To think my 5yr old and her friend shouldn't be able to wander out of the class room and go wandering for 10 mins without her teacher noticing ?

[ilooklikemrsploppy]

Background : I've took a bit of an instant dislike to DD's teacher but am trying my best not to be the psycho, over protective mother that teachers must come up against all the time. I find her very abrupt and stern for a P1 teacher. On the few occassions I've spoke with her she has also insisted on speaking to me as though I'm also 5 despite being 41. She's early 20's. I know DD can be a handful and is a mischevious wee minx given the opportunity.

Today DD met me at the school gates in floods of tears as her face had been moved down from the green zone (all is good in the world) into the red zone (you lose half your golden time on a Friday afternoon). She mumbled something about going to the toilet with her friend but I couldn't make sense of what she was saying. So I approached the teacher with DD hanging off one arm in floods of tears and DS hanging off the arm moaning about wanting to go home. I asked why her face had been moved and her teacher told me that DD and her friend had decided to leave the class room without asking and went for a wander. Her teacher said that she got a fright and was looking for them before they eventually appeared about 10 mins later. They'd gone to the loo. She said that it was obviously unacceptable for them to do this and she had to know where the pupils were at all times. In between two screaming/crying kids I couldn't think of everything I should have said but when I was driving I thought "how the fuck did they actually get out the class room without her noticing ?" I've been quizzing DS and he says sometimes the class room doors are open, sometimes closed depending on what the teacher is teaching at the time. DD was naughty but AIBU to think that two 5 yr olds shouldn't be able to sneak out a classroom. There was never any chance of them getting out of the building as there is a main door which is a security type door and the janitor sits there.

"You must have anticipated that criticising the teacher in that manner would cause people to look at your attitude and role in the event."

The OP wasn't there. Her child has just started school and pushed her first boundary. No doubt, she's learned for next time. You cannot suggest that the OP has any role to play?!

I also agree that YABU. I know someone who is always complaining to the school about issues similar to this. She would describe her daughter as 'spirited' and 'easily bored'. I personally think that she she doesn't have high enough expectations of her behaviour and is always finding excuses for her.

Murfles Dd is actually my 2nd born
Problem is Ds has pretty much been model pupil so I've never had to question how things work in the school.

The 'crying' as described sounds more to me like pitching a fit on both their parts. ('Two screaming/crying kids', one of whom met the OP at the school gates 'in floods of tears'). Crying and making a huge fuss in order to get your way (DS) is manipulative. If the DD did it because she felt unjustly punished or that her mother could be sympathetic if she shed tears then that is manipulative too.

Children in the early years in school can be manipulative. It is a normal part of their development. You see it in a tendency to tell tales on other kids and in outrage when they themselves have been punished in school. They have a developing sense of fairness and their ability to tell right from wrong is growing gradually, but as it develops it often involves a strong belief that they are right and everyone else is wrong. A parent can help it along by discouraging attempts to get the parent onside when rules have been broken.

' They have a developing sense of fairness and their ability to tell right from wrong is growing gradually, but as it develops it often involves a strong belief that they are right and everyone else is wrong. '

Then they are usually fine for a few years...until they hit their mid-teens and the process starts all over again.

You cannot suggest that the OP has any role to play?!

Not in the child leaving the room, no. But in writing the OP, yes. Which is the source of the criticism.

Reception is a huge learning curve for the parents of spirited children too.

What is your background/occupation Mathan? I still think manipulative is a horrible word to use when talking g about any child. Ironically I'm often told that both dcs are lovely kids.

I didn't say DCs couldn't be manipulative but there is no evidence that was what happened. DCs cry for lots of reasons - too tired; not tired enough; hungry; grumpy; embarrassed at getting into trouble; sad that they lost golden time.

oops - xpost - I was replying to math

I remember getting into trouble at school and crying buckets. I wasn't trying to manipulate anyone. I was just embarrassed and ashamed.

Perhaps your daughter could concentrate on earning at least some of her Golden Time back.

Nippie - well she's only got one day to do that so she'll need to pull a blinder!

I could be wrong it certainly wouldnt be the first time. Very much doubt it will be the last, but I cant help thinking posters my self included would have been a lot more sympathetic had your post bit begun with
Back story. I have taken a bit of an instant dislike to dd's teacher. That is going to make people think your low opinion of her cloud your judgement
Although I am with you about manxiety calling your DD manipulative. It was s bit naughty, that

Murfles Dd is actually my 2nd born
Problem is Ds has pretty much been model pupil so I've never had to question how things work in the school.

All children are different when they start school, some settle much easier than others. It may take DD longer to adjust and learn what's acceptable and what's not in class. It can take some children a good year to understand what's expected of them and this isn't unusual.

It's nice if you gel with your child's teacher, but sometimes, that has little to do with how much your child likes them, and how well they teach

I agree with mathanxiety

She's been punished by missing some golden time, so I'm sure hope she's learnt her lesson.

I use to work in a Reception class and the classroom door was always left open, but the children knew they weren't allowed to go out to the loos or cloakroom without asking. Sometimes a child would and they receive a stern telling off and their name moved down the beanstalk- so the same as your dd. It never crossed my mind that it was mine or the teachers fault that a child had sneaked out when they'd been told that they must never do that.

OP, I'm just wondering how you expect the teacher to prevent a child leaving unnoticed? Physically how would you like her to manage that?

I still don't understand why one of your dc was screaming whilst you were talking to the teacher just because they wanted to go but hopefully you've all calmed down now.

When my DS was 6 he spent the best part of an afternoon up a tree in the school grounds before being missed and found! He is a teacher now!

I'd expect a 5 year old, with no additional needs, to know that they aren't allowed to just go off wandering (in school or anywhere else for that matter).

Your dd knew wandering was wrong but did it anyway. Can you imagine how hard a teacher's job would be with 30 'spirited' little angels? like most of our current year 1 .

OP I disagreed with you and questioned your choice of word when you called your dd a minx but I think you are getting a bit of a hard time here. People taking one post and running with it, until it becomes something totally different.

Ilooklikemrsploppy hoping you see the situation for what is is now; your daughter misbehaved, she was punished accordingly and you have now realised that teachers DON'T have eyes in the back of their heads (but please, maintain that they DO when talking to children!!!!) and it is perfectly and reasonably possible for children to sneak out when an adult isn't looking. I'm a teacher and when talking to a child/group, it takes just seconds for a child to bolt and unless we take a head count every minute of every hour, it will be a short while before we realise!

As someone said, I think your reaction was perfectly justified IF she had bolted from school, But she didn't, she was in the toilet as 99.9% of bolters generally go to for a 'muck about' and a 'granny's meeting' with their pals!!

Tomorrow is another day.

Having already said YABU about you reaction to the teacher, can I derail the thread and say how much I despise such shaming techniques as a board with faces that can be on red or green. Or those ones with clouds and sunshine etc.

Fair enough, your daughter should receive a punishment, I just hate this stick it on the wall to shame in front of peers attitude.

As you were