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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my 5yr old and her friend shouldn't be able to wander out of the class room and go wandering for 10 mins without her teacher noticing ?

253 replies

ilooklikemrsploppy · 17/09/2015 17:34

Background : I've took a bit of an instant dislike to DD's teacher but am trying my best not to be the psycho, over protective mother that teachers must come up against all the time. I find her very abrupt and stern for a P1 teacher. On the few occassions I've spoke with her she has also insisted on speaking to me as though I'm also 5 despite being 41. She's early 20's. I know DD can be a handful and is a mischevious wee minx given the opportunity.

Today DD met me at the school gates in floods of tears as her face had been moved down from the green zone (all is good in the world) into the red zone (you lose half your golden time on a Friday afternoon). She mumbled something about going to the toilet with her friend but I couldn't make sense of what she was saying. So I approached the teacher with DD hanging off one arm in floods of tears and DS hanging off the arm moaning about wanting to go home. I asked why her face had been moved and her teacher told me that DD and her friend had decided to leave the class room without asking and went for a wander. Her teacher said that she got a fright and was looking for them before they eventually appeared about 10 mins later. They'd gone to the loo. She said that it was obviously unacceptable for them to do this and she had to know where the pupils were at all times. In between two screaming/crying kids I couldn't think of everything I should have said but when I was driving I thought "how the fuck did they actually get out the class room without her noticing ?" I've been quizzing DS and he says sometimes the class room doors are open, sometimes closed depending on what the teacher is teaching at the time. DD was naughty but AIBU to think that two 5 yr olds shouldn't be able to sneak out a classroom. There was never any chance of them getting out of the building as there is a main door which is a security type door and the janitor sits there.

OP posts:
MiaowTheCat · 20/09/2015 18:56

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itsmine · 20/09/2015 18:57

This reply has been deleted

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Snossidge · 20/09/2015 19:01

I wouldn't punish a 4/5/6 year old again at home if they'd already been punished at school, any consequence should be immediate and relevant - especially not for something like this which tbh is a bit naughty but not all that serious, particularly as they are still getting used to the school rules.

ilooklikemrsploppy · 20/09/2015 19:05

Miaow - she's far from perfect and I can see that. I've told her off today for something else completely unrelated but because she wasn't listening and I had to repeat myself she's not had any ice cream after dinner or been allowed to watch one of her favourite cartoons. So she's not a spoiled brat and I'm not a complete walkover.

OP posts:
ilooklikemrsploppy · 20/09/2015 19:08

Itsmine - with regards to the teacher and the cuddles thing, I can kind of see where she's coming from. She can't have 22 kids jumping all over her wanting cuddles I suppose or be accused of favouritism - although if Dd keeps this up she could never be accused of that Grin

I've actually told her off for all the cuddling too. She went up to an elderly man in the supermarket a few weeks ago, complete stranger, and gave hime a cuddle. She thought he looked sad.

OP posts:
Itsmine · 20/09/2015 19:22

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ilooklikemrsploppy · 20/09/2015 19:43

Itsmine - the teasing was from older kids.

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 20/09/2015 19:57

All credit to the OP-you've taken all the replies and taken them on board :) ??

rollonthesummer · 20/09/2015 19:58

I don't know where the question marks came from!!

Bulbasaur · 20/09/2015 20:18

I'm sure you'd get far insisting the school budget for another staff member to ensure naughty children can't leave the room without permission

If we can do it with with 90% of our budget going to weapons and a paltry amount going towards education, I'm sure your country can make a few changes to legislate a smaller child to adult ratio. It's doable, it's simply a matter of getting priorities straight and hiring student teachers for low pay because they need experience. Unfortunately, it's not going to happen until there's an incident and it's going to be a child that ultimately pays the price for complacency. But pretending it's just fine and dandy that kids can wanders out of the classroom and disappear for 10 minutes, isn't doing anyone any favors.

Good to know you were able to watch 20+ 5 year olds, all busy doing different activities, without ever having to take your eyes off all of them to help a particular child though...

Would you know it, I actually did! And some of the kids were even younger! :) According to UK standards I must have superpowers. I sat down with a few individually and helped them on the different projects they chose. I know it sounds amazing, but I still managed to know which child was in the bathroom, and for how long. I did this by keeping the door within peripheral, seating them in groups of four, and scanning every so often to see that there were indeed four kids to a table, except the one that had three. Again, not that difficult. If the children are all doing wildly different things in the classroom, she needs a new teaching strategy. They should all either be doing sit down activities or doing a rambunctious activity as a group.

They're 5. I expect a 5 year old not to just leave, but I'm still vigilant to make sure they don't.

ilooklikemrsploppy · 20/09/2015 20:24

Thanks rolllon....thete were a few expletives along the way though!

OP posts:
Snossidge · 20/09/2015 21:05

They should all either be doing sit down activities or doing a rambunctious activity as a group.
That's not how the EYFS works. I've never been in a Reception classroom where children are restricted in that way - most classes will try to have free flow of children between inside and outside areas with free choice of activities for much of the day.

beefthief · 20/09/2015 21:41

Bulbasaur, you should use your school management superpowers to stop Americans from taking guns into classrooms and shooting children. It should be doable and easy, I've personally been in many rooms where children weren't shot, so it should be just as easy to implement a general policy.

beefthief · 20/09/2015 21:43

It's simply a matter of priorities.

Itsmine · 20/09/2015 21:50

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rachel0Greep · 20/09/2015 21:57

As I explained earlier in the thread ( if you've read the whole thing) I think Dd is finding school a bigger step than I'd thought it would be for her. She is extremely tactile and was always cuddling the nursery nurses. She's been told to stop cuddling in school, her teacher is understandably a bit stand offish when Dd approaches her for a cuddle (I've seen this first hand) and she was also teased and made fun of fir holding her wee friend's hand ( her partner in crime). Taking this all into account I think she's dealing with quite a lot at the moment so I'll trust my own judgement regarding any "punishment". And if she's still doing it at 6,8 or 13 then I''ll think back to all those perfect mothers on MN who were right all along.

Aww, poor little mite, it IS a big step, and you know what, t'is a long time since I was five, but I can just picture me and my best mate thinking it was great fun to go walkabout.
OP, I think you have done your best to impress on her that she must not do this again, and hopefully she won't. I've no real advice to offer tbh.

ilooklikemrsploppy · 20/09/2015 22:16

.....and the winner of the most tasteless post goes to.......

OP posts:
ilooklikemrsploppy · 20/09/2015 22:18

Rachel - thanks. She was in bed tonight saying she didn't want to go to school tomorrow Hope this will pass!

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 20/09/2015 23:25

So what do you suggest? Whole class toilet trips? Motion sensors? Bells around their necks?

Yes, no, and sort of.

Whole class toilet trips is how they managed when I was in school (in Ireland, many years ago) and again when my DCs were in school (US) not too long ago. Children were not allowed to go to the loo alone until they got to age 7, and hall passes were issued.

Kewcumber · 20/09/2015 23:38

Our school doesn't have any doors on the classrooms.

(watches Bulbosaurs head explode)

Pipbin · 20/09/2015 23:39

The primary school I went to was completely open plan. No walls let alone doors!

Kewcumber · 20/09/2015 23:42

Ours has a floor to ceiling open doorway where the door would normally be - so half open plan.

Rachel0Greep · 20/09/2015 23:45

Rachel - thanks. She was in bed tonight saying she didn't want to go to school tomorrow Hope this will pass!

Fingers crossed. I am sure it will be fine. Flowers

00100001 · 21/09/2015 08:18

Its nice to know that no child ever goes missing in a us school bulbasaur.

You didn't answer the question about how you're going tobget all these parents in the schools, seeing as you clewlry know everything about the DBS system her win the UK, Ibwpuld live to know your thoughts

00100001 · 21/09/2015 08:23

Oh wait, look, a 5 yo went missing just the other day and the school hadn't even noticed.
She was sound a few blocks away

So obviously a system where a child can esacaoe the ground unnoticed for hours is obviously better than system where a child was noticed after a few minutes and found in the same building... Hmm

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