disheartening. You know that you're going to have to 'diet' for so long to show a decent result that it seems impossible.
When you're very big, eating a bit less and moving a bit more, while an excellent start, just isn't enough.

[QuiteLikely5]

Op

Start small. You don't have to go in hard and fast.

I dare say you are totally addicted to sugar.

Are you drinking lots of full fat drinks. If so please swap to diet versions.

Your take aways, are you having 3/4 each week? Cut it down to two each week.

Watch a video on you tube called 'butter makes your hips melt'

Keep us posted with your progress

[Piratepete1]

Thanks everyone for your support. It means so much.

Normally I would have given up now and eaten crap until starting again on Monday. But instead I am starting again today. I have thrown the family bag of twix I had left from yesterday away and will be attempting to make a healthy pizza and salad for dinner tonight instead of the usual takeaway. I might even try and go for a swim as its nursery day today. Tonight I'm going to join a weight loss thread on here.

[Lurkedforever1]

Don't try and diet. Going straight from takeaways and loads of sugar to a healthy diet isn't sustainable.
Aim at first simply to substitute for healthier choices. If that means you are filling up on a load of potatoes at your evening meal, then for now that's fine.
Jackets or new potatoes eaten to the point of feeling full may not be ideal long term for you, but they are a massive improvement on takeaways. And sustainable over weeks and months. Ditto evening junk binges, even if you swop the chocolate to something like cream cheese and crackers for now. Both those swops would break the takeaway and sugar habits, and while they aren't as ideal as filling up on veg and stopping the snacks, you will fill up on less calories than you are.
Only once you aren't even thinking about the crap, should you think of reducing the potatoes/rice/ pasta/ bread for more suitable long term choices. And more importantly it's something that's realistically achievable, which you need mentally.

Exercise wise find something you'd actually like to do long term as activity, even if just now it's not physically possible. So eg if you think dancing looks fun as a more long term goal, you aim at first to walk or swim enough to take up a low level exercise class, then once fit enough for that, you aim for something more vigorous and so on till you are fit enough to take up the beginner dance class etc.

You didn't wake up one morning and take up bad eating habits, gain loads of weight and stop exercising, all of that will have taken years. So don't see yourself as a failure for not being able to sustain an overnight change back again.

[Pranmasghost]

Slimming World ready meals from Iceland are massive and most are really tasty. SW also has some lovely recipes for sweets too. I have a massive craving for sweet stuff so I found the least calorific/most nutritious and managed to allow myself a fix when I really needed one.
Jaffa cakes
Ginger nuts
Frozen grapes
Any berries/cherries/apples/oranges
Frozen chocolate buttons
Two squares of dark chocolate
Mini Magnum
Bahlsen chocolate biscuits
Maltesers(6)
Sweet/Salt popcorn
Mini treat size chocolate bars.

[Spartans]

Also don't focus on the whole amount you have to lose. Just think about the next half stone or even pound. Or even more steps. Give yourself small goals that are easy to reach. Looking at the big numbers can be daunting.

[Stellar67]

Yes, join a thread on here. There's a few. I'm on the 4st to lose one. People have more, or less to lose. We are all in the same boat, and support each other through highs and lows.
I have a Fitbit. Try a goal on that this next couple of weeks. Maybe hitting the 10k steps?
You can do it. It's hard. Dig deep for the willpower.

[Seriouslyffs]

I'm really impressed at your activity levels and resolve! YY to stocking up on better for you snacks, even bad for you things in little packages and working out the better things to order from the takeaway.

[Allbymyselfagain]

Well done OP. Just think in the past you didn't wake up and think today is the day I'm going to binge, it was habit. What youre trying to do is change years of subconscious behaviour, it will take time and it will be hard.

Not being nasty but your not different or special in that respect. You think your the only one who has this problem but this thread shows your not. I watch biggest loser every year and every single one of them says I didn't want to get to this but I gave up. They all think they are not able to lose the weight. We've all done it, but one day at time and you can do it too.

Good luck today and if you feel like snacking paint your nails, phone a friend, go for a walk, put some hand lotion on anything to distract your hands.

[HarveySchlumpfenburger]

I think if you are prone to all or nothing thinking, then a complete lifestyle change may not be workable because you will end up thinking you've failed totally if you've fallen off the wagon. If OTOH you find that a way of eating such as low carb or intermittent fasting works for you go for that.

You might find it easier to make one or two small changes at a time. Apparently it takes 23 days to create a new habit. So you could try and set a goal for something you are going to do or not do everyday for one month. That way you have an end point and it might seem more achievable. Once you've done that month, hopefully it will have become a habit, and you can set yourself a new goal.

The binge eating is harder, and you might need more help with that. The hypnosis suggestions are good. As is trying to identify triggers by noting times, feelings, mood etc. Could you try distraction? So if you feel the need to binge could you do something else for 15-30mins? Something like exercise, knitting or anything that would make it quite difficult to eat while you are doing it would be good.

Agree about not focusing too much on the numbers. Thinking of it as a long term plan for being healthier might be easier.

[EEVEElution]

Hi Piratepete, I'm sorry to hear what you're going through and it all sounds very familiar. I would also recommend OA (overeaters anonymous), it's really good to have a group of people who are going through the same thing and also to hear the stories of hope and recovery. If you live in London I'd be happy to go with you, or drop me a PM if you have any questions.

[Battleshiphips2]

Well done for acknowledging that you need to do something op. It's so hard to lose weight. I have a struggle with it and have done since my early 20's when I was diagnosed with PCOS. I have recently lost 3 stone by sticking to a paleo diet (meat, veg, fruit, nuts and seeds). I'm type 2 diabetic and this way of eating has brought my levels to that of a normal healthy person. It obviously is not going to work for everyone but if you try a few different things and see what works best for you. I still need to lose weight but I'm pregnant at the minute and the only things I can eat are potatoes, bread and pasta. All things which are terrible for me and I don't normally eat them. I haven't put any weight on though. Can't wait till I can eat my normal diet again. I love being able to run with my ds more and just feeling better in general. Hope you find something that works for you.

[coffeeslave]

It sounds like you might have an eating disorder (or at least disordered eating), and this is what you need to treat, not your weight. You can re-learn how to eat.

I have found a lot of comfort in reading work by Michelle, the Fat Nutritionist. She's a registered dietitian in the US who helps people to re-learn how to eat normally & confidently: www.fatnutritionist.com/

[FluffyMcnuffy]

Oh OP I totally feel your pain

I'm 1/2 stone in to a 5 stone mission and my god it feels like I have a fucking mountain to climb!

YY to the person who said diets don't start on a Monday! Key thing is, don't panic if you fall off the wagon and have a binge, just resume healthy eating ASAP. It's a marathon not a sprint.

Make sure you remember as well that every single pound counts and every pound is an achievement. I know I tend to give up when I feel like I'm not making progress, so I get a pound bag of sugar and hold it when I'm feeling low to remember just how much a pound is (more than you think!).

Have you tried swapping potatoes for sweet potatoes? Diet/low fat alternatives? YY to making your own takeaways, will enable you to measure portions better! Also my fitness pal is good for tracking what you eat and has really helped me stay below 1200 cals per day.

Losing weight is 70% in the kitchen and 30% in the gym so don't put so much pressure on yourself to kill yourself exercising. That's what I did last time around and I just ended up feeling disheartened and bingeing when I didn't have the time/energy to go.
Also to be frank, running is miserable when you're as porky as me as everything aches.

I guess the best thing you can do is start your journey and never give up! A shit day is a shit day, but you'll find as you go on less and less days become shit ones . PM me if you need anything.

[Dogzeyes]

Why don't you try CBT counselling (it will help with the all or nothing thinking and other unhelpful thought patterns)

YY to healthier substitutions, could you make a rule like only two takeaways a month and go all out for them and eat what you want but only do it twice a month?

Buy smaller plates or eat out of cereal bowls helps control portion size you psychologically feel like you are eating more if your small plate is overflowing rather than an empty looking large plate.

Or don't buy chocolate and other unhealthy foods so they are not in the house? Or have a special treat drawer and say you are allowed one thing a day only and stick to it.

What about taking up crocheting or knitting or something (I used to eat loads while I was watching TV, but doing something else with my hands helped me get out the habit)

Although all of this requires willpower, maybe putting reminders around the house about why you are doing his will help. Write a list of all the positives of loosing weight and stick them around the house around tempting areas like on the fridge or takeaway menu.

Chew sugarless gum so snacking is less convenient?

I wish you all the best! You can do it and don't worry about slip ups that is only normal just pick yourself up and carry on!

[AlbusPercival]

Hi Pirate,

i promise you, you can do it. I have been where you are, but I am slowly getting out of it. 5 weeks ago, I weighed 23.5 stone. Today I weigh 22. Still overweight, but a hell of a difference already.

What has worked for me is trying to understand if I am actually hungry in my body, or if my mind is hungry for something. If it is my body, I give it the fuel it actually needs. If it is my mind, I find another way to satiate that, mindfulness meditation works for me, or if I have longer a disney film

I have also been using MFP and a fitbit like device together. I am working on the basis if I want something, I need to earn it. I ate a cookie at lunchtime, but I earned it by going for a swim this morning, and burning more calories than are in the cookie.

I am also doing a swimming challenge. Before I would swim but only do 20 odd lengths and think, great, been swimming now I can eat what I want. The swim challenge means I push myself to swim further and faster each time, and I am raising money for a great cause.

I still have days where I am not perfect, like my birthday last week, and I imagine the holiday I am going on in a few weeks, but even if a I put a litte weight on then, I figure it is better to put a little on top of 22 stone, than 23.5.

Good luck!

[popcornpaws]

14 month ago my bmi was 44.9, today it is 25.7.
What worked for me was having a think about where my overeating was going, the effect it was having on my health etc.
I didn't join a diet club because i wanted to do this for myself and be accountable for what i eat and when i weighed myself.
People i work with have been going to diet clubs for years and have learned nothing and still "cheat" after their weigh in etc.and i didn't want an unhealthy relationship with food anymore.

I broke free, i write a food plan a week in advance and pin it to my cupboard and tick off the meals/snacks when aim about to eat them. simple calorie counting.
I dont change it or come off it at all and on the days theres a celebration meal/party whatever i write day off and eat what i want without trying to work out how many calories I've eaten.
The next day is straight back to following my plan.
I enjoy food but look at it as fuel now, i had the sweetest tooth ever and now it wouldn't cross my mind to buy a put of sweets or biscuits.

It becomes a way of life as the months go by and when you see the weight falling off it feels great, i am so much happier healthier and proud that I've finally managed to halt the merry go round of being greedy.

[Ta1kinPeace]

What Breadandwine forgot to mention up thread is that he lost the weight after he turned 70.
And in doing so he has extended his healthy life span by many, many years.

You have to think why you want to change your life - as that is what successful weight loss involves.
For me it was to get rid of chronic knee pain.
For Michael Mosely (off the telly) it was to reduce of dying of a heart attack before he was 60.
For others its to avoid Diabetes

and the evidence is now piling up pardon the pun that Alzheimers and dementia are linked to being overweight and under active.

If you think about your long term health, each day is just a step on the journey.
Some steps are big, some are small, some are sideways, but they are all steps.

You are worth it.

[fuzzpig]

you are very brave.

I am hoping that little changes one by one will work for me.