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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be concerned about a man sitting outside my house for the past 5 hours?

296 replies

Whitechocolatetoblerone · 17/09/2015 13:41

As title.

I was making breakfast before I dashed out to work at 7.55 pm and a car with blacked out windows parks up on the pavement outside. A man sat there with an iPad.

I have just returned home for lunch 5.5 hours later and he is still here, still sat in the car with iPad. I am here on my own for the next few days as DP is away and it is freaking me out. It is a residential street but quiet as we are in the country.

Should I approach him?

OP posts:
Trickytricky · 18/09/2015 07:14

I think it's most likely to be a journalist /PI / undercover policeman. Intrigued to see if he's back again this morning tho...

Police would tell you if number plate was fake. My car got hit (whilst parked) by awhile can and my neighbour kindly took down the number plate. I took info to police & was told that that number plate was registered to a Nissan Micra so nothing they could do.

Trickytricky · 18/09/2015 07:14

*white van

Original poster
Whitechocolatetoblerone · 18/09/2015 08:23

Well he wasn't there when I got home late last night (thank god) or this morning, though I did leave a little earlier than yesterday.

Hopefully we've seen the last of him and it was just a one off but I will be doing what 101 told me to d and phoning them again if he reappears.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 18/09/2015 08:33

This happened to us a good few years ago when we lived in West London.
Turns out he was a drug dealer.
My then DH, tackled him and he moved on.
But my Ex was tall and quite big built!

KinkyAfro · 18/09/2015 08:50

I think you had some harsh comments on here OP, I'd be a bit concerned if an occupied car was parked outside my house all day - I'm sure a lot of people would.

And this statement is just shitty and unnecessary

It all sounds a little weird since the number plate thing I'll admit but I think it's a rather arrogant attitude that he must be there because he's interested in you and that if he knows you are alone he's obviously going to come and get you. hmm

Original poster
Whitechocolatetoblerone · 18/09/2015 09:20

I know, I have been a member of mumsnet for quite some time and it can be a really lovely place, as the ‘I can’t afford to get to work’ thread shows. However, I admit, I’ve been pretty affronted at some of the comments on this thread.

Insinuating I’m a troll and lying about the phone call (I’m a regular poster, a quick search of my username would tell you that) telling me to ‘get my anxiety issues sorted’ and saying I’m weird for contacting 101, even though the chap on the phone agreed that ‘it sounded odd’

I appreciate some people worry about things more than others and what worries one person wouldn’t bother someone else, however, we ALL have a right to do act if something or someone is making us feel uncomfortable. If he had been sat there an hour and I rang 101 then fair enough, but it was all day & to me, that isn’t normal.

OP posts:
Wonderous · 18/09/2015 09:26

Well said OP. I personally think you did exactly the right thing. I work for the police and don't think you overreacted Flowers

Fizzielove · 18/09/2015 09:32

I'd be thinking it was an unmarked police car, and that 101 didn't want to tell you it was one of theirs! ( but then I'm paranoid! )

MotherOfFlagons · 18/09/2015 09:33

Look, I don't think it's unusual to wonder what someone's doing sitting in a car outside all day - I would also wonder because I am nosy like that.

I suspect the harsher comments have been because a few of your posts have come across as a little panicky and over-reacting, saying you're 'terrified' and this guy has 'seen your every movement', you're 'worried' and 'paranoid'.

I still really want to know what he was going there though. Grin

lorelei9 · 18/09/2015 10:25

thanks for the update OP
I too have been really surprised by the comments on here but every now and then I see a thread that just has all kinds of bonkers contributions - I just ignore and focus on the OP.

hope you don't have anything else happen.

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 18/09/2015 10:34

Personally I'm not sure who's winning on the "weird" front out of the OP and the Lurker, but hey - at least you gave those nice people at 101 something to do...

AlisonWunderland · 18/09/2015 10:41

I'm fascinated to discover that Halfords lets you search number plates.
Obviously, you can't get owners details, but still useful to know

Original poster
Whitechocolatetoblerone · 18/09/2015 10:41

What a helpful comment IKnow, thank you for your contribution!

OP posts:
TenForward82 · 18/09/2015 10:47

Agree with MotherOfFlagons. Maybe you weren't feeling it IRL, but all your posts came across as "OMG, HE'S HERE FOR ME AND IS GOING TO KEEEEELL MEEEEEEE" which is why people were a bit Hmm and telling you to calm down.

BartholinsSister · 18/09/2015 11:03

What was the reg number ? Maybe an MNer's DH.

Fuckitfay · 18/09/2015 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UglyJellyShoes90 · 18/09/2015 11:17

I had a nice car sitting at end of my road for a few days & guy behind the wheel looked like a businessman, smart suit on. One day when I was walking home from my friends house, he rolled down the window and asked me directions to X. I replied that he was in X. He then asked me if I'd heard of a place called "Bubbles". I assumed it was a launderette or something and he then informed that it was massage parlour 'if I knew what he meant'. He then asked what age I was so I ran in the house and told my mum. By the time she came out the house he was gone. I was 16 at the time Shock. Dirty fucker. Makes me so angry thinking about now.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/09/2015 11:57

Could well be unmarked Police car or spy from DWP who is making a survellience on somebody.

Ta1kinPeace · 18/09/2015 13:36

Unmarked police cars are dead easy to spot once you know how Grin
at least the ones with the hidden lights are

Aeroflotgirl · 18/09/2015 13:38

Oh right Grin, could be a private investigator for DWP or Governent

getinthesea · 18/09/2015 13:41

Whitechocolate you were absolutely right to report.

There's an article in today's paper edition of the Guardian - can't find it online, sorry - about a woman who was found murdered an hour after she had phoned police about someone acting suspiciously outside her house. I actually thought it might have been you, and was very relieved to find it wasn't and you're still here.

So if anyone finds themselves in the same position, I'd go for reporting it every single time.

SilverBirchWithout · 18/09/2015 14:23

Without being callous, it didn't stop the murder. Maybe too many unnecessary calls mean the police have no way of distinguishing the more serious ones.

TendonQueen · 18/09/2015 17:01

I think actually people were deeply patronising about the OP's worries, and that's the kind of attitude that puts women off a) reporting crimes and b) being assertive when they need to be. 'How dare you glare at him, he's done nothing wrong! - from BertrandRussell isn't a million miles away from 'What do you mean, you don't want him bothering you, he's just being friendly!' And as for 'ghoulish stories' a woman, possibly a MNer, just died in the 'story' people have been referencing. Unpleasant to be so dismissive.

PacificDogwod · 18/09/2015 17:10

Glad you got home safely, OP Smile

This is now going to bug me, not finding out what it was all about…

To be fair, I don't think any of us here know how we would have acted/reacted in the OP's shoes. I don't think that anybody should every hesitate phoning the non-emergency number to ask for advice for something that seems 'off'.

PacificDogwod · 18/09/2015 17:12

Oh, and who was it who said 'A hunch is just your mind telling you that you know something that you cannot remember'. Maybe it was said on the West Wing which we are currently gorging ourselves on Grin