Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my 5yr old and her friend shouldn't be able to wander out of the class room and go wandering for 10 mins without her teacher noticing ?

253 replies

ilooklikemrsploppy · 17/09/2015 17:34

Background : I've took a bit of an instant dislike to DD's teacher but am trying my best not to be the psycho, over protective mother that teachers must come up against all the time. I find her very abrupt and stern for a P1 teacher. On the few occassions I've spoke with her she has also insisted on speaking to me as though I'm also 5 despite being 41. She's early 20's. I know DD can be a handful and is a mischevious wee minx given the opportunity.

Today DD met me at the school gates in floods of tears as her face had been moved down from the green zone (all is good in the world) into the red zone (you lose half your golden time on a Friday afternoon). She mumbled something about going to the toilet with her friend but I couldn't make sense of what she was saying. So I approached the teacher with DD hanging off one arm in floods of tears and DS hanging off the arm moaning about wanting to go home. I asked why her face had been moved and her teacher told me that DD and her friend had decided to leave the class room without asking and went for a wander. Her teacher said that she got a fright and was looking for them before they eventually appeared about 10 mins later. They'd gone to the loo. She said that it was obviously unacceptable for them to do this and she had to know where the pupils were at all times. In between two screaming/crying kids I couldn't think of everything I should have said but when I was driving I thought "how the fuck did they actually get out the class room without her noticing ?" I've been quizzing DS and he says sometimes the class room doors are open, sometimes closed depending on what the teacher is teaching at the time. DD was naughty but AIBU to think that two 5 yr olds shouldn't be able to sneak out a classroom. There was never any chance of them getting out of the building as there is a main door which is a security type door and the janitor sits there.

OP posts:
ilooklikemrsploppy · 17/09/2015 18:51

Ilive - I may have taken an instant dislike to her but I still respect the fact that she has a very difficult job and agreed with her regarding the punishment for Dd. I'm adult enough to not particularly like someone (though it is early days so that could change during the year) but see when they are in the right. I think I'm probably a bit annoyed at myself for not asking her exactly what happened (door opened or closed, was she busy with another group etc) so I had a clearer picture in my mind. And I know Dd was in the wrong here- that was never my question.

OP posts:
Itsmine · 17/09/2015 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mathanxiety · 17/09/2015 18:53

YABVU

A teacher could be leaning over some work another student was doing, facing away from the door. A determined student could open the door and slip out. It wouldn't have to be open. I remember kids from my own schooldays carrying on when teacher's back was turned -- one sneaked to the blackboard and purloined the chalk and duster, one left the room, one crept behind the teacher and looked up her skirt. All happened when the teacher was attending to students in far corners of the classroom.

You say your child can be a minx, and describe her in floods of tears (manipulative?) and your DS moaning at you while you were trying to talk to the teacher. I think you need to set the bar higher. You can't expect children who get away with rudeness and bad behaviour outside of school to knuckle down in school.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 17/09/2015 18:56

OP You keep saying you took an instant dislike to her. Why is that?

ilooklikemrsploppy · 17/09/2015 18:59

Mathan - manipulative? Oh come on. I think most 5 yr old would be upset if they knew they were going to get a right telling off - which she did. Ds in a lovely kid, very polite but was wanting to go to the swing park. But you're right, I'm setting the bar too low and am basically just a shit mother.

OP posts:
vestandknickers · 17/09/2015 19:01

OP. If, as you say now, you agree with the punishment, agree that your DD was in the wrong and admit that your dislike of the teacher is irrelevant - what is the point of your post?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 17/09/2015 19:03

Mathan I don't really think it is appropriate to comment on the OP's general parenting due to one example she has given.

ilooklikemrsploppy · 17/09/2015 19:03

Paul - I found her very detached and almost business like with the kids. Ironically Dd really likes her which is all that matters at the end if the day. The Stepford wife description by another poster sums it up perfectly. Ds' s teacher seems far more approachable and has a real warmth about her. Dd's is almost robotic.

OP posts:
SmugairleRoin · 17/09/2015 19:06

It's hard to instantly drop the teaching voice a few minutes after you let the kids home - I have a different persona, way of carrying myself, manner of speech, everything when I am teaching. You don't realise how hard it is to instantly drop it when you've been essentially performing for most of the day.

Anyway, YABU - your little girl wasnt behaving herself and probably trying to push the boundaries and see what she can get away with. They all do it. But it's unacceptable to go wandering out of class and I think the teachers reaction was fair

ilooklikemrsploppy · 17/09/2015 19:08

Vest- I agreed that Dd was in the wrong to leave without asking and agreed with the punishment but was still concerned that she was able to leave the class room unnoticed hence the post. Having calmed down I now realise my expectations here are unreasonable but a new discussion on my general shit parenting skills appears to have kicked off.

OP posts:
abbieanders · 17/09/2015 19:10

You must have anticipated that criticising the teacher in that manner would cause people to look at your attitude and role in the event.

mathanxiety · 17/09/2015 19:12

The OP didn't mention trying to stop her children from interrupting her important discussion with the teacher. She mentions that her DS wanted to go to the park as a mitigating circumstance in connection with his exhibition.

All children feel that what they want is more important than anyone else's business. Where politeness comes in is understanding that adults having conversations are not to be interrupted no matter how much you want to go to play. Many children of school age have already learned this, and behave politely.

In between two screaming/crying kids I couldn't think of everything I should have said...
Are children who get away with interrupting adults who are trying to have a conversation, or disrupting a conversation to the point where one of the adults can't focus on it more or less likely to interrupt a teacher in class, I wonder?

BarbarianMum · 17/09/2015 19:19

Wow, calm down everyone. A small child was slightly naughty and got her card moved. Nothing to see here. Confused

MischiefInTheWind · 17/09/2015 19:24

You want the classroom fitted with a childgate? You want to explain to the other parents why it's necessary because of your DD?
Or you want her to learn a few basic rules, along with the 30 other children?

vestandknickers · 17/09/2015 19:26

Completely agree barbarian - but the OP came on here hoping everyone would agree that this 'robotic' teacher should have had eyes on every child at every minute of the day and should not have punished her child so harshly just because the ' wee minx' sloped off with her friend when she should have been in class.

ilooklikemrsploppy · 17/09/2015 19:33

vest do keep up please. I 've stated several times that I accept and agree with the punishment. I wasn't expecting a round of hugs, I know AIBU too well for that. I accept that I was expecting too much of the teacher.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 17/09/2015 19:37

What difference does it make if the classroom door was open or closed? Your dd knows that she is not to leave the room without asking.

MischiefInTheWind · 17/09/2015 19:37

It looks like the teacher's expectations of behaviour are high, which is good as most receptions are packed with small egocentric and lively little bodies at this point in the year.
Never mind, I'm sure next week will be just as exciting.

ilooklikemrsploppy · 17/09/2015 19:42

Mathan -I typed a long reply but don't know what happened to it. I did tell both dcs off for interrupting as I always do. I can only as see your children were always impeccably behaved and stood attention at your every word. And for what it's worth Ds has never he as much as a raised eyebrow from his teacher in the last 2 years and is perfectly behaved in class.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 17/09/2015 19:44

Why were both your (school age?) children screaming and crying while you tried to talk to the teacher? Hmm. I'd have been mortified at that...
Agree with Mathanxiety

ilooklikemrsploppy · 17/09/2015 19:44

Mischief - oh ffs don't say that! Smile

OP posts:
Murfles · 17/09/2015 19:46

I think the OP is getting an overly harsh time. I've been a teacher for 27 years and it's not unusual for parents not to understand the classroom setting when their first born goes to school. Going to school is a whole new environment and experience for children and parents alike.

OP your DD had her card moved and quite rightly so. To be fair if this had happened in my school she'd have been brought to my office to reinforce the rules, to explain it was unsafe for her when she wandered out of the class and to also explain how she made the Teacher feel. She'd have been given a sheet to complete on how she thought the teacher would feel, how she felt and how to deal with a future similar situation. ie hopefully asking the teacher to leave the room. Your DD is getting used to rules, her new environment and her new teacher. I do think you were unfair in your OP for saying you had instantly disliked the teacher and mentioning her age. The teachers age has nothing to do with the situation of your DD wandering out of the class. These incidents happen and they are expected. It's completely draining in the first few weeks of P1 being a teacher. You have a class full of children who you are constantly reinforcing rules to. Give the teacher a break is my advice, every teacher has a different teaching style.

ValancyJane · 17/09/2015 19:47

Some schools are big on having an open door policy these days - if that's the case it's very easy for children to get in/out without being noticed.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 17/09/2015 19:48

Nope, vest that's not what I read. The OP spoke to the teacher to clarify what had happened. Drove home and then thought 'wait a minute should DCs be able to leave a classroom unnoticed?' I'll check with MN.

Cue lots of posters jumping on her from a high height because she had described her DD as a minx, etc although I'm unsure what word choice would be appropriate - naughty and bad are both frowned upon too and because she said she didn't like the teacher. OP could love her DD's teacher and still have questioned how her DD was able to go missing.

Now a 5-yr-old has been called manipulative for crying and the OP accused of treating her like a special snowflake - tbh , from where I'm sitting, it's been quite vicious.

ilooklikemrsploppy · 17/09/2015 19:48

Dd was crying because she was anticipating me giving her into a row. Ds was peed off because I'd promised him we would go to the swing park straight after school and wanted to go at with his friends.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread